These are some of my favorite ones.
If there is H2O on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on the outside?
Why wouldn't the butterfly go to the dance?
It was a moth ball
What disease can you get from kissing birds?
Chirpes (It's a canareal disease, but it's tweetable)
Two cows are in a field.
First Cow: "Do you worry about getting Mad Cow Disease?"
Second Cow: "Nah, I'm a penguin."
What's the difference between a Northern zoo and a Southern zoo?
In a Northern zoo you have the name of the animal and the Latin name underneath. In a Southern zoo you haven the name of the animal and a recipe underneath.
A ventriloquist cowboy walks into town. He sees a farmer and his hound dog sitting sitting out on the front porch of a rusted old shack, and he figures he'll have a little fun.
Cowboy: "Hey, cool dog. Mind if I speak to him?"
Farmer: "Dogs caint talk!"
Cowboy: "Hey dog, how's it going?"
Dog: "Great, thanks for asking."
(Farmer stares in stupefied amazement )
Cowboy: "How does your owner treat you?"
Dog: "Really well. He walks me twice a day, feeds me Alpo, and takes me to the lake once a week to play."
Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Farmer: "Horses caint talk!"
Cowboy: "Hey horse, how's it going?"
(Farmer falls off his chair)
Cowboy: "How's your owner treat you?"
Horse: "Pretty good. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements."
Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
The farmer stands up and says,"Them sheep ain't nothing but a bunch of liars!"
Did you hear about Michael Jackson? Yea, I knows it's crazy, all of the sudden the media is on HIS side.