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  #11  
Old 12-30-2012, 05:11 PM
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I'm not girly at. all.

The kind of guy who "complains" about me not being girly enough is the kind of guy that I don't want to be with.
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  #12  
Old 12-30-2012, 05:14 PM
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I've always been known for being brutally honest with my friends. I'd say tell her your opinion. What good are friends if you can't be open and honest with them?
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  #13  
Old 12-30-2012, 05:21 PM
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I think some people, especially when they have been labeled or even self proclaimed tomboys get caught in that. They fear trying to be more "girly" because it's not what they have ever done and don't want it to look like they are trying or care. Not all, but I know I personally felt like that a little bit when I was younger.

You're her best friend and I completely get where you are coming from. I don't think you're asking her to change herself but more concerned for how she obviously is upset. Sometimes when you have spent your whole life doing something the same way you don't even notice it anymore or know how to change. And I know personally a nice new haircut makes me feel more confident which I bet would be more life changing than the hair.

Maybe mentioning a nice haircut you saw on someone, or in conversation bring up hair and maybe have a few hairstyles you think might look good pre picked out to casually say "Hey, I saw these and think they would look great on you!"

But, you know her best. If she stays the same because that's what she prefers then I would leave her be! But if you think it's because of fear of change I might try and talk to her.
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Old 12-30-2012, 05:34 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Linds View Post
I think some people, especially when they have been labeled or even self proclaimed tomboys get caught in that. They fear trying to be more "girly" because it's not what they have ever done and don't want it to look like they are trying or care. Not all, but I know I personally felt like that a little bit when I was younger.

You're her best friend and I completely get where you are coming from. I don't think you're asking her to change herself but more concerned for how she obviously is upset. Sometimes when you have spent your whole life doing something the same way you don't even notice it anymore or know how to change. And I know personally a nice new haircut makes me feel more confident which I bet would be more life changing than the hair.

Maybe mentioning a nice haircut you saw on someone, or in conversation bring up hair and maybe have a few hairstyles you think might look good pre picked out to casually say "Hey, I saw these and think they would look great on you!"
Yeah. I agree. I've always been a tomboy... I typically am wearing a hoodie or jeans on an average day. But I usually offset that look but by making sure my hair always looks good, and I've got some mascara and eyeliner on at least. But if I'm going out, I am always sure to do up my hair good, put on make-up, and make myself presentable. But I often am too 'scared' to go out and try new things because I don't like the extra attention of 'OMG YOU LOOK SO GREAT!!' lol... it's just annoying to me, and makes me not want to go out and try something new.

But yeah, I understand where you're coming from. I don't think I would be offended if someone suggested something to me. If I was trying to find a guy though, I definitely would be concerning myself with my looks, so I guess I'm a little bit different than the OP's friend lol.
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  #15  
Old 12-30-2012, 05:40 PM
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If she has low confidence and is wanting a change, just not sure how to go about it, then I would suggest stuff.

But the idea of changing to "get a guy" I am not cool with
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  #16  
Old 12-30-2012, 05:56 PM
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I'm just gonna go against the grain and say it.. you are her best friend. I would tell her.

one day when she is complaining, ask her "Do you want to vent or do you want advice?"

If she says advice.. tell her that you love her for who she is and that she is PRETTY but perhaps her "I don't care" appearance is making guys think she isn't even looking and that's why they aren't showing interest
Tell her that she has such pretty cheekbones or bone structure that perhaps a different haircut would work for her! Tell her that your hair is BOTHERING YOU and that you guys should hit the salon together and find other styles.

It's not about being a girly girl. I don't think you should make her wears bows and dresses.. but it's about taking pride in your appearance and appearing to CARE about the way you look so that people (guys) will see that and think you are receptive to being asked out.

I have many many many guy friends.. do you know what they think when they see a girl who very obviously doesn't care (bad haircut, clothes thrown on that aren't flattering or clean, etc..)
- "She has a boyfriend/husband"
- "She has no interest in looking for a boyfriend because I mean.. she doesn't seem to be trying at all"
- "She looks unapproachable and uninterested"

It's not about changing who she is. Let her wear hoodies and jeans and sneakers.. but it's about showing off who she is in the BEST light find a hoodie you love that doesn't make you look like a shapeless blob, jeans that are comfy but make your legs look awesome, a haircut that shows off your pretty face!

Nobody is going to be able to get to know who she is on the inside if they barely notice her/think she is uninterested on the outside.

She should wear what she loves! But trust me, get her things that she loves that also make her body look it's best.. she will feel awesome.

She sounds JUST LIKE my friend.. She wore dirty HUGE hoodies, horribly cut jeans that doesn't suit her and were TOO LONG, her hair was a mess, she wore athletic sneakers everywhere..
We went out..Got her a cute hoodie that didn't turn her into a shapeless blob, some simple neutral t-shirts that were v-neck (she was large chested so other tshirts made her boobs look weird), converse/keds, SKINNY JEANS, and a haircut that was easy to maintain and framed her face.

A month later.. a boy in one of her classes came up and mentioned how happier she looked and asked her out. They are still together. (Turns out, he didn't really notice the clothes but that you could actually SEE her face and she just carried herself better in clothes that suited her)

TELL HER.
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  #17  
Old 12-30-2012, 06:28 PM
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This really hits home with me. I'm very tomboyish, it's how I was raised. I don't wear dresses, I don't even own one. I don't do makeup, or any girly stuff, and I have very short hair. I have people assume I'm gay because I fit the typical sterotype, even though I am straight.

I had a hard time meeting guys also. Most just wanted to be friends. I refused to change who I was because some one wasn't intersted in me. I'd rather be single than change so I could find a man.

I took my time and didn't force anything. I'm now married to the most awesome guy, who loves me for me and wouldn't ask me to change.

Guess I'm saying is support your friend, she doesn't need to change. Those that don't want to get to know her because of who she is aren't worth the effort IMO.
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  #18  
Old 12-30-2012, 06:50 PM
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Looks don't make someone who they are.
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  #19  
Old 12-30-2012, 06:54 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Barbara! View Post
Looks don't make someone who they are.
I don't think that's what anyone is saying.

My sister for example went through years where she would wear horribly unflattering cloths because she was self conscious and wanted to hide. At her core that's not who she is.

Maybe her friend likes her hair like it is.
Maybe her friend doesn't even think about it.
Maybe her friend is afraid of changing it.
Maybe her friend doesn't know how/where to start.
Maybe her friend is self conscious about changing.

It's not always about changing who you are but enhancing yourself, bolstering confidence. Change can be hard but it doesn't always mean you aren't being true to yourself.
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  #20  
Old 12-30-2012, 06:59 PM
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I think that it has the potential to cause hurt feelings. I think that, if she were looking for a new hairstyle, she'd have thought of that first in all these years. That said, you know her better than anyone here, so you'd know best how she'd be likely to take it.

I'm extremely nongirly, but I've always had girly (though low maintenance) hairstyles.
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