Dog Site - Dog Stuff
Dog Forum | Dog Pictures

Go Back   Chazhound Dog Forum > Dog Forum News > The Fire Hydrant


Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #101  
Old 11-07-2012, 11:48 PM
ihartgonzo's Avatar
ihartgonzo ihartgonzo is offline
and Fozzie B!
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Northern California
Posts: 5,903
Default

It sounds like you've already gotten MORE than enough... advice. :| So I won't go any further than that, other than encouraging you to apply for jobs! Retail jobs are super easy, even while pregnant, and in high demand during the holidays.

I also encourage you to go ahead and get all of the public assistance you can. Unemployment, food stamps, whatever. They are in place to help people when they need help. If you're on bed rest and have a doctor's order for that, you can get disability benefits. Don't be ashamed or let anyone make you feel bad about taking advantage of assistance programs - it's not like you're going to be raising 6 kids from different fathers on welfare for the rest of your life!!! You lost your job, you need help temporarily until you get on your feet. The stress of this issue is bad for your health, your baby's health and your relationship so do whatever you can now to ease your stress & not have to worry about living day to day.

I'm really sorry you're going through this, and I'm sorry that people are going to question your ability to care for a child because of it. Some people seem to think that you need millions of dollars to be an adequate parent... you don't! You just need to do what you have to do to provide a stable life for your family. You have 7 months to figure everything out and while it sucks to be struggling right now, it would be so much worse to struggle like this after bringing your child into the world.

For me, getting pregnant was such a blessing not only for my relationship with my boyfriend, but also for my personal maturity, responsibility and motivation. In the 6 years since I turned 18 I've had REALLY good jobs that I threw away, I changed my major 3 times and dropped out of college, I've wasted money on the most meaningless garbage, and I've had very little direction in life other than partying and popularity. Having a baby made me focus on my needs much more than my wants, and motivated me to become an adult and actually take care of things without endlessly procrastinating. It forces you to look so much further into the future than ever before, and make you so determined to create a happy life for your family. Some people look at getting pregnant as a financial burden for 18 years, but really it's been the biggest motivation I've ever had to do better for myself. During hard times you can either fight with your boyfriend or be a team with him... actively work to do the latter. You're both in this situation together, you are going to have a baby together. Trust that everything happens for a reason, you're having his baby for a reason, he's working and he's trying and he's sticking with you!!! Appreciate that, and do as much for him and to make him feel loved as you can. Going through hardships has made my relationship with my baby's father SO much stronger, and we love each other much more every day, even though there were moments when we both questioned it.
__________________


<3 Erica, Gonzo & Fozzie
Reply With Quote
  #102  
Old 11-08-2012, 08:25 AM
Barbara!'s Avatar
Barbara! Barbara! is offline
Top Dog
 
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,457
Default

Holy bajeebus guys. Thanks for all the responses.

Thanks to those who were positive, and even to those that weren't. I stepped away from this thread for a little while so that I didn't type back in anger and make things worse and I'm glad I did that. Seems to be a whirlwind of misunderstandings.

Josh and I operate on the idea that we compromise. Whether I agree or disagree with him, we meet in the middle, no matter what. That's how we keep our relationship going. He didn't want to sell ANYTHING. He feels like he's failed as a provider, and wanted to find another route to fix it besides hocking off all the things he has gotten for me or the things he had. I told him, though, that we needed to sell stuff. So we have basically everything we own on Craigslist except for TWO things that he said "no" to. And that's our compromise. I'm not going to make him feel like less of a man and a provider by telling him that we are selling them. I'm not going to force his hand and ruin the compromise. We have A LOT of things on Craigslist already, and very little hits. So even if I post up the camera (the iPad is already up), I'm unlikely to get someone wanting to buy them before my financial crisis is already over. Things don't sell like wildfire on Craigslist here, either way.

I have a cell phone and so does my boyfriend (he has a smart phone, I do not), but our parents pay for them. Our parents cover our cell phones and car insurances. Not because we told them we don't want to or can't afford it, but because that's what they want to do for us. Josh's older brother is almost 40 and they still pay his insurance and cell phone. *shrug* I can only thank them for all the help its been.

I don't live in the lap of luxury just because I have an iPad and a camera (with which I hope and plan to start a business). I don't have any living room furniture. None. No dining room or anything like that, either. I only have bedroom furniture and we have everything set up in our bedroom. So I'm not sitting around with a bunch of nice things and crystal chandeliers barking about money... I am doing everything I can.

