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  #31  
Old 05-10-2013, 08:37 AM
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If she called his probation officer (if he is still on probation?) & informed him of the threats & give him copies of everything that has transpired btw them, could he also do some in about it?

Also technically three is nothing stopping him from getting to her even if she has a restraining order or protection order against him as well, it's not stopping him anymore then probation would.

If someone wants to get to you they will ... & I don't mean to scare you, Barbara but I think you need to do file all these order so if he tries anything, the production will be stiffer.

Also call your phone company & tell him you don't want to get texts or calls from him anymore.
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Old 05-10-2013, 09:35 AM
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If she called his probation officer (if he is still on probation?) & informed him of the threats & give him copies of everything that has transpired btw them, could he also do some in about it?

Also technically three is nothing stopping him from getting to her even if she has a restraining order or protection order against him as well, it's not stopping him anymore then probation would.

If someone wants to get to you they will ... & I don't mean to scare you, Barbara but I think you need to do file all these order so if he tries anything, the production will be stiffer.

Also call your phone company & tell him you don't want to get texts or calls from him anymore.
Yeah, he's already demonstrated that he's willing to commit felonies. He may think he can do it in a way and not get caught, or not even care.

The order will do things like make your address harder for him to track down through the court stuff. That's important. There are a lot of important things it DOES do. If he does show up and you call 911, telling the dispatcher that, "My ex is here and he's trying to hurt me and my baby! I have a protection order!" gets a lot more urgent response than, "my ex just pulled into the driveway!".

If you have a protection order and he pulls into the driveway, he goes to jail. If you don't have a protection order, an officer will probably show up and if he is still there when that happens, will ask him to leave.

What a protection order does is it allows them to punish the kind of creepy stalking predatory behavior that he's showing. He strikes me as the type to continue texting or e-mail or calling you anyway. If he does that, he'll go to jail and you won't have to worry about him coming because he'll be locked up.
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Old 05-10-2013, 09:48 AM
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I see, I really hope she gets a protection order then, it sounds like she needs one.
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Old 05-10-2013, 06:52 PM
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I am 100% positive that he's not going to show up in Dallas. (And even if he did, I know he wouldn't be able to find me.) He's too cowardly, and he bluffs. I haven't heard anything from him today or yesterday, which is good. He'll usually throw a tantrum like he did and then drop off the map for a little while again. While I agree that getting a protection order is a good idea, I don't think it's quite as extreme as needing to go and buy a gun or fearing for my physical safety or anything like that. He will just stomp his feet and huff and puff... That's all he ever does. I'm not risking it, though, and the next day I have off I am heading to the local aid office to see what sort of info I can get on local help. My biggest priority right now is getting my medicaid squared away... /: Louisiana is taking forever to cancel my medicaid over there and I can't get approved in Texas until they cancel. (I called and canceled 2 weeks ago.) I'm a week past due for an appointment, and now I have to wait until Monday to talk to someone again. Blaaah paperwork and poop.

Also, I'm not sure if it's technically "probation" that he's on... He is released from jail awaiting court on something called a surety bond. Most of the stipulations are the same as probation, but he will be allowed to leave state to come and be here when Ryland is born, which I am allowing and encouraging. I want as little to do with him as possible, but he still wants to be a father to Ryland, and unless he shows that he is incapable in that aspect once our son is here, I will give him that chance. For my sons sake, at least. The second he shows that he is incapable of that, then he won't have as many opportunities. With me living so far away.. I don't see him making the effort to play a vital role in Ryland's life, anyways. I see him being the "birthdays and holidays" kind of Dad, if that.
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  #35  
Old 05-10-2013, 07:13 PM
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Barbara, I want to share something about my own life with you, maybe it will put things in perspective as far as encouraging Josh to be around for Ryland's birth and everything...I don't know him, you do, so in the end it's going to be your decision about whether your son is better off knowing a Dad who's a not-so-great guy, or not having his Dad around at all.

One of the things I loved the most about my ex was how I thought he'd be such a great father. He talked about his future children with enthusiasm, made comments such as how everything he was working towards (college, etc.) was for his future family, expressed interest in similar parenting concerns ("why would so-and-so let their 14 year old daughter go to an event like that?", "why is that 4 year old listening to an ipod instead of interacting with his parents", etc.).

And even long after we broke up, I regretted the fact we didn't have a child together. Until one day it hit me. This guy treated his friends and family horribly. He was manipulative, incredibly self-centered, insecure to the point of fault, a compulsive liar. He never treated me quite as badly as he treated everyone else, but he was by no stretch of the imagination a good boyfriend. What had ever made me think he'd treat his own children any differently?

Chances are, he wouldn't. Men who abuse their girlfriends, wives, etc...are likely to abuse their kids. Maybe not to the same extent, maybe not physically, but they aren't going to win any father of the year awards.

Nobody is a perfect parent, and it's great for kids to have two parents around if both parents are fully present, sometimes even if those parents have serious issues - legal charges, relationship struggles, whatever. But a felon who has physically and emotionally abused you, abandoned and betrayed you, used money to control you, and explicitly states he thinks he owns you...is someone you want in your son's life?
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  #36  
Old 05-10-2013, 07:48 PM
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You need to figure out, right now, what "incapable" of being Ryland's father entails. Because he's going to push and push and manipulate, duck in and out, and really tear your child's heart to pieces.

