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Old 03-29-2013, 12:39 PM
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Default How long til you "know" a dog isn't working out?

Hello all, as you know I adopted an adult rescue last year & he is a great dog, but sometimes I wonder if he is really working out or not or if we are a good match.

Let me try to explain: he came to us with some issues: he hated leashes & collars & still does but has gotten tolerant of them, but I don't think he will ever "like" them or be enthusiastic about them. I am not forceful with him at all but when I am working on or with something else (like my lawn equipment for example) & it's giving me fits & I curse & act frustrated towards it, he goes & hides.

I can assure you that while I used to be a crank & yank/swat on the butt trainer but as Josefina grew I abandoned that style of training & never looked back, I started using variations of NILF with her but if I try that with him he just shuts down & withdraws.

I have not been able to move past this, I blame a bad upbringing because he seems to be a otherwise well bred dog (temperament & physically speaking) so I don't think it is a bred-in issue, I think it was an environment issue.

It almost seems as though he has PTSD or something ... Any tips on helping him? I really don't want to call the rescue & tell them it's not working out (though I would be willing to keep him as a foster in the event that it would be the best thing for him to go to another home).

I just want the best for him, I want him to be happy ... Even if that means not with me
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Old 03-29-2013, 12:49 PM
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I had a lot of the same issues of "Oh my doG, I made the biggest mistake" when I first adopted Rider. He came with so much baggage.. and honestly, the thing that helped us the most? Training classes. Once I got into Nosework with him, got him out and about more, got more involved in specific things to work on with him it was like a switch went off. He's still weird and pees on the floor sometimes and licks my sheets, but as far as our connection and feeling he wasn't a good fit, it is completely gone. Which is crazy, because just a few weeks ago, I was having thoughts (again) about rehoming him.

You have to do what is right for you. Have you talked to the rescue at all about the issues you have been having?
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Old 03-29-2013, 12:57 PM
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With my current foster, I knew that she was not the dog for me within two weeks. That was fine, I took her as foster only, but she just grates on my nerves as a pet. There aren't any other foster homes available for her, or that can provide better then I can, so she's stayed (four months now, dear God), but I'm looking forward to her being gone.

So you can know very, very, quickly.
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Old 03-29-2013, 01:06 PM
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I'm confused about what you don't think is working out? This stuff?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dogdragoness View Post
Let me try to explain: he came to us with some issues: he hated leashes & collars & still does but has gotten tolerant of them, but I don't think he will ever "like" them or be enthusiastic about them. I am not forceful with him at all but when I am working on or with something else (like my lawn equipment for example) & it's giving me fits & I curse & act frustrated towards it, he goes & hides.
Are these things dealbreakers for you? Or is there something else that isn't working that you're concerned about?
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Old 03-29-2013, 01:09 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by StillandSilent View Post
With my current foster, I knew that she was not the dog for me within two weeks. That was fine, I took her as foster only, but she just grates on my nerves as a pet. There aren't any other foster homes available for her, or that can provide better then I can, so she's stayed (four months now, dear God), but I'm looking forward to her being gone.

So you can know very, very, quickly.
What about her "grates on your nerves"? Just curious.

Nothing about buddy grates on my nerves persay. We just aren't "bonding", you know? Josefina I raised from a puppy & have an instant bond with, even tho she frustrated the **** out of me as a puppy/youngster.

It's just when you give him a direction, he becomes nervous & shut down, even saying the word "no" makes him shut down even if its not said harshly.

I just feel like a Terrible person, he really is a wonderful dog ... But when I look at him I don't get the feeling that we are on the same wavelength like I am with Josefina
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Old 03-29-2013, 01:20 PM
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Quote:
What about her "grates on your nerves"? Just curious.
She's very needy. My preference is for a dog who likes being close, but not on top of me, and she's a very "OMG! OMG! I love you so much let me sit with you constantly and stare longingly at you and you are just the most fantastic thing that ever lived!" type of dog. She's been trained not to do that, but she sits on her mat or the bed and just looks miserable that she can't be with me.

She also treats strangers like they are her best friends, which I don't care for either. I prefer a more aloof dog.

That's not to say that she's not a wonderful animal, and that there are plenty of homes out there that will love both of those traits in her. Training can improve some of those things, but most of them are just Folly, and I will not break her natural temperment in an attempt to make her more pleasing to me. I do love her, and I take great care of her, but we just don't connect on the deeper level.

