Hypothetical question about living at home

[JessLough]

Originally Posted by milos_mommy

The kids' side...provided they're adults (I'll say over 21), not 18 or 19 year old "adults" who are still acting as dependents upon their parent's.

Lots of adult children live at home. They either pay rent, or they don't. It's not a parent's obligation or responsibility to financial assist (be it through money, or low-cost rent, etc) their ADULT children. They're doing this because they WANT to and are able to.

If they way their children handle their finances bother them, it's time to either get over it, kick the kids out, or charge a reasonable rent.

Actually, that is incorrect. Some cultures, it IS considered a parents responsibility to financially assist until the child is on their feet.

[frostfell]

Originally Posted by CaliTerp07

("It's MY money, I can do whatever I want with it!")

It IS her money, and she CAN do whatever she wants with it. Thats not entitlement, thats plain truth. Shes is perfectly entitled to her own godsrotted money. She worked for it. Its hers. Period. You may not agree with how its spent, but thats the beauty of being a grown person in a free world. She doesnt need YOUR approval.

[CaliTerp07]

Originally Posted by Airn

I'm in this situation right now. The BF and I are moving out of my dad's house (he doesn't live in it) into our own apartment because we want to be responsible and have our OWN place.

The sign of maturity! Wanting responsibilities!

I am extremely grateful to know that if **** hit the fan, our parents (both sides) would have a bedroom waiting for us if we needed it. I also know that I would do as much as possible to make it a very temporary situation.

[milos_mommy]

Originally Posted by JessLough

Actually, that is incorrect. Some religions, it IS considered a parents responsibility to financially assist until the child is on their feet.

It's still not a legal responsibility in America, and for the average American practicing the majority of common religions here, it's not the case.

I assume that any religion who states it's an obligation of the parents to support their children until marriage or financial security, there's also a strong obligation for the children to respect and obey their parent's wishes until then.

The OP also mentioned the parents are assisting the children so the children can save money, which to me, implies the children ARE able to afford to live on their own, it's just not financially in the best interest in the long run. It's much a different case if the children simply can not afford to move out whatsoever.

[CaliTerp07]

Originally Posted by frostfell

It IS her money, and she CAN do whatever she wants with it. Thats not entitlement, thats plain truth. Shes is perfectly entitled to her own godsrotted money. She worked for it. Its hers. Period. You may not agree with how its spent, but thats the beauty of being a grown person in a free world. She doesnt need YOUR approval.

But she only has that money because her parents are gifting them hundreds of dollars a month in cheap rent. There was no gratefulness apparent for the immense favor her parents are giving them.

Really, I guess parents need to raise the rent or kick them out. Ideally children would decide on their own that it is not mature to spend it on disney when you can't afford rent, but that is not happening.

[sparks19]

Originally Posted by frostfell

It IS her money, and she CAN do whatever she wants with it. Thats not entitlement, thats plain truth. Shes is perfectly entitled to her own godsrotted money. She worked for it. Its hers. Period. You may not agree with how its spent, but thats the beauty of being a grown person in a free world. She doesnt need YOUR approval.

Nope, she doesn't need OUR approval but she may regret playing the "it's mine and I can do whatever I want with it" if the parents decide to pull the same card and say "it's our house and we can do whatever we want with it". Honestly, it is entitlement to show no respect for those trying to help you get on your feet, NOT to help you take a nice vacation. If you tell someone you will only be living there temoprarily while saving your money to get your own place I would think it would be nice if you SAVED the money instead of taking an expensive vacation.

You live in someone else's house you either deal with their rules or you get out. Being an adult does not mean you get to just do whatever you want whenever you want without consequence.

She can choose to spend that money and take the vacation but I'll bet she'll be right ticked if she finds herself out of a cushy low rent home. Being an adult means also acting like one and blowing your money on a vacation when you are trying to save for a home is NOT acting like an adult. Act like a child and be treated like one.

YES the parents can choose to just up the rent but it seems they took a low ball rent so that the kids can save more money while still contributing on good faith.

this is all assumption of course lol

[Locke]

I'm kind of in a similar situation. Living with my boyfriend under my parents roof while saving our money to buy our own place (we'll be out by the end of July).
I would feel guilty going on an expensive vacation in my situation, even though my parents LOVE having us at home (they're so weird, I can't stand it any longer!). They're doing us a HUGE favour, the least I could do is treat THEM to a vacation.

[milos_mommy]

Cali, not all parents or families look at it as a "burden" or parental responsibility or obligation to allow their adult children to live with them. Some parents LOVE having their adult children living with them, and would prefer to keep it that way as long as possible. It's not at all uncommon for extended families to co-habitate, by choice, and not out of need or obligation.

Of course, living with other adult family members is going to come with some disagreements and disapproval of each other's decisions. At that point, the families who OWN the home and pay for the home need to weigh the pros and cons of living with others who are not paying rent, or paying a reduced rent.

Unless it's stipulated that the money the children save from their reduced rent go to a very specific purpose each month (savings for down payment on a house, medical bills, etc.), it's none of the parent's business what they do with it. No more than handing someone a 50$ bill on their birthday and then complaining when they spend it on dinner and a movie instead of groceries or a utility bill.

[sparks19]

Originally Posted by CaliTerp07

But she only has that money because her parents are gifting them hundreds of dollars a month in cheap rent. There was no gratefulness apparent for the immense favor her parents are giving them.

Really, I guess parents need to raise the rent or kick them out. Ideally children would decide on their own that it is not mature to spend it on disney when you can't afford rent, but that is not happening.

This is what I was trying to say with my post. it just smacks of ungrateful brattiness to be like "It's MINE" when you are shmoozing off of what is someone else's

[CaliTerp07]

Originally Posted by milos_mommy

Cali, not all parents or families look at it as a "burden" or parental responsibility or obligation to allow their adult children to live with them. Some parents LOVE having their adult children living with them, and would prefer to keep it that way as long as possible. It's not at all uncommon for extended families to co-habitate, by choice, and not out of need or obligation.

Not quite sure what you're quoting. Did I use the word burden somewhere?

I have never met a family that was thrilled their adult children lived at home. My mother in law comes close--in her ideal situation her kids buy the houses next door to her a la everybody loves raymond!--but even then she wishes financial independence on her children. I don't doubt that some parents enjoy it more than others though.

All that being said, from the OP the parents were upset that the kids weren't saving--which makes me think that they want the children moving towards being self sufficient and out of the house.

If the parents truly love having them there and the kids really want to be there and everyone is thrilled living together, then split the mortgage/rent 50/50 among the couples in the house (or charge full market rent for the basement, if that is more logical). Then no one is doing anyone else any favors or gifts, and money can be spent any way everyone wants to.