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  #21  
Old 05-09-2013, 10:40 AM
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Thanks everyone! Sorry it took so long for me to come back... Work and whatnot. I've either been working, sleeping, or eating. Haha. Or sitting and poking my belly.. And that's usually because I'm trying to sleep, but baby boy has other plans!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Romy View Post
First off, and I'm saying this based on information from before, Josh is abusive. ANY texts, e-mails, etc. that you have documenting the abuse, SAVE IT.

See if you can get your grandma to write a statement about the stuff he said about owning you.

This is serious. He is scary. Guys like him tend to go berserk when they feel like they're losing control of the situation. That's when women get killed.

You take all the documentation down to the Texas courthouse and get an ex parte protection order. They will issue it that day, and the local law enforcement will serve it on him. If he contacts you/continues harassing you after that, he will go to jail.

I'm really serious. If there's a local women's shelter, talk to an advocate or social worker and they will help you do it.

It sounds like you're doing the best you can, making the most responsible and mature decisions with the options available.

Don't worry about school right now. I have two kids 5 and under. There are a lot of schools that offer online degree programs. I'm enrolled in an accounting program in a school that's a few hours away and it's so fantastic. I can stay up and do my coursework, at home, while my kids are sleeping. Babies have less predictable sleep hours, but they do nap. And if you breast feed there are 20 min to half hour intervals of pure boredom where you're just sitting. lol.

(((tonsofhugs))) I think you're so strong for everything you've pulled through. You're already a great mom, Ryland is really lucky to have you looking out for him.
My stepmom now has a recording device next to the phone so she can record it next time he calls her. I never understand why he calls them anyways... They don't like him. Not at all and they never want to speak to him. Yet he continues to call them as if they will somehow open a door to me.

I did file with the police that he was harassing me so that it could be on file. I'm not sure what that does or if they go and say anything to him, though. I am currently living in a house where I'm never alone... D has two other male roommates and it's a large brick house. I am never without a "man" in the house, so to speak. Wish I could have a good dog, though. Lol. Malyk is back home with my parents until I am able to get a place of my own. I'm not too worried about him there... They feed him a bit too much, but my Dad adores him and he adores my Dad so I suppose that's all that matters.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Grab View Post
Considering his behavior, I think distance will be to your benefit. I second saving all communication, and having family members do the same. An order of protection would be helpful as well. He likely would not travel to do anything, as sometimes people like himself (especially considering his legal issues) are a bit cowardly. However, you'll want that paperwork just in case.

You might have a talk with your supervisor about being able to sit more, have portable fans on hand, etc. Keep ice water on hand and keep hydrated...it was likely an issue of overheating and dehydration. I'm a vet tech, so I didn't have the benefit that our pregnant receptionists did as far as being able to sit, etc. so I was quite lucky in that I had a pretty problem free pregnancy.
I agree I don't think he would come here, and I agree safe is better than sorry.

Yeah, that was scary! My second day I made sure I drank tonnnns and kept my stomach with something in it, too. I also went and sat down for five minutes about once every hour and a half. I had a couple moments where I felt lightheaded, but nothing like the day before so I think I just need to keep myself fed and hydrated and don't over exert. Hopefully it doesn't get too much harder from here.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Dizzy View Post
I think this is the most coherent you've ever posted

But romy is right. You are very very vulnerable to josh right now. You hit every tick box for escalated abuse. Pregnancy is usually a trigger for worse violence and leaving is also one of the biggest triggers and most dangerous times.

Please stay safe, it is a very real danger. Don't give him any room to do anything stupid.

And well done, you are doing great.
Thanks! I do feel vulnerable to him, which is why I stopped even reading what he sends or listening to his voicemails. I know he's poisonous to me and I'll just get pulled into his lies again, so I'm not even going to listen to him. My Mom said he's a snake perched on my shoulder, whispering into my ear... And that I need to knock him off. Truer words could not have been spoken, and when he sends me dozens of texts, I don't even glance at them, I just immediately delete.


Quote:
Originally Posted by sassafras View Post
Agreed, save all communication. Things have taken a turn for the seriously scary.

Don't communicate with him other than to keep him updated on your pregnancy/doctor visits, and I would do that by email, not phone. That way you have evidence that you did it, but also you won't get dragged into phone conversations with him.

For the love of god, nobody can tell him where you live or work.
Unfortunately he does know the exact town where D lives, but not because I told him, per say. D is a public figure in a couple circles, so the info isn't hard to get. However this town is still absolutely huge with three Walmarts and I have no doubt that Josh would never find me here, even if he drove around all day. Only a few of my friends know I am here, though, and they all have their lips sealed. None of them know my specific address. Only my parents know that.


Quote:
Originally Posted by boneyjean View Post
First of all, WELCOME TO TEXAS!!! I live in Fort Worth and this is really a great state and DFW has so very much to offer in jobs, education, cost of living is decent and no state income tax is a plus!

I think as long as you are being honest with your employer, and it sounds like you are, they very well may work with you. They hired you at 6 months pregnant knowing full well you will require a little time off after the baby is born so they know there have to be some physical limitations to your abilities for the short term. A stool at the register would help a lot I am sure. It has been very hot here this week and with all that is going on, you probably just need to slow down and take it one day at a time. That is all you can do. I have a desk job, but I worked with both of my children until the day before they were born.

I think you did the right thing by moving away from Josh as well. Things will only get worse after the baby is born and he thinks he has lost even more control of you so the distance will be a very good thing. And don't think twice about the computer. After rereading, I almost agree with the camera being given up as well. I would do my best not to engage with him about it anymore though than you have to, and keep in close contact with your attorney bc they are the one who will make sure you have dotted all your I's and crossed all your T's.

Good luck to you. I hope all goes well!!! I'm not sure exactly when we are moving our son out of his crib and into a bed, but it might be pretty soon, but will definately be by the end of the summer. If you haven't gotten a crib yet, I would be happy to give you ours when we are done with it. I know I used a Pack N Play with both kids for the first 6 weeks to 6 months. If you end up waiting to purchase one, let me know before you do if you are interested and I will let you know where we stand on it. Same goes with a high chair...which you wouldn't need for awhile anyway. We are close to done with that though too.
I will definitely keep you in mind as having a friend in the area would be nice! Lol. I only have D, and an aunt. My best friend travels here often for work, but it's cool to know that someone else is around.

I have a baby shower at the end of this month with my aunts, and they are supposed to be covering the "big" things, but me needing a crib is a possibility. Thanks so much and I will be sure to shoot you a PM.

Quote:
Originally Posted by milos_mommy View Post
I agree with Dizzy, this post is much more rational and healthy-sounding than many of your previous posts, which is great to see!

Congratulations on your move to Dallas! I hope you find a lot of opportunities there, both for yourself and Ryland.

As far as blacking out at work...it probably did have to do with the heat/activity/etc. Make sure you stay EXTREMELY well hydrated, and I agree that asking your boss for things like a portable fan (or even bringing a little handheld battery one) and chances to sit down are important. You probably aren't going to be able to be on your feet all day for much longer. Even if it's just a stool behind the register, you're going to need a few chances to rest throughout the day.

The most important thing is going to be noticing when you're about to black out...for me, I start to feel very hot, and my vision starts to go black, first peripherally and then all over. If I get dizzy/lightheaded, I need to sit, or it just gets worse. At the point where my vision is blacking, it's pretty much too late to find a seat, so I will just sit on the ground because I don't want to fall.
It was very similar to that! I felt suddenly like I was going to puke, then the vision thing, and the biggest indicator was I couldn't understand anything anymore. It's like those movies where everyone is going "wah wahhhh" when someone is about to pass out. I was able to keep all of that at bay the next day, though. Keeping hydrated and eating and not over exerting was the key, I suppose. That first day I just didn't expect anything like that to happen, so I went hard all day until I couldn't. Well now I know to take baby steps.
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  #22  
Old 05-09-2013, 10:42 AM
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Originally Posted by Samantha's pet View Post
What if you choose not to recognize a father? And just leave him off the birth certificate? Do you really think he would press the issue?
Unfortunately, yes. I also think since I am on Medicaid, they want it pursued, but I'm not completely positive.
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  #23  
Old 05-09-2013, 10:58 AM
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This varies by state, but in NY they make it sound like you need to name a father for insurance, but once I picked up the Medicaid papers it said you don't need to name a father before the baby is 60 days old. You're really going to need to weigh the pros and cons of having Josh in your child's life...

Eta: if you've filed a harassment report, you may be able to get Medicaid without his info even if the state usually requires it.
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  #24  
Old 05-09-2013, 02:00 PM
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You might want to do an internet search &/or research to find out what the texas laws for naming a father in reference to medicaid are (i do not know anything about it since I am not nor do I ever intend to have a child ... & even if I did my OH is a standup guy so even then the laws would be irrelevant).

