Finding a guy when you don't really go 'out'

[~Dixie's_Mom~]

Exact same boat! I am 21, my best friends are my sister and a friend from church. My church is tiny (like way under 100 people) and there are no guys my age (besides my friends brothers hahaha) and there are only two guys at my work and one is cute but the other is like 40. The cute one is moving soon, and only works with us occasionally. And those are the only places I go. Church and work. I don't drink nor do I intend to ever go to a bar or meet someone there. Soooo yeah. Haha! I didn't even date in high school with hot guys around every corner so idk how I'm supposed to date now! Every once in a while it'll seem like someone will flirt with me while I'm out and about (Petsmart, the mall, etc) but I'm completely inept so nothing ever comes of it, plus I'm usually with my 16 year old sister and our 13 year old friend or my parents so people probably assume I'm under 18 all the time hahaha!

[CaliTerp07]

I think people need to get it out of their heads that a bar is where you go to meet people. Of all the people I know my age (mid to late 20's) who have spouses or significant others, not one met in a bar. They met at work, at networking events (DC young entrepreneurs, lawyer functions, etc), on sports teams (we have really active kickball and softball leagues around here), at weddings of mutual friends, at parties thrown by mutual friends, online (several), while volunteering, etc.

Not going to bars or not going clubbing is not going to hinder your ability to meet people who are relationship material.

[milos_mommy]

I've not only never met a guy at a bar, I've never made a friend at a bar or club, and don't know a single person who has. The exception might be something like trivia night or a non-profit event, where people might have similar interests.

I do, however, know a few people who dated or even married their ER nurse, doctor, or EMT...

[AdrianneIsabel]

I've met lots of friends and guys at bars and clubs but I went to college in Las Vegas and people from every walk of life in that age bracket attended parties at such places so my experience may be skewed. I don't use it as my ideal advice but I'd not sign off parties, bars, and clubs as places you absolutely cannot meet anyone of substance.

The best advice is to just do what makes you happy, have fun, get out there, and take chances. You may find a new passion and in the process you may find a guy.

[Tortilla]

I know it's so much easier said than done, but like others have said, focus on other things and it will happen! I think volunteer groups and signing up for activities are a great idea.

I actually met my boyfriend at a club a couple years ago so it does happen (and I know a few people who have met their significant others the same way). But then again, I am a 'going out' person.

Originally Posted by AdrianneIsabel

I met Denis through greek life, in college. I met a couple guys the same way and a lot of great friends.

This. I've met both guys and some of my best friends this way.

[milos_mommy]

Parties seem way different than bars and clubs to me. I met probably most of my friends at parties. At parties you probably have mutual friends or some similar interests, you can talk, and it's not as brazen to start hanging out with people you don't know. If you have the ability, throwing a party and telling friends to bring friends is a really good way to branch out socially.

I also met a couple of my best friends at laser tag and pick up frisbee games

[Kilter]

There is a group here that does volunteer stuff and it's for singles. They set it up for volunteers to go do something for a few hours, and send four guys, four girls, then there's dinner or something afterwards. So it's not a lot of pressure like a one on one date. Just a thought.

Or take classes - home depot to learn how to do home improvements, sports, cooking, whatever.

I'd suggest animal stuff but it's usually older married women, gay men and younger women that are a bit extreme in the AR areas. Here anyway. The one I volunteer with, it's almost a given that the meal provided will be all vegan, the only two guys there are together and the women are all there to complain about their husbands.

[*blackrose]

I used to be in the same boat. So know there is hope!

I was single, not very out going in terms of having a fun time hanging out around a bunch of strangers I'd never met, I don't dance, I don't club, I don't drink in public, tiny church, in a predominantly female major at college, worked full time so social time was limited, etc.

I met Mike through a friend of mine. Best thing that ever happened.

Honestly, at that point I had come to two conclusions: a.) I needed to stop worrying about whether or not I'd ever find "the one" and just be happy with who I was and where I was going and b.) that even though I had social anxieties, I needed to get over myself, just be me, and have a good time. I think it was both those points combined that let me interact with Mike when I first met him, which led to where I am now, a year and a half later.

Now, if any of you ladies are in the Midwest and enjoy gaming and anime, Mike's best friend (and good guy, just a bit of an anime nerd) is currently looking for a relationship after finally getting himself out of the God-awful one he was in. :P

[AussieLove]

I actually don't want a dog-dog guy. I mean yes I want a guy that likes dogs and is good with dogs; but not one involved with dog sports. It would just be weird to be involved with the same stuff. I can just imagine snide comments about how the other handled the dog on the agility course :P

[Southpaw]

Originally Posted by AussieLove

I actually don't want a dog-dog guy. I mean yes I want a guy that likes dogs and is good with dogs; but not one involved with dog sports. It would just be weird to be involved with the same stuff. I can just imagine snide comments about how the other handled the dog on the agility course :P

I don't really want someone that is "into" dogs like I am either. I mean, I don't do sports or anything. But I'm still a little more involved than the average person and... yeah I just want a guy that likes dogs and will play and go for walks. Leave all the weird stuff to me. Although maybe it would be nice to find a real dog person, and then I could be lazy.