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  #121  
Old 12-31-2012, 11:01 AM
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I have to agree as well..........you can choose what traditions and/or activities you participate in, or DON'T participate in as the case may be.

*Most* gifts I give are because I want to let that person know I was thinking of them and I care, (no matter the time of year but especially at Christmas or birthdays) but there are a few that I feel I MUST buy to keep peace. But honestly, it's VERY FEW, I try very hard not to complicate my life any more than it has to be.
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  #122  
Old 12-31-2012, 11:28 AM
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Except for employers, I have never, ever given a gift I felt obliged to give because it was the social norm. If someone gets me a gift and I haven't reciprocated, I say thank you (and very much mean it) and make a mental note to remember them next time around. If they act like I owe them something or complain about it, I'm sure as heck not going to waste time and energy on them next Christmas...or time and energy maintaining a relationship with such a rude and petty person.
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  #123  
Old 12-31-2012, 12:47 PM
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I think I'm probably somewhere in the middle of the road, but more because I feel bad if someone has given me a gift and I have not reciprocated.

Am I the only one that feels this way? Right before Christmas, I had a roommate give me a nice little gift. I hadn't gotten anything for her expecting that we wouldn't exchange gifts and sure, I felt like I should have. I ended up giving her a nice little pair of earrings I had made a few weeks earlier (and had yet to have given a purpose) and a piece out of my sister's Christmas gift basket. It made me feel better to know that she wasn't wondering why I hadn't thought about her over Christmas. Maybe I'm being "pressured by social obligations" or whatever, but if it made me feel better, why not? It's the norm of social reciprocity. I'm not opposed to playing my part.

When I give gifts, I try to put a lot of time and thought into each one because both the gifts that I'm giving and the people that I'm giving them too mean a lot to me. I don't ask that they give me anything in return, but I can't say I don't appreciate appreciation of my gift in whatever form it may be - many times a huge smile and a hug is a nicer "return gift" than anything tangible. Unfortunately for me, while I fully understand this concept when I'm on the "giving" end, it's hard for me not to feel a little guilty when I'm on the receiving end.

But no, it's nobody's obligation to buy or make a gift.

On the flip side, I think that there are constraints to this. I did get a bit upset when a secret santa a few years back didn't get me a gift. Granted, the back story needs to be explained. A friend had arranged a secret santa and I ended up with a girl and that same girl had happened to have drawn my name. So essentially that leg of the secret santa was really just a 2 way swap. I didn't know her, she didn't know me. Despite this, I went out and got her a very nice, albeit fairly generic gift (a cute thermos and a bookmark if I remember correctly). She never showed up to the exchange. A friend of hers took my gift home to give to her later, but she never got in touch with me. In my opinion, this was wrong.

I didn't make a fuss to anyone that knew her, had a good time hanging out with the friends that I knew while I was there, and didn't feel terribly upset at the lack of a gift per se, but in my opinion, if you SIGN UP for a gift exchange, you understand that it is under the premise that you are EXCHANGING gifts. I was more upset at the premise.


But no, regardless of my opinion on any gift, I am always appreciative of the thought and act appreciative of the gift even if I may regift or return it later.


I have a friend whose sister and mother are known to cry if they don't get what they want (we're talking a college student and her middle aged mother). I think that's a bit disgusting.
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  #124  
Old 12-31-2012, 01:20 PM
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Goingnowhere, I think that's a totally normal and acceptable reaction to your roommate...but if she were to throw a fit about how she spent x amount on a gift for you and you didn't reciprocate, that'd speak poorly of her character. You have her a gift because she kindly acknowledged you at Christmas and you wanted to show appreciation of that, not because if you didn't she'd make you look like a horrible person
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  #125  
Old 12-31-2012, 01:59 PM
Saeleofu Saeleofu is offline
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Quote:
On the flip side, I think that there are constraints to this. I did get a bit upset when a secret santa a few years back didn't get me a gift. Granted, the back story needs to be explained. A friend had arranged a secret santa and I ended up with a girl and that same girl had happened to have drawn my name. So essentially that leg of the secret santa was really just a 2 way swap. I didn't know her, she didn't know me. Despite this, I went out and got her a very nice, albeit fairly generic gift (a cute thermos and a bookmark if I remember correctly). She never showed up to the exchange. A friend of hers took my gift home to give to her later, but she never got in touch with me. In my opinion, this was wrong.
I can understand this. The whole point of a secret santa is to exchange gifts - if you don't want to participate, don't sign up! Even if you want to go but not bring a gift, fine - leave your name out of the drawing.
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  #126  
Old 12-31-2012, 02:07 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Saeleofu View Post
I can understand this. The whole point of a secret santa is to exchange gifts - if you don't want to participate, don't sign up! Even if you want to go but not bring a gift, fine - leave your name out of the drawing.
Yeah I agree with this. I took part in a forum secret santa once several years ago...to this day I have no idea if the person I sent gifts to ever received it. Radio silence. She also didn't send a gift to her person, but never mentioned anything about it to anyone...just one day she was excited and acknowledged she had gotten her person's name/address, and then nothing happened.

The person running the secret santa had kept some gifts in reserve and sent something to her person who should have received a gift from the disappearing act, but that's not fair on her either.

I was all worried about my presents and hoping they would be something the person liked but...well I hope she liked them.

IMO if you enter a secret santa either hold up your end or let someone know you can't so names can be shuffled around. Not that hard.
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  #127  
Old 12-31-2012, 04:43 PM
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I can't imagine expressing disappointment about a gift that was given to me. That's rude. I've kept gifts I didn't like much that were given to me years ago. Some are out in the open in my house still. A few gifts I didn't like or think much of when they were given, I now consider priceless because the people who gave them to me are deceased.
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  #128  
Old 12-31-2012, 04:51 PM
JessLough JessLough is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shai View Post
IMO if you enter a secret santa either hold up your end or let someone know you can't so names can be shuffled around. Not that hard.
This is worth quoting again.
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  #129  
Old 01-01-2013, 08:03 AM
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I am "older"
But are you wiser?
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  #130  
Old 01-01-2013, 11:00 AM
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But are you wiser?
"They say that with age comes wisdom, but in sass's case... age came alone."
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