Does it mean that he vanishes and never contacts you again?

Does it mean he shows no interest whatsoever in Ryland's well being?

Never pays child support?

Only pays child support 10% of the time? 20%?

One thing I will 100% guarantee, is that if you allow him to have contact with Ryland he will use that baby as a tool to hurt and control you. That's all he sees your son as. He will force you to interact with him over and over in court. He will use child support to harass and try to make you feel obligated toward him. And when your son is older, he will use him to get information about you, your life, loved ones, where you live, etc.

To people like him, it's like other people aren't even real. They only exist to satisfy his ego. And as long as you let him, he'll do it.
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Old 05-10-2013, 09:26 PM
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Originally Posted by Romy View Post
You need to figure out, right now, what "incapable" of being Ryland's father entails. Because he's going to push and push and manipulate, duck in and out, and really tear your child's heart to pieces.

Does it mean that he vanishes and never contacts you again?

Does it mean he shows no interest whatsoever in Ryland's well being?

Never pays child support?

Only pays child support 10% of the time? 20%?

One thing I will 100% guarantee, is that if you allow him to have contact with Ryland he will use that baby as a tool to hurt and control you. That's all he sees your son as. He will force you to interact with him over and over in court. He will use child support to harass and try to make you feel obligated toward him. And when your son is older, he will use him to get information about you, your life, loved ones, where you live, etc.

To people like him, it's like other people aren't even real. They only exist to satisfy his ego. And as long as you let him, he'll do it.
Yeah that's what scared me
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Old 05-11-2013, 06:23 PM
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Not ignoring this, lol. Just mulling over what to say.
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  #39  
Old 05-11-2013, 06:23 PM
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Added point: I miss Malyk. ):


And Chevelle and Baloo and Penny.
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  #40  
Old 05-12-2013, 07:03 PM
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Update:

Work has been going great. I actually have 42 hours scheduled next week! Woot woot! I'm all about it. I'm beginning to find easier ways to do things that may make me tired, and I'm getting used to them as well. I'm finding areas I excel at and making sure I do those frequently... As far as I know, my managers like me, except for one.. But she doesn't really like anybody. Crabby lady.

As far as the Josh and Ryland... I just have a severe moral problem with keeping a father who wants to be involved away from his son. My parents did this somewhat with my biological mother, and I deeply resent them for it. I will allow his visitation rights with child support payments and the second he makes a promise he doesn't keep ("See ya Monday, buddy!" ...Monday rolls around, no Dad.) or the second he shows that his interactions with Ryland are not beneficial to Ryland, then that right will be taken away. Honestly though. I'm not thinking this is something I'm going to have to worry about too much. He lives 6 hours away. I know he is not going to make the effort to be here enough to be that big of a factor or influence. He will see the gas money as a nuisance, expect me to pay it or deduct it from support, and when I don't, he just won't come. He has shown he is more interested in his new life with this new girl than his son. I have a feeling he will remain on the edge of this picture, voluntarily.

Right now my biggest worry is getting Medicaid set up and finding a place... I got a letter in the mail when I got home Friday saying I had been denied coverage for Texas Medicaid because I was still receiving Louisiana Medicaid benefits. I called to cancel Louisiana Medicaid TWO WEEKS ago. It should no longer be in the system. But it is and I won't be able to speak with someone with Texas or Louisiana Medicaid until Monday. Argh. I was supposed to have a prenatal appointment this week. Don't know how that's going to work out. At least hopefully my Food Stamps will clear next week...

And finding a place of my own got a little scarier due to a conversation with my parents. I had planned, that if I did not have a place of my own by the time Ryland was born, for Ryland to stay with my parents for the month or two longer it would take to secure that place as an absolute last resort option. (I'm quite against Ryland staying in this house with D and I.) I was hoping to avoid separation with him all together and get a place before he was here. That's still the hope/plan. But my parents have made it scarier. I have been asking them recently if they would like to pay for me to get a 4D ultrasound, since I can't afford one and they might want the pictures. My Dad the other night, said something about "You scratch my back and I'll scratch yours". When I asked what he wanted, he said "Ryland". I laughed and assumed this was his way of telling me he wants me to come back to Leesville. The way he said it made me uncomfortable though, so I didn't bring it up again that day. Last night, I broached the topic again and asked what he meant and he went into this whole speech about how him and my stepmother feel it would be best if I signed over temporary custody of Ryland to them until I am more stable. He expressed he thought that would be the only way they could watch Ryland for a couple months... If I were to sign over custody. He also nudged at "and not temporary, if you wanted that.. We are open to it." It completely gave me the skeevies and I sharply informed him that that was NOT an option. This isn't the first time this had been brought up, but it's been a while. My stepmother, in the beginning of my pregnancy, was constantly suggesting that I "give" my son to them or she would joke about taking me to court for custody if I "act like an idiot". Really subtle, almost strange comments. My stepmother is unable to bare children and my little sister is adopted, so I know her desire to have a child has always been strong... So I just don't know what to think. Now I'm in fear of leaving my son with his grandparents for any length of time for fear that they may try to take him. It seems like almost everyone wants their hand in the pot somehow, and I don't like it.
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