Last Monday...

[StephyMei1112]

The 19th, was the day before I was discharged out of a 2 week stint at VGH's Brief intervention psych ward/unit. I was to meet with the head of the unit, Dr Hartman* to discuss my case and go over all my assessments so far.

He was tall, discreetly handsome, charming, personable, and seemed to genuinely care for and treat patients as patients instead of as liabilities. I think I likes him abit more than my own case dr in fact.

He showed great empathy/sympathy for my situation, Katalin, and what happened with Emiley. We got onto the subject of suicide and my religion (Christianity) - he asked me what I thought of it and if I had issues of guilt or resentment towards what Emiley had done or indeed at myself for having had suicidal thoughts personally.

I said that I'd been struggling spiritually very much for a while now - and that I saw religion/god as just a leap and a prayer *shrugs*

As for suicide....

I said I didn't think it was a sin or "against the rules" to want to seek some relief, be it by whatever means that is at the moment... But that rather than persecuting, judging, or demeaning those whom have had those sorts of feelings - we should love instead. To love is the greatest thing in this world and life, and to exercise that right to love, to receive love, and to spread love should be our main prerogative, and that it certainly has been mine (at least I've tried...).

"And Emiley? How do you feel about her now?"

I paused for a moment and thought. I wiped a tear from the corner of my eye and said that...

I love her. I always will love her and that I always have. I tried helping her out while she was feeling down but, obviously - it wasn't comfort or relief enough. I understand when people need to go, it may be painful, it might be hard, but out of love, we understand.

Just a little something that was on my mind...

[Renee750il]

My heart hurts for you, Stephy.