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  #31  
Old 12-31-2012, 03:49 AM
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Maybe do the squeeeee! Let's do a make over thing?
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  #32  
Old 12-31-2012, 08:11 AM
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Pretty much all of what Fran said. I used to wear jeans and t shirts 90% of the time. I still do, but they actually FIT me now. And I look cute and I look like me. There are ways to still look like you and be approachable to the opposite (or same) sex.

If she's sad and upset and wants something to change I would definitely tell her. If you can, do it in person (or at least over the phone). I see that conversation going wrong in so many ways via text.
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  #33  
Old 12-31-2012, 08:20 AM
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It depends on your friendship, how well you can tell each other things like that, and how you think she'd react. I'd be pretty hurt if someone told me I was a mess lol. But I'd appreciate it in the long run.... I like honesty. And bonus if said friend wanted to help me sort my look out... I HATE clothes shopping and hairdressers!!

She might need and want a guiding hand.

She might not... And might just be very offended!!

And how shallow are you LOL
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  #34  
Old 12-31-2012, 12:16 PM
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Looks aren't WHO you are, but feeling confident about your looks sure can change how you feel about who you are, and how other people perceive you.

Fran posted so many good points and good advice, and so have several others.

And it could be, Jules, that your friend, growing up where and how she did, doesn't KNOW how to go about this kind of stuff, and feels self-conscious about not knowing. Walking into a salon, shopping for clothes outside your comfort zone, learning about skin care (let alone a little basic make-up) can be very intimidating and make you feel vulnerable, shallow and downright weird, especially when you don't have a plan when you go in! Or someone who is comfortable with it and supportive to go with you.
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  #35  
Old 12-31-2012, 12:31 PM
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It sounds like me too. LOL As I type this in jeans, t shirt and ponytail. I rarely wear makeup.

Right now though, I'm down about 40 lbs and finding it hard to figure out what to wear and how to wear it! So personally I'd love help, maybe when I'm finished dropping weight in a few months.

For your friend, you don't have to say 'YOU SHOULD CHANGE' but mention going to get a pedi mani for yourself and ask if she's gone, suggest she should try it. Hair, same thing. Simply mentioning things you're doing can help hint her in the right direction and bring it up without poking at her choices. If you say 'I have a date Friday, so Thursday I'm getting my nails done to match my skirt' can open the door and give her things to consider.

I was raised as a tomboy in a way - crazy family and my 'mother' liked my sister more (my sister is a 'barbie' who lives for makeup and the mall), so I didn't go shopping, I didn't get really ANY advice or help on hair or makeup or dressing, so I struggle in that area a lot.

If you were closer I'd suggest the makeover thing as a girly weekend idea, maybe if you know of some friends there you can suggest it to them, and chip in. Or if she ever comes to visit.....
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  #36  
Old 12-31-2012, 12:40 PM
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I am a jeans/ t shirt /sweater or whatever kinda gal. As I type this I am wearing my fave tommy jeans (loose bootcut they "fit" but they aren't the "poured into them" type that's in right now ... I REFUSE to wear those XP ) I just wear my hair & clothes that flatter my figure & most importantly ... Fit my personality.
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  #37  
Old 12-31-2012, 01:28 PM
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It's possible to be a girl who's comfortable with both "boy stuff" and "girl stuff", its even possible to look good as such.

(Says the sick girl w/o makeup, a knit cap, uggs, and a wheezey breath to top it off)
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  #38  
Old 12-31-2012, 06:11 PM
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Thank you for all the responses and I'm sorry for not responding sooner, we were on a road trip (and now I'm just on my phone).

The thing is she's not shy at all. She does a TON of co-ed sports and therefore meets a lot of people... I think the haircut is just because she's used to it and she's uncomfortable to go out of her comfort zone. She had the haircut since she was 5 or 6 because it was just easy (think of Gordon Ramsey's hair, that is what it looks like). I tried to do a makeover thing with her awhile ago and she seemed happy, but she falls back into her old ways.. Again, because it's easy. I wish I was closer to her and we could do all this stuff together.

And for the record, I'm not an overly girly girl. But I have changed my ways a bit (especially after loosing weight) and know how it feels when the public treats you differently. Now, I'm married and am not looking for love, but people will still treat you differently. Sure, it socks, but that's the way it unfortunately is. I just want her to be happy all around.
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  #39  
Old 12-31-2012, 08:53 PM
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Yup. You definitely get treated differently.

People assume that we make conscious choices in how we present ourselves . . . even when they don't. Go figure.
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In a controversy the instant we feel anger we have already ceased striving for the truth, and have begun striving for ourselves. ~Buddha

Stupid is the most notoriously incurable and contagious disease known to mankind. If you find yourself in close proximity to someone infected with stupid, walk away as soon as said infection is noted.


There are few things more nauseating than pure obedience. ~ Kvothe

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  #40  
Old 12-31-2012, 09:31 PM
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I grew up a tomboy. I hated skirts and dresses and was raised with boys. My first "crush" (I was in 2nd grade) I'm pretty sure I only liked because he lived on a farm and had horses, pigs, LOTS of dogs, iguanas/other lizards, and peacocks. When I went to his house I got to play in the dirt outside, climb trees, and do all of the things that I couldn't do at my house.

When I was 18 I got my first skirt on my own free-will, realized how flipping comfortable it is, and was hooked. Now, I'm still a tomboy - I still have a somewhat crass sense of humor, brutally honest, hang out with mostly men, opinionated, feisty, not easily grossed out (unless there's blood and needles) - but I wear skirts most of the time. I don't *own* any make-up. I brush my hair once or twice a day, but that's only to keep it from being tangled. I don't blow it dry. Ever.

My clothes haven't changed who I am, but they do reflect a certain style of who I am (i.e. I don't wear neon colors and tiger stripes like my one of my best girlfriends does because that's not me). But honestly, if I hadn't had my mom, I wouldn't have had a clue how to do any of this. My mom I think likes living vicariously through me in the fashion world, as pretty much any time I come home she asks to take me shopping (which I still hate) and buys me a bunch of clothes. She still wishes I would get a pixie or bob cut hair cut (right now my hair's about 1/3 down my back and I love it), but if I didn't have my mom and my one girlfriend help me figure out how to do fashion, I would still be wearing jeans, t-shirts, and tennis shoes every day (which I still do pretty frequently, but I don't feel very good when I do that). I found one woman to cut my hair who was a genius with what would good on me, so when I wanted it cut, I just went and said, "I have no idea what I want, but here are my requirements [i.e. I don't have to blow dry it, because that will never, ever, ever happen]." That took a lot of bravery.

At the risk of sounding cocky, lots of men are after me. Good men, good friends, but men who aren't my type as far as personality goes, so nothing's happened. I think a lot of it is partially *because* of my tomboy-ness (although it has gone against me a few times) plus the fact that I found myself in my style and so I still maintain a bit of femininity about me. And with finding all of this about myself, I did gain a newfound confidence. It also wasn't until I went to that one salon and got that cut that I found a new confidence in my hair. I don't have the same style (actually, is the same style I had when I hated my hair and thought I was ugly), but I think my hair is pretty awesome now.

All of this to say: it's absolutely possible not to change or compromise who you are, and instead expand who you are by exploring some of these areas. Maybe approach it by asking her if she's ever thought about spicing up her life a bit by going on a whim and getting a new haircut (that haircut from that one stylist that changed my life? I went into her for a trim, and she suggested something else that met my requirements and I went with it), or something. Maybe ask why she's had the same haircut her whole life. You can be honest and help her without being brutal or mean.
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