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Old 12-30-2012, 11:34 AM
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Default Disappointment over gifts

Do you think it's a sign of selfishness or ungrateful to complain about people giving you gifts that are unequal in monetary value to what you gave them?

On another forum I'm on, this one girl mentioned she was a bit disappointed because she spent a lot of money choosing gifts she really thought her parents would like, and in turn they got her just a small, practical gift. I can understand being a bit miffed about something like that, those are close family members, and it was more of a disappointment that her parents weren't more attentive than a money thing.

Then, a bunch of others chimed in.

"I spent $25 on a gift for my boyfriend's mother and she just got me a perfume that was discounted for $7.99"
"I bought each of my brothers a $15 gift and they each gave me a bit of chocolate."
"I bought all my nieces and nephews gifts and my siblings didn't get anything for my baby"

Dude, maybe nobody wants to gift you a gift because you're such a whiny ungrateful little douchecanoe about it?!? Do people buy others gifts just because they want something in return? If I get someone a Christmas gift that's more than just some cookies or a small generic token, it's because I want them to be happy and enjoy it...probably not out of the goodness of my heart, but just because I'm not going to waste time and money getting gifts as some kind of bartering exchange.
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Old 12-30-2012, 11:41 AM
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The way I see it... if giving gifts was meant to be tit for tat, then we might as well all just buy ourselves a bunch of gifts and be done with it.

I am at a different place in my life than, for example, my 20s year old niece and nephew (and the nephew is about to get married to boot). I like that I am able to be generous to them, but in no way in hell do I expect them to reciprocate (nor do I need them to). When they've reached a level of financial stability, then they can be generous to THEIR nieces and nephews.
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Old 12-30-2012, 11:55 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sassafras View Post
The way I see it... if giving gifts was meant to be tit for tat, then we might as well all just buy ourselves a bunch of gifts and be done with it.
Exactly.
Give gifts because you love the person and want them to have the thing or don't do it.

I think complaining about gifts at all is just wrong I don't care what you got them or how much money they have or how much their vacation was or what you've done for them or what car they drive.. IT'S A GIFT! THEY DON'T OWE YOU ANYTHING!

IT'S
A
GIFT

Someone gave you something. Just because!

Also, regardless of pretenses, you don't know what that persons finances are like, how much thought they put into the gift (even if it seems generic), or how much effort they put into getting you a gift.

You have every right to NOT LIKE your gift.. I mean that's normal.. sometimes people try and it just..isn't you.
but to complain and gripe about something that was given to you I think is a bit just..wrong.
Regift it, don't like it, recycle it, throw it out.. whatever. But complaining to people about it is just..gross.

And by complaining to people i mean.. people who know that person/could know that person. I mean, go ahead and gripe away on reddit or other anonymous internet place.
Because yea, sometimes your mom buying you a scale because you look a bit hippy these days does.. SUCK!

I had a older relative that used to give us all these holiday pack perfume thingies from bath & body works.. super typical right? I always liked mine ok but never really thought much of it
Turns out, she started saving for these things MONTHS in advance.. and was seen going by and smelling all of the different collections at B&B and talking about us to the sales people there to find the one that suited us best..
The sales people knew her SO WELL and knew all of us by name and interests because she put THAT MUCH EFFORT into them.

We didn't figure this out until after she passed
I always said thank you.. but I always regretted not being more thankful for a gift I thought was thoughtless.
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Old 12-30-2012, 11:56 AM
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I think that there are definitely situations where it's "ok" to be disappointed over a gift...gifts that have had no thought put into them and were only given because the gift giver felt obligated, for example...but solely based on how much someone paid for the gift? I'd call that ungrateful at best. IMO some of the best gifts I've ever gotten didn't cost anyone a dime, and I don't give a gift unless I sincerely thought aout the recipient while making or purchasing it and wanted hem to be happy, whether or not I receive anything in return.

(**** tablet makes it hard to type)
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Old 12-30-2012, 11:59 AM
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[QUOTE=sassafras;2181806]The way I see it... if giving gifts was meant to be tit for tat, then we might as well all just buy ourselves a bunch of gifts and be done with it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fran101 View Post

IT'S
A
GIFT
Yep and Yep.

Gift = no strings attached, no hopes of compensation, you do it to do something nice for someone without expecting anything in return.

Totally dysfunctional behavior to give with the intent to manipulate the recipient even if it's just to manipulate them in to buying you something of equal or greater value. Ugh...
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Old 12-30-2012, 12:02 PM
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Personally to me it is more the thought and time that goes into a gift that counts then the cost. Though I do make sure that we spend and equal amount on each of our kids. Some times that means one child gets more gifts then another child but the amount spent was the same. For example my daughter this year got 5 gifts, Nico 6(three were small stocking stuffers) and my other two sons 3 gifts. But yet an equal amount of money was spent on each. Where as for my 5 brothers I sent mainly meaningful wall decorations that had and inspirational saying on each. I am just barely getting to know them so don't know their interests and such. So got something that would go with anything yet be inspirational as well and can be up all year round. They all loved it. Some decorations cost more then others but no one asked the cost.

For others I mainly give baking and I never get a complaint about that. With how busy households are getting finding time to bake for some people is hard. So getting some homemade yummy baking is the perfect gift and never complained about and usually begged for the next year.