The Internet built up because when Penny had her pyometra and Josh had truck issues, we payed for that instead of the Internet. (Even though we still owe money on the pyometra.) We didn't cancel because we knew we would be able to pay the backed up amount, and we can, in 2 weeks. That's another thing that is mostly Josh's responsibility. He is making the money and it is in his name, so whatever he sees fit to do with the Internet is what happens in that department. It's an Internet/House phone bundle.

I am not rehoming any of my animals. That's not even something I will consider. They can eat Purina for a couple weeks. It's not drastic enough that I need to rehome them. And there's no reason to rehome them because I'm pregnant, either. I made a commitment that I can follow through with, no matter how hard it may be.

The main reasons we got behind is due to unexpected financial emergencies and a couple canceled contracts at Josh's work, which led to him bringing home a couple less than stellar paychecks for a couple weeks.

We have already split the rent payment for this month. Our rent is $600, and our electric bill was $150. (We have to be a little more frugal about that...) We gave them $250 on the third, and are giving them $500 this Saturday. Josh's boss approved giving him next weeks paycheck with this paycheck as well, so we are going to be okay. Not just this month, but it will be fine. In two weeks time we will pay the backed up Internet bill, and then the last check of this month and the first check of next month go to rent, and then we have two more paychecks after that with which to catch up on everything else. We just needed to trudge past this little hump and we can do it, it's just difficult for the time being. And if we sell some stuff, that will just get us to that point even quicker.

I don't remember what somebody said about me having a baby, but yes, I plan to apply for WIC and food stamps (it's a one month wait to make an appt to apply at the local offices here. Unless there is another way to do it?) . I have already been approved for Medicaid and I have my first prenatal appointment on the 14th. It hurts my pride, of course, but I will do what needs to be done to make sure everything will be okay for my baby.

And yes, my boyfriend said he isn't as IN love with me all the time as he used to be. He didn't say he didn't love me. Because he loves me a lot. He just feels sort of dead and not "IN" love in our relationship anymore, and I really can't blame him. I've been a negative, depressing, angry ball of fury for the past 5-6 months and I have no doubt that wore him down. I was very upset about my job and it was just horrible. (I quit, so I can't collect unemployment.) So I'm trying to do better, trying to be happier, more positive and optimistic, and everything will be okay. It's already improving. He's just so much happier when I'M happier. My mood effects him a lot. There is absolutely no chance of him leaving or taking off. He's more honorable than that, and just wouldn't abandon me in that way without fighting tooth and nail to fix it first.

But yeah. Lol. Hope my summary helped clear up some things and once again, thanks for the responses.
__________________
"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself." -D.H. Lawrence

"Only when the last tree is cut, only when the last river is polluted, only when the last fish is caught, will they realize that you can’t eat money." –Native American proverb
Reply With Quote
  #103  
Old 11-08-2012, 09:07 AM
Fran27 Fran27 is offline
Top Dog
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 10,414
Default

What I don't understand is why you didn't make sure not to get pregnant in that situation. It seems you're already way over your head with your pets, and you're adding a baby... I'm guessing it was a mistake though, but still, mistakes are preventable. Unless of course it was an accident, then I get it. But it hardly seems like the ideal situation to bring in a child.

How are you going to afford daycare, even if you find a job? And clothes for the baby? I'd strongly urge your boyfriend to try and find a second job, too. What if he brings more smaller checks later because another contract didn't work out? Frankly your parents sound like great people and IMO you should consider asking them if you can stay over there for a while, at least until you have enough money to pay for everything and a little bit in savings in case something happens with your dogs again.

I know a lot of people who live check by check with a kid but they didn't start totally in the red either.
Reply With Quote
  #104  
Old 11-08-2012, 09:23 AM
release the hounds release the hounds is offline
Top Dog
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,177
Default

Love isn't a feeling, it's a commitment There are plenty of things that will happen over a lifetime where you won't "feel" like you're in love and it is that love and commitment that will get you thru. If you're basing it on a "feeling" might as well accept the inevitable.
Reply With Quote
  #105  
Old 11-08-2012, 09:26 AM
Barbara!'s Avatar
Barbara! Barbara! is offline
Top Dog
 
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,457
Default

I'm not totally in the red and it's not always like that. Josh makes good money by himself, we just had three things happen at once that got us behind. Vet bills, car trouble, and canceled contracts. All that together caused an issue and that was a rare occurrence. One of those "when it rains, it pours" situations. I'm not going home, I have a boyfriend that I live with. ): And once I have a job again, we will be just fine. He can't get a second job, the job he has now consumes most of his time.

Have none of you ever had a mudslide financial crisis?

I have severe PCOS, and the doctors said it would be very difficult for me to get pregnant without hormone treatments. So I stopped using birth control about a year ago