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  #11  
Old 02-07-2005, 05:05 PM
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Renee750il Renee750il is offline
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Emma, I think you've gotten some very good advice about dealing with the SO. I had one for twelve years who was very jealous of Bear. He even tried to tell me to get rid of Bear on a couple of occasions. You can imagine where THAT went! What he never would tell me was that he had been afraid of big dogs ever since he was a child. His sister clued me in on that. It didn't change my stance on keeping Bear; he died in my arms when he was around 14 years old - ancient for a 110 pound Shepherd/Akita, but I did work harder on reassuring the guy. Like you when you lost your Nikki and Smkie when she lost her Bronki, and so many others here, I was shattered in a million inconsolable, bleeding pieces. I didn't think I could ever feel so utterly devastated again - until my Buffy died three years ago this coming April, from poison. Just a baby; she had turned two years old on Valentines' Day.

Both times, I waited with an open - and eager - heart for the right "One" to be sent to me. Bimmer was definitely 'sent' and so were Shiva and Kharma. I had to wait and wait for Kharma; I just knew Buffy wouldn't leave me without sending me an heiress, so to speak, from her line. That ego of hers just wouldn't let that happen, lol! Twice, the breedings between Calliope and Gamble didn't take, and I was afraid it wouldn't happen, but finally Kharma's litter was conceived and the biggest, most precocious female was a fawn, complete with the little "button" on the left side of the top of her head - just like Buffy's and Gamble's. She's the only one with it.

I guess what all this maudlin rambling is about is that all you have to do is ask, with an open heart and no reservations, and the right One will come to you - and I'm betting Nikki will see to it that your One comes as an irresistable little mite, all legs, eyes and nose that will completely win over your SO before it starts to grow up. One day the SO will look at the adolescent Dobe sitting there, bright eyed and attentive, just waiting for the next game to start, and completely forget he ever entertained the smallest belief in any of that stupid bushwa about Dobes.
As I told my Mom after I'd been seeing Charley for awhile (she hated his predecessor - everyone did); it's hard to find much wrong with a man who loves big dogs and fast cars.
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  #12  
Old 02-08-2005, 12:31 PM
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This thread has been very good for me to see..I thought it was just me that SO responed to what i loved most with disdain. I don't get the concept. Jim loved his Harley...I said enjoy enjoy, he loved to fish..I said go have a good time. They all reacted to my artwork the same way as my dog. That is why I have basically completely given up on the relationship thing. Anybody out there got somebody that wants their SO to have what means the most to them, what they need to walk this life happy?
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  #13  
Old 02-08-2005, 12:35 PM
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I know it is tacky to post two times in a row but I forgot to say thank you Renee for your unwaivering faith. I don't know what to believe and am afraid that I will just believe what makes me feel better, not what is. That is how I was raised. Still, there have been so many old souls in my life, and experiences..like learning something you think you'll never use again and then further down the road it is the exact skill u need to build on...that make me think there might be something else out there...Thank you for expressing your beliefs. I would like to think it was Bronki that led me to the computer to look at petsavers where Vic was just waiting for me. I didn't have any money to "purchase" a dog, even from the pound, but my artwork was my money I was able to "trade" as I do for my vet services. I would like to think i had Bronki's blessing.
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  #14  
Old 02-08-2005, 12:39 PM
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Oh, Smkie, it's often an issue of fragile ego with them. How could you possibly be interested in anything other than them or their interests? Is there a possibility you love something more than you love them? Find something else more fascinating? Might ignore them and their needs? That makes you happier than they can? And it's a real threat to some men if you do have interests that differ from theirs, especially if it involves doing something that you're very good at, Smkie, and you don't need anything from them to be able to do.
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In a controversy the instant we feel anger we have already ceased striving for the truth, and have begun striving for ourselves. ~Buddha

Stupid is the most notoriously incurable and contagious disease known to mankind. If you find yourself in close proximity to someone infected with stupid, walk away as soon as said infection is noted.


