Roommate etiquitte?

[StephyMei1112]

Ok, So I'm sharing a studio with a guy right now. He's lovely and all - but he's rather girlfriend obsessed at the moment, like, really. It's 3 AM right now and they are getting all lovey-dovey while cooking in the kitchenette.

I always turn off my light or try and be as quiet as I can while on my laptop while he's sleeping or resting. He does the same when I'm sleeping too and he's up - but factor in his girlfriend and....gosh, it's all loud, giggly, and just very....I'm not sleepy right now but this is just....disruptive. I don't mind it at civilized hours but I usually like being left alone in the night...the price of having a roommate, I know, I know. She's very friendly with me but has displayed cattiness on the odd occasion - I'm passive about it and just walk away if she gets worked up about something ('Ok, sure', 'Whatever', 'Cool, go ahead - I'm headed out anyway' etc)

He has her over rather often - I try and playfully encourage him to take her out/spend the night at his families house with her etc.

How would one go about setting guidelines/raising concerns of this type with a roommate? Don't get me wrong - he's a smashing fellow, easy going, upbeat, and very relaxed - but this is abit much....

[Zhucca]

I had something similar with my roommate. This chick he had been dating (he was adamant that they weren't bf/gf) was staying over a LOT. Like 5 days a week. Sleep overs, and I'd come home to her on the couch, using my laptop... very aggravating. One day I came home early from work because I had an appointment and she was there. This is at 2pm, her car was covered in snow, and he wasn't home. He was at work. She was staying at my house during the day while he was at work, absolutely not acceptable. I asked her why she was here and she just replied "umm, ahh, ... I was just leaving." I just straight up told him that while he can have friends/gfs over, don't over do it. And if you're not home they're not allowed in the house. That's it.

However I rent the room out, so it's different when you are renting out someone elses' room. If a roommate doesn't match how I live (within reason, I try to be as flexible and considerate as I can), I kick them out. But still, if your roommate is nice, he'll be willing to hear you out. It's really rude to have guests over so late at night.

[Kilter]

I would just mention the noise at night from her, so he knows. Being a guy he may not even realize it. See if you can work out 'quiet time' where both parties agree to keep the noise down.

If that doesn't work, when she's making all that noise at 3 am, get dressed, be super perky, and go bang on the door and ask if they'd like breakfast since they're up and chat up a storm. LOL.

If she's there a lot, then she should by rights be paying a third of the rent/bills, so that might be a bonus for you too, who knows...

[milos_mommy]

If it's once in a while, like one night over the weekend, I'd let it go.

If it's happening multiple times a week at ungodly hours, I would approach it and ask him if you can discuss having certain quiet hours or something.

It also depends on the arrangement, if you're paying 1/3rd of the rent to crash on his couch for a few weeks, you don't really have a say. If you're paying half the rent to live with him for a few months as a formal roommate, then you absolutely have a right to ask him to keep it down.

Also: buy earplugs. Seriously.

[MilliesMom]

Ok... Going on a couple assumptions here:

1. "Studio" is the same as "bachelor". Kitchen, living room, and bathroom - no bedrooms.

2. It's the middle of the month and you've only been there three days? It was his apartment first and he invited you to stay?

I'm wondering what kind of ground rules you guys discussed before you moved in? And was the girlfriend in on that conversation? Close quarters, I can understand a bit of cattiness on her part. You seem to have a good handle on dealing with that.

He's probably not aware you're disturbed and you're probably having a hard time settling. Give it a few days and yeah, earplugs.

[Renee750il]

I think Milos and Millies have it pretty well nailed

The earplugs, definitely -- and if he sees you using them it might ease into a benign conversation about the noise

Expect more from the girlfriend, and keep letting it slide off. She's bound to feel threatened. Had you met before?

[AdrianneIsabel]

I would be humble and respectful, encourage friendship with the girl and let her know you're not a threat, are you paying equal amounts rent or just crashing?

[Dogdragoness]

I don't put up with "cattiness" I don't typically get along with other women for this reason. I would straight up tell her (not a suggestion this is just me & how I roll) that she best not be getting an uppity attitude ... ESP if its MY apartment that I am sharing.

In your case I would say try to compromise like ... No visitors after a certain time at night or if your work schedules are different, suggest he have his "adult fun time" when you are at work &, if an opportunity arises for you, you do the same.

[StephyMei1112]

Equal amounts - I've paid half the bloody rent plus half utilities.

He's just being a lovesick fool - dribbly, giggly, giddy idiot around here. I am about to retch, I wasn't even like that with any boyfriend of mine.

Well, she's been over three nights in a row so far. She usually is polite, friendly, and jokes around - her english is extremely poor and I do not speak her language (Korean) nor does she speak Chinese. A snippet of a conversation we had yesterday:

"Stepply! how are you?"

"Hi Sun, I'm ok thanks, you?"

"...what?? what??? *unintelligible*"

"Alrighty then..."

"*unintelligible* ....you go to pop?"

"Um...."

"like drink place, the pop"

"Oh, pubs. Um, not really these days"

"I see, I see.... You should look your situation now *garbled*....this house is his"

"Sure it is, I'm off to write some emails ok? You two have a good time"

*

"Sleppy! want some drink?"

"Oh, what are you guys having?"

*produces a bottle of Bacardi 151*

"Um...I think I'll have a nightcap - the Brandy will do fine for tonight, Thanks" *points to a bottle on the counter*

*pours me a glass*

"*unintelligible*...disney?"

"....pardon?"

"...hahaha, never mind, never mind".

They're making breakfast now while spooning each other standing up =.=""

[Red.Apricot]

You should have a talk with the roommate when the girlfriend isn't around and make an effort to be clear and non-confrontational. Let him know that you're not comfortable with guests past a certain hour.

People have no way of knowing something like that is bothersome until it's pointed out. People have wildly different living styles. You need to communicate this sort of thing.