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Old 02-14-2013, 07:43 PM
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Default I have feelings for someone else.... What would you do?

I don't want to go into too much detail about the who what and where because there are some people who know me, therefore some of my friends IRL.... The W,W & W doesn't really matter anyways..

But if your partner ever came to you, and said they have feelings for someone else... But still love you "most" and don't want to break up, how would you respond?
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Old 02-14-2013, 07:48 PM
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Honestly, probably not very well. I don't do relationships where there's a first and second place.
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Old 02-14-2013, 07:51 PM
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Hmm..I was there. And I told my ex I still loved him most....which wasn't entirely true. It was just safe and comfortable. :-/
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Old 02-14-2013, 07:53 PM
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I would be totally heartbroken but them
Coming to me with it would at least tell me that they want to work it out with ME. I would make some stipulations like counselling and absolutely no contact with that person what so ever. My trust would be shaken but it can be rebuilt as long as they are willing to work at it.

I honestly would try to work it out TOGETHER if at all possible. I am not just speaking out of the position of someone who doesn't know anything about that, but I am actually speaking from the position of someone who had "the feelings" for someone else and seriously hurt my spouse. My remorse was genuine and true and I thank God everyday that he didn't toss it all aside because of my indescretion when he had every right and reason to.
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Old 02-14-2013, 08:05 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Grab View Post
Honestly, probably not very well. I don't do relationships where there's a first and second place.
This.

I don't believe you can love two people that way.. at once.

I also wouldn't feel comfortable in a relationship where I am in some kind of race, yea I'm winning now but I don't want people gunning for my spot behind me.

If they fell in love with another person/have feelings for another person (and REAL feelings, not just sexual attraction) then IMO their heart wasn't in the relationship they are in :/
Either way, I wouldn't want to be with someone who, while dating me, still had room in his heart to be falling for other people.

IMO when you find the right person. that's it. No ifs, ands, buts or silver or bronze medals.
I would probably end the relationship to be honest, if we are talking about LOVE here.

There are too many mediocre things in life to deal with and love shouldn't be one of them. Anything less than mad, passionate, extraordinary love is a waste of your time.

I am just not interested in the kind of love that isn't all in.. I don't want love that can be measured.

I would talk to them, find out what is what, what they are TRULY feeling (is it love or is it anxiety.. sexual tension.. the enjoyment of someone new) and if it is love..then I'm done.
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Old 02-14-2013, 08:13 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Grab View Post
Honestly, probably not very well. I don't do relationships where there's a first and second place.
Exactly.

I don't want to be in a relationship where I feel my place is insecure, or I'm competing to be with the person. There will always be second guessing. There will always be doubts. You will ALWAYS be trying your hardest, but it will never be enough.

If you love someone, you're with them and remove all others. If you love someone else, you end your relationship and move on. Period. Done. End. Anything else is nothing but selfish cowardice, and causes nothing but pain and hurt.

The "second place" person will be left waiting on the side for weeks, months, years waiting for them to be "first". Waiting for the person to say, "Okay, I love you enough now. I want to be with you."

Absolutely not. If you love someone, you WILL be with THAT person. There is no first, second, or third place. It's all or nothing.
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Old 02-14-2013, 08:26 PM
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We'd be in counseling the next day.
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Old 02-14-2013, 08:31 PM
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We'd be in counseling the next day.
This was what I suggested.... Not sure it'll work though, and I don't think they've acted on their "feelings" it's an unusual situation for sure, I've just no clue what to do/say to help!
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Old 02-14-2013, 08:32 PM
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Honestly, probably not very well. I don't do relationships where there's a first and second place.
This. This. This.
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Old 02-14-2013, 08:39 PM
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I would probably set something or someone on fire.
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