There are few things more nauseating than pure obedience. ~ Kvothe

***8206;"silence is the language of god, all else is poor translation."
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  #15  
Old 02-08-2005, 06:23 PM
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CreatureTeacher:
Your post really hit home. I am a MAJOR doglover and was in a serious relationship for the past 3-1/2 years. I really thought we were to be married. Only one problem... we didn't see eye-to-eye on my love of dogs. In hindsight, I really compromised my belief system with him. I thought I could make it work. He even has a dog of his own that he loves! (a little one, though, and I've got BIG ones ;-)

Anyway, after a phone conversation where he was b*tching about everyone wanting to bring their dogs to his house for Thanksgiving (not my dogs, just everyone elses), and I reminded him how this shouldn't be a time of stress and how my home opened up to all and their pets at holidays while growing up, he snaps "YOUR DOGS RULE YOUR LIFE!!!". That's when I lost it and hung up on him and we're no longer an "item". The one thing I learned from that relationship was to NOT compromise who I AM... for anyone else. I'm so glad, it could have been worse (good lord, what if we had gotten married?). Also, your S.O. sounds like he doesn't have an issue with "big, mean, dogs". Sounds like he's got a problem with you choosing a dog over him or him not being in control of where your love lies (not that there can't be both, geesh!). He feels threatened by your deep love for a dobe... I just know it! Good luck and let us know what's going on...
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  #16  
Old 02-08-2005, 11:06 PM
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I know how you feel and i think the advice given before me was great.I think if you explain how much this all means to you you could probley get yourself a Dobe it sounds to me like you need that void filled.

I have had boyfriends in the past and each and everyone of them absolutly hated my dogs . They thought that they were annoying and I paid to much attention to them. Infact my last boyfriend and I would constantly fight about my dogs and he said that he was always about ready to try and find homes for some of my dogs because they were a drain on a financial issues. And when i got home one day my boyfriend told me that He had found possible new homes Nera, Baby, and Hitch!!!!!!! Now there i really went off told him I did'nt want him in my life and kicked him out . And of course Nera, Baby, and Hitch went no where.

Right now im getting "involved" with an old friend. He knows how much I love my dogs and knows that this is my livelyhood. He has three dogs of his own an Akita named Buzz, a lab/colliex named Spicey and a GSD/ St Bernard named Hulk and has had issues with his love life and pets in the past. So im hoping that this one might work out.

Good Luck
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  #17  
Old 02-08-2005, 11:10 PM
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What these men need to understand is that it's not a matter of whether or not we would choose the dog over them (the dog wins in that case, of course -explanation following); the issue is that a man who truly loves us, heart and soul, would never ask us to make that choice, understanding that the love we have for our creature companions is an integral part of our being and cannot be separated from who we are without compromising the basic integrity or our soul, and in the end, destroying us.
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In a controversy the instant we feel anger we have already ceased striving for the truth, and have begun striving for ourselves. ~Buddha

Stupid is the most notoriously incurable and contagious disease known to mankind. If you find yourself in close proximity to someone infected with stupid, walk away as soon as said infection is noted.


There are few things more nauseating than pure obedience. ~ Kvothe

***8206;"silence is the language of god, all else is poor translation."
Rumi
Be a god. Know when to shut up.


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  #18  
Old 02-09-2005, 10:38 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by smkie
This thread has been very good for me to see..I thought it was just me that SO responed to what i loved most with disdain. I don't get the concept. Jim loved his Harley...I said enjoy enjoy, he loved to fish..I said go have a good time. They all reacted to my artwork the same way as my dog. That is why I have basically completely given up on the relationship thing. Anybody out there got somebody that wants their SO to have what means the most to them, what they need to walk this life happy?
There's no magic bullet (perhaps a wrong analogy ) for S.O's. Unfortunately, people really do tend to look at what's best for themselves and THEN ask the question, 'should I'. It's a very rare person who can accept someone else for who they are without laying down conditions or having expectations. However, as long as people are respectful of their SO's (and vice versa), and up front with their wants, needs, etc... and consider their SO's opinion, it's a good start...and even then, there's not going to be perfection.

