Hypothetical question about living at home

[CaliTerp07]

Heard this on the radio today. I had an immediate reaction, but wondering what everyone else thought.

Married couple in their mid-20's lives in her parents' basement. They pay (below market) rent in order to save money. After filing their taxes, they get a fairly hefty refund. Couple wants to go on vacation to Disneyworld (a hefty trip from DC). Parents say, "No way, you save that money, the whole reason you are living with us to to be able to save. If you can afford to go on vacation, you can afford to live on your own."

Whose side are you on?

[release the hounds]

kids. Families live together under the same roof all over the world. Generations of them. If a parent wants the kids and has no problem with them paying rent to live there, then they don't get **** for input on how they spend their money. they can always terminate their tenancy and they both can go their separate ways.

[Airn]

Hmm... I think it really depends on the situation. Do they have dinner with the parents? Do the parents do their laundry? Really, how dependent on the parents are they?

I don't think the parents should tell them what to do, though. If they want to take a trip, they should. I would probably up their rent or stop doing things for them.

That's a problem you have when you live with your parents as an adult. Yes, you're an adult but you aren't the (only) one supporting yourself.

So, I guess I'm on the parent's side. There are plenty of things/vacations you can go do without spending an insane amount to go to Disney. (And unless they have children, I don't see why it has to be Disney? I know, adults go to Disney too but it is still mainly for children. Or people who can afford it.)

[Dizzy]

Meh, not enough info on the situation really to say....

Depends on whether the parents really want them there or not.... If they want them out, then they're not going to be pleased are they?

If they enjoy having them there, then what's the rush....?

[sillysally]

Eh, I can see both sides, but I think that especially if they are paying rent they should be able to do what they want with their own tax refund. I wasn't married at the time, but I lived with my parents until I was in my early 20's and they didn't care what I spent my money on, as long as I'd earned it.

I also question whether you can really afford to live on your own just because you got a big tax return in a city like DC-the cost if living is shocking there.

[sparks19]

Originally Posted by CaliTerp07

Heard this on the radio today. I had an immediate reaction, but wondering what everyone else thought.

Married couple in their mid-20's lives in her parents' basement. They pay (below market) rent in order to save money. After filing their taxes, they get a fairly hefty refund. Couple wants to go on vacation to Disneyworld (a hefty trip from DC). Parents say, "No way, you save that money, the whole reason you are living with us to to be able to save. If you can afford to go on vacation, you can afford to live on your own."

Whose side are you on?

While I think everyone deserves to take a break now and then, I agree with the parents. Disney is pricey (worth it, totally get what you pay for but pricey) and if they are trying to SAVE money then a staycation or a short local get away would probably be a better option. I can see how the parents would feel like their generosity was being abused.

I know someone that owes money to family members and had the gall to ask for more money so he could go on vacation. If you have to borrow money for a vacation that's a sign that maybe you shouldn't be taking one.

I will add that my opinion is based on my assumption that them living there was not nessecarily ideal and the parents were just letting them live there to help them out not that it was nessecarily a mutual "let's all live together" situation. That there is the expectation that they will eventually move out when they have the money to put a downpayment on a house (which a tax refund could really help with)

[release the hounds]

I certainly agree with the parents and their position, BUT everyone is adult now. If you're going to cut their rent, they can spend their money how they want. If you feel they're taking advantage of you, they would no longer be my tenants. Welcome to the real world. If I wanted to maintain parental control, they'd pay full rent and I'd put a few hundred into a savings account for them and when they wanted to move out, I'd make a down payment on a house with it.

[CaliTerp07]

My knee jerk reaction was that if you're old enough to get married, you should be old enough to support yourself financially and make wise financial decisions. If you aren't there yet, you should be doing everything possible to get there.

If everyone under that roof is completely happy with the situation, great, do whatever--but it's obvious parents aren't happy (or they wouldn't be trying to get kiddos to save more so they can one day move out). The daughter on the phone reeked of entitlement ("It's MY money, I can do whatever I want with it!") I would agree with her only if she paid full market rent so that she is a full tenant. Anything else and she's taking advantage of mom and dad's generosity. The bargain was cheap living ---> save to pay down debts/loans/etc faster so you can be self sufficient.

I would feel so insanely guilty living in my parents' home (or worse, my in-laws') at this point in my life. I'd be paying as much as I could afford towards rent and taking every opportunity to advance my career and improve our financial situation.

[Airn]

Originally Posted by CaliTerp07

My knee jerk reaction was that if you're old enough to get married, you should be old enough to support yourself financially and make wise financial decisions. If you aren't there yet, you should be doing everything possible to get there.

If everyone under that roof is completely happy with the situation, great, do whatever--but it's obvious parents aren't happy (or they wouldn't be trying to get kiddos to save more so they can one day move out). The daughter on the phone reeked of entitlement ("It's MY money, I can do whatever I want with it!") I would agree with her only if she paid full market rent so that she is a full tenant. Anything else and she's taking advantage of mom and dad's generosity. The bargain was cheap living ---> save to pay down debts/loans/etc faster so you can be self sufficient.

I would feel so insanely guilty living in my parents' home (or worse, my in-laws') at this point in my life. I'd be paying as much as I could afford towards rent and taking every opportunity to advance my career and improve our financial situation.

I'm in this situation right now. The BF and I are moving out of my dad's house (he doesn't live in it) into our own apartment because we want to be responsible and have our OWN place.

Sure, it's nice that we don't have to pay rent (or anything) but I don't like it. He has some rules and I don't like them. And because it is HIS house and he is PAYING for it, I don't feel like I should disobey him.

I want another dog and he wants no more animals in this house AT ALL. So, I am getting my own place. (This is NOT the main reason, just an example.) (He also is on the verge of being a hoarder and has SO MUCH STUFF in his house. And he comes over unannounced... just lots of annoying habits.)

That's part of living with your parents (or family/friends) you don't get to make all the decisions. Sure, it might suck, but if you don't like it, move. (Apart from venting and living with other people woes.)

[milos_mommy]

The kids' side...provided they're adults (I'll say over 21), not 18 or 19 year old "adults" who are still acting as dependents upon their parent's.

Lots of adult children live at home. They either pay rent, or they don't. It's not a parent's obligation or responsibility to financial assist (be it through money, or low-cost rent, etc) their ADULT children. They're doing this because they WANT to and are able to.

If they way their children handle their finances bother them, it's time to either get over it, kick the kids out, or charge a reasonable rent.