It should never be about how much is spent. Most people don't know how tough of times others are going through even if they are family. It should be about the thought that went into it.
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Old 12-30-2012, 12:03 PM
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Depends. Would be nice if we all could be happy to give gifts to everyone, but in reality there are people you are happy to give something to, and some you feel obligated to. If you go out of your way to find something nice for those people you feel obligated to give something to, and they give you crap in return, well... yeah that might sting a bit.

And if you buy things for your nephews and the parents don't get anything for your kids... it's not being whiny or ungrateful. It's your kids. I'd be frankly hurt for my kids, too. Of course it totally depends on how much money others have too.
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Old 12-30-2012, 12:13 PM
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Nicole, that makes sense, but especially as your kids got older as long as you're putting thought and effort into giving your kids what they want, I would hope they don't expect you to spent an exactly equal amount of money every year.

When we were little, my mom not only spent the same amount of money on our gifts, she also got us the exact same quantity of gifts (which was like....30 gifts each because she's insane), and they all had to be the same SIZE so that our piles of gifts were even.

This year, my brother got more than I did, quantity-wise and money-wise, but that's because he a) wanted more stuff, and b) needed more stuff. And I'm REALLY glad my mom didn't just buy me junk to make it even like she has in the past.

I also had a couple of people on FB make statuses on Christmas "my parents didn't get me X" "my boyfriend didn't get me this" and I went through and deleted every one of them from my friend's list and from my list of people I remotely respect in real life.
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Old 12-30-2012, 12:18 PM
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Quote:
The way I see it... if giving gifts was meant to be tit for tat, then we might as well all just buy ourselves a bunch of gifts and be done with it.


I don't ever expect anything in return for gifts I give. I often give gifts without receiving anything in return, and that's perfectly fine! I bought my brother's girlfriend a peacock notebook for Christmas, and I didn't get (nor expect) anything from her. That's FINE, I even prefer it that way - especially knowing she's a highschooler without a job and therefore without money. She didn't expect a gift, but I like her and I know she likes peacocks and I just happened to see it in the zoo gift shop. I made her happy, and that's all that matters. Same goes for my nephew's mom. I got her a Doctor Who mug because I know she likes Doctor Who, it was on sale, and I like giving Doctor Who-related gifts just as much as I like receiving them lol.

My aunt gets me a painted pony every year for my birthday and Christmas. I, unfortunately, can't always get her something. This year I was able to send her a small gift for Christmas, and a couple years ago I sent her a case of chocolate pudding for her birthday (inside family joke, but she does really love pudding lol). She doesn't throw a fit if I can't get her anything. She just appreciates it that much more when I can get her something, knowing that I don't have much money.

People whining over the price/value of gifts really, REALLY annoys me. You're giving a gift. There is no obligation for anyone to give you a gift - or for you to give a gift, for that matter. It's done out of fun and kindness.

I can understand being a bit irked over getting a half-assed gift from someone just because they felt obligated to get you *something.* I'd really rather have no gift at all, and just a sincere expression of appreciation, than a gift someone hurriedly puled out of nowhere because they felt obligated. This is why I don't much care for our Secret Santa exchange at work. Most of us do really try out hardest to pick out something the other person will like, but there are a couple people who just don't get it. My first year there I got a Jesus bracelet (I'm an atheist). I still accepted it gratefully, but it is a joke between my coworkers, my boss (his wife bought it for me), and myself. We can all laugh at it now, but it's painfully obvious the person who gave it to me had NO idea what she was doing lol (she gives gifts like this to whoever she has every year because she only works maybe once or twice a month, so she doesn't know any of us well). But that's okay, and I don't feel "cheated" by it or anything like that. This year I got a teaball and a wooden skink from one of my coworkers who knows me fairly well, and I was THRILLED. The skink rides on my scarf every day, and I use the tea ball to make tea multiple times a day. This was clearly a well thought out gift, and I LOVE LOVE LOVE it

I was APPALLED at my nephew's sister's reaction to her gifts. She's not even blood related to anyone in our family, but we still have her over for Christmas and buy her gifts we think she'll love anyway, because we care about her. My nephew ended up with a larger number of gifts, and his sister threw a FIT because she got fewer gifts. Never mind the value of those gifts, or that each of them got what they wanted. She was just mad that she got fewer and she didn't get the exact same things as her brother - not that she would even like those things! She got a ton of princess stuff which is what she kept saying she wanted, and she was made because she didn't get a remote control airplane or legos. Ugh. Selfish little brat. My nephew, on the other hand, was THRILLED with each gift he unwrapped. His sister ended up breaking most of his gifts within a week, but he still kept saying "At least I can still use it for _________." (and he's only 9 years old) His sister was complaining that her fairy wings don't actually flap (USE YOUR IMAGINATION, CHILD!).
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Old 12-30-2012, 12:18 PM
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Yeah, there are reasons I don't do the whole gift exchange.

The only people I actively exchange gifts with is my 2 best friends. BUT for us it's a game to see who can buy the most awesome present for the lowest price.

My friend has an obsession with eyeballs and we love food(Esp Sushi). For Christmas I bought her Halloween clearance eyeball salt and pepper shakers($1/each) and a t-shirt from wal-mart with Sushi pieces on it that I found in like July for $0.50. She got me clearance fleece plus coupon that had Muffins on it(I am obsessed with Muffins) and turned it into a throw blanket. I only do this gift exchange bc it is cheap and fun.

ETA: in the past when I exchanged with family there would be all kinds of gripes over quality, quantity, and price. It was too much of a hassle and no fun at all. So, I stopped participating.
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