As an example, my wife brought a cat home from the HS about 5 years ago. She just couldn't leave it there - it would be put to sleep. She then told me what she'd done - and that she had just fallen in love with this cat. I can see why she did it, BUT it was dis-respectful of her to not even give me a chance to weigh in on the matter (I'm the one who isn't especially keen on cats, is allergic to cats, and the co-owner of the house this cat was going to stay in). By the same token, I wasn't about to ask for her opinion, permission or even a thought on the matter when it came to photographic equipment (one of her beefs with me until recently). Somehow though, we've managed to piece together what works for us and we've managed to be happy. MUCH more so, once we clued into the fact we a) have to respect each other as being directly affected by the other's decisions and b) we now know what makes life that much better for us as individuals.

So, to answer your question, yes, they do exist, but much like any dog, horse, cat or other pet you plan to let wander free....they take training....usually a lot more than any dog out there
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  #19  
Old 02-09-2005, 01:23 PM
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I really have no advice, my attitude has always been that of a hardnose female who will respect his wishes to a point. If I feel like he's being unreasonable and unfair about something that means alot to me, it was something that wasnt going to cause us to be short money, wasnt hurting a thing for me to have or to do, I just do it. Honestly I havent had any problems. My husband has so many things he loves to do and I am very supportive of him so he is the same of me (except the issue of me wanting another chow but thats another story).
But now for "the one" for me. Years ago while working I found a 4wk old kitten sitting in the middle of a road(more like a alley). I took him home with me. His eyes matted shut and full of fleas. He was a mess. The vet helped me get him all fixed up and started on his care. I fell in love with this little guy. He was ill all of his life and we knew he would never live to be an old cat. Never in my life would I dream of a cat, of all things, becoming my best friend. It was hard watching him turn into a old cat although he was so young. Each year seeing his illness hit him harder and harder. I kept telling myself he's going to die in the next couple of years, he wont be with me much longer, and I thought I was ok with that. I convinced myself that even if he only lived 7 years it was 7 years longer than he would have had if I hadnt taken him that day. I was so sure I was ready. Then a couple years ago that time came. Nothing was left to be done for buddy (nick name I had for him), he was dying. I made a cozy bed for him on his bench in front of the window where he laid unable to walk, eat, or drink. Gasping for every breath he took. Finally we had to make the decision of letting him die a slow miserable death or to have him put to sleep. Nothing the vet could do for him anymore. I finally after a week of crying and watching him dying in front of me, and pleas from my husband, made the decision to let him be put to sleep. I couldnt go. I had my husband go in with him because I didnt think I could handle watching them put him down and seeing him die right before my eyes. I cried for days afterwards and to this day it makes me so sad when I think I wasnt there for him! I should have held him. I should have let him die at home on his bench. And everyday since I have missed him so very much.
My husband found this ceramic cat to put Peppers name on it. Also got a snow globe we put his picture in it. So now I have a memory bench. I have plants on the bench, the ceramic cat, and the snowglobe all on this bench. It has really helped me alot. lt almost feels like he's there, sitting on the bench looking out the window. I think I will always feel guilt for not being there when he died, but having this memory bench gives me a little peace. He was my buddy. I will always miss my buddy. No other has ever affected me quite like this although Princess seems to be coming in strong!
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  #20  
Old 02-09-2005, 05:23 PM
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That's a very good idea. You should seen mine. It's the top of my pie safe (piece of antique furniture). Now furnished with 3 urns of the 3 babies I've lost within a year: My yellow lab, Yogi; my white cat, Catfish (15 y.o.), and now my sweet golden, Eli. With the most beautiful framed pictures of them all next to their urns. I don't need any additions any time soon, that's for sure. I love to stand and just look at their pictures and think about the good times...
Amy + Hunter
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