Disappointment over gifts

Originally Posted by Fran27

I'm assuming family Christmas party. Which is what the people were complaining about in the first post. And for those I would feel definitely rude not to bring anything.

*shrug* In my family, family Christmas parties are about, well, spending time with family. To each their own, I guess, but don't make a blanket statement and say that you "have" to. Gift giving is always a choice.

[Saeleofu]

Originally Posted by SevenSins

*shrug* In my family, family Christmas parties are about, well, spending time with family. To each their own, I guess, but don't make a blanket statement and say that you "have" to. Gift giving is always a choice.

Same here.

[Taqroy]

Originally Posted by Fran27

She's family. She's her brother's step sister. Or at least I would expect people to count step children as family..

My brother's ex gf/wife's children with her husband are not my nieces and nephews. There is no relation there, blood or otherwise.

[Saeleofu]

Originally Posted by Taqroy

There is no relation there, blood or otherwise.

This. Exactly this. She's not related to me. Period.

[Taqroy]

Originally Posted by Saeleofu

This. Exactly this. She's not related to me. Period.

I was hoping I understood the connection and explained it OK. It makes sense to me though - my nephew (through Matt) has step siblings and it would never have crossed my mind to buy presents for them.

[Fran27]

Ok. I get it. In our case our 'niece' was born before my BIL married her mom, so she was always part of the family. Still offended by the blood comment, sorry. There were other ways of saying the same thing. Explaining that someone isn't family by saying they're not blood related is just wrong, no matter how you try to explain it.

And we'll have to agree to disagree about gift gifting being a choice. Maybe it's the case in your family. Probably it's not the case in every family (unless of course you want to be called a rude selfish person). Bottom line, it's not our place to judge how others can feel about their gifts when we don't know how it works in their family, and to make blanket statements saying that 'gifting is a choice' when really, sometimes it's not.

[Danefied]

Originally Posted by Saeleofu

This. Exactly this. She's not related to me. Period.

LOL I get what you're trying to say but it's not coming across very nicely.

I don't have blood family in this area, at least not any blood family I would allow within 500 feet of my children
For the last 10 years we go to my friend's house for Thanksgiving and Christmas. My friend's husband's sister gives my kids a Christmas gift every single year because she wants to, not because she has to. I guess she didn't get the memo about "blood" relatives LOL.

Originally Posted by Fran27

to make blanket statements saying that 'gifting is a choice' when really, sometimes it's not.

Man, I'd hate to be a part of a family that held its members at gunpoint and forced them to purchase gifts against their will every year. I'd consider running away and joining the circus.

[milos_mommy]

I get that this girl isn't remotely (via blood, marriage, etc.) related to Sael, but it's still offensive IMO to single her out because she isn't "blood related". The post made it sound like she isn't family BECAUSE she's not blood related, which when tons of people have families who aren't blood related, can be really offensive. Saying something like "we made an effort to include someone non-related during our family gift-giving and she seemed ungrateful" is a lot more tactful than saying "we bought some non-blood-related child a gift and she was ungrateful".

I can understand feeling like you have to buy a gift for a boss or higher-up coworker, in some places that can very much have an effect on job stability and work environment, whether it's ethical or not.

And sure, some people do feel like they're expected to buy gifts for family, but if you're spending time and money buying gifts for family and the others aren't - why would you be the only one expected to make an effort? And if someone's spending a lot of time and money on a gift because they feel obliged to and like they'll be singled out if they don't, and getting nothing in return, well then they're being majorly taken advantage of and need to learn how to stand up for themselves instead of complaining about.

[Saeleofu]

I get that this girl isn't remotely (via blood, marriage, etc.) related to Sael, but it's still offensive IMO to single her out because she isn't "blood related". The post made it sound like she isn't family BECAUSE she's not blood related, which when tons of people have families who aren't blood related, can be really offensive. Saying something like "we made an effort to include someone non-related during our family gift-giving and she seemed ungrateful" is a lot more tactful than saying "we bought some non-blood-related child a gift and she was ungrateful".

Yeah, nobody here has ever worded anything poorly before It is what it is. Get over it.