It actually sounds like you and I are feeling the same way. Gambit is very frustrating, but we're so bonded. I will miss Folly when she goes, but be very glad at the same time, because I know there is a family out there that she will feel that bond with, and be a treasure to them.
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Old 03-29-2013, 01:31 PM
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Originally Posted by StillandSilent View Post
She's very needy. My preference is for a dog who likes being close, but not on top of me, and she's a very "OMG! OMG! I love you so much let me sit with you constantly and stare longingly at you and you are just the most fantastic thing that ever lived!" type of dog. She's been trained not to do that, but she sits on her mat or the bed and just looks miserable that she can't be with me.

She also treats strangers like they are her best friends, which I don't care for either. I prefer a more aloof dog.

That's not to say that she's not a wonderful animal, and that there are plenty of homes out there that will love both of those traits in her. Training can improve some of those things, but most of them are just Folly, and I will not break her natural temperment in an attempt to make her more pleasing to me. I do love her, and I take great care of her, but we just don't connect on the deeper level.

It actually sounds like you and I are feeling the same way. Gambit is very frustrating, but we're so bonded. I will miss Folly when she goes, but be very glad at the same time, because I know there is a family out there that she will feel that bond with, and be a treasure to them.
Yes that's how I feel too ... He is a great dog & I wouldn't mind fostering him for the rescue, I just don't think he is going to progress beyond where he is now & our personalities just don't meld.

Neediness doesn't bother me. But he is also a dog that doesn't know a stranger & loves everyone ... While I like you like a more aloof dog.

SIGH I guess I am a destined puppy person ... Even though it is the long way around the dog you really want lol.
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Old 03-29-2013, 01:52 PM
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I agree with sassafrass, I'm not sure what the problem is exactly...


Honestly, I think you just have to really examine your heart and that is how you will know. Pepper and I have a long history of ups and downs and it was very difficult for me to make a decision on if she should stay or not. There's a huge list of reasons why she isn't the right kind of dog for me. Are we a good match personality wise? NOPE. Does she drive me crazy, and not in the good way that Payton drives me crazy? YES.

But what really matters is that I love her, she loves me, and my heart was broken without her here.
I had been dying for a puppy for YEARS but when it came time for her to move back with Auggie's breeder, the comment "Well, hopefully soon we will have puppies," was made, and my immediate gut reaction was "But I don't want a puppy. I want Pepper."
When the possibility of her being placed with somebody else came up I almost had a full-blown panic attack.


There are certain criteria I can think of that would make another home better for her. But there is one thing that makes me positive that she is in the right home. And that is Pepper herself.
She belongs here. That's just all there is to it.

I think if it's been a year and you're still thinking that you don't really like the dog, which it sounds like, I think that IS your answer.
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Old 03-29-2013, 02:24 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by StillandSilent View Post
She's very needy. My preference is for a dog who likes being close, but not on top of me, and she's a very "OMG! OMG! I love you so much let me sit with you constantly and stare longingly at you and you are just the most fantastic thing that ever lived!" type of dog. She's been trained not to do that, but she sits on her mat or the bed and just looks miserable that she can't be with me.

She also treats strangers like they are her best friends, which I don't care for either. I prefer a more aloof dog.
That's so funny, she sounds like the ideal dog to me!



To DD - Have you made an effort to bond with him? Like Meagan said, a bond isn't necessarily automatic. Sometimes you need to find common ground through training or something and then it'll grow from there.
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Old 03-29-2013, 02:26 PM
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If the issue is that you don't like him or his personality, then maybe he isn't working out. But bonding... honestly I don't believe that bonding is something that happens fast or not at all. It took me over a year to really bond with Maisy. In retrospect, that was because what I really wanted was Roxy: Part II and that, Maisy is... not. Not even close. But that's not her fault.

What really helped me was taking a lot of classes with her and working through some training challenges with her. It helped me appreciate her Maisy-ness and let go of how she wasn't Roxy. And I never would have guessed how much she had to contribute to scootering and joring, it's opened up a whole new kind of bonding that I would never have experienced if I'd given up. So it took awhile to get here, but now anyone who wants to try to take her can just try to pry her out of my cold, dead fingers.
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