IMHO I think the child would be much better off with just you as a single parent & Josh out of the picture & I would get on that as soon as I could, get with a lawyer or get with your lawyer if you have one & see what kind of theing you can draw out regarding his rights, i think i might have heard or read somewhere (though I am not sure) if he is a felon or has comitted crimes AND is being threatening like this to you, are all things you can use against him in relation to his parental rights.

also does excersising while pregnant make it "easier" for the body to cope? I would suggest excersise but I am not sure if thats ok since she is pregnant.

also stress could be a factor, you have been under a lot of stress lately witrh this whole thing, but I would definately call your cell phone provider & tell them you do not want to take calls from him anymore. if they cant do that ask to change your number. i know its a pain in the ass but at least he couldnt blow up your phone anymore.
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  #25  
Old 05-09-2013, 03:13 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Barbara! View Post
Unfortunately, yes. I also think since I am on Medicaid, they want it pursued, but I'm not completely positive.
You really really need to get in contact with a domestic violence advocate or a social worker through a women's shelter in the area to help you wade through all this. They wanted to pursue it in my case, but because there was domestic violence and I have a protection order the state had something called "good cause", where you still get aid and they don't press the issue because doing so puts you and your children in danger. Texas may have something similar.

It's good that you're not looking at his texts. I wouldn't delete them though, because you could be erasing vital evidence. Have someone trusted read them for you if you want. This is where a DV advocate would be really handy. Is there a way to archive them unread for now?

Having a protection order on file will protect you in that it firmly establishes, from the start, that there is abuse and you are afraid for you and your son's safety. This will be a big deal if he decides to try and take you to court over custody and visitation. The court can also require him to undergo domestic violence counseling and things.

A protection order should also give you the option to have your address in Texas is blacked out on any court records concerning Ryland's custody case, so he can't access it that way even though he's a party to the case.

Find out if Texas has any sort of address protection program for domestic violence survivors. In this state, once you're enrolled your address EVERYWHERE, your driver's license, bank account, taxes, business licenses, voter's registration, etc. is assigned to a "fake" address through the secretary of state's office. All your mail is routed through her office and one of her assistants forwards it to your real one so you get it at your home. It also makes any future marriage records concerning you be completely hidden from the public. So if you got married 5 years down the road he wouldn't be able to look it up, flip out because he thinks he owns you, and track your new family down to hurt/harass.
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  #26  
Old 05-09-2013, 08:16 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Romy View Post
You really really need to get in contact with a domestic violence advocate or a social worker through a women's shelter in the area to help you wade through all this. They wanted to pursue it in my case, but because there was domestic violence and I have a protection order the state had something called "good cause", where you still get aid and they don't press the issue because doing so puts you and your children in danger. Texas may have something similar.

It's good that you're not looking at his texts. I wouldn't delete them though, because you could be erasing vital evidence. Have someone trusted read them for you if you want. This is where a DV advocate would be really handy. Is there a way to archive them unread for now?

Having a protection order on file will protect you in that it firmly establishes, from the start, that there is abuse and you are afraid for you and your son's safety. This will be a big deal if he decides to try and take you to court over custody and visitation. The court can also require him to undergo domestic violence counseling and things.

A protection order should also give you the option to have your address in Texas is blacked out on any court records concerning Ryland's custody case, so he can't access it that way even though he's a party to the case.

Find out if Texas has any sort of address protection program for domestic violence survivors. In this state, once you're enrolled your address EVERYWHERE, your driver's license, bank account, taxes, business licenses, voter's registration, etc. is assigned to a "fake" address through the secretary of state's office. All your mail is routed through her office and one of her assistants forwards it to your real one so you get it at your home. It also makes any future marriage records concerning you be completely hidden from the public. So if you got married 5 years down the road he wouldn't be able to look it up, flip out because he thinks he owns you, and track your new family down to hurt/harass.
I agree just by some of the things you have said he is saying, Barbara I really am afraid for you. I have never had an experience with an abusive / controlling person first hand (thank god) so I am not going to pretend that I understand what you are going through.

But I do know enough to know that the things he's saying ... & doing ... Sounds like it could turn into big trouble. Just be careful.
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  #27  
Old 05-10-2013, 12:54 AM
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Dont just file a harassment charge, or just a note. Get a protection order. There is a difference, and please go seek a professionals help in wading through all of this.
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  #28  
Old 05-10-2013, 01:09 AM
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I always get anxious when I see the notifications for this thread. I reall worry about him doing something bad

But since he is on probation ... He can't cross state lines ... Right? & even then he is a felon ... Which means he still can't ... Right? How does tht work?
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Old 05-10-2013, 01:17 AM
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Originally Posted by Dogdragoness View Post
I always get anxious when I see the notifications for this thread. I reall worry about him doing something bad

But since he is on probation ... He can't cross state lines ... Right? & even then he is a felon ... Which means he still can't ... Right? How does tht work?
I think most probation's you are not supposed to cross state lines. However there is nothing stopping someone from doing it, if they dont get caught. Its unlikely they would get caught
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  #30  
Old 05-10-2013, 06:52 AM
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I believe that on probation, you'll only need an officer's permission to cross state lines. If Josh's probation officer isn't aware of your situation (or he lies about why he's going to Dallas) he could probably pretty easily get permission.

(I think that's how it works, but I'm not positive. Even so, Josh has had zero problems breaking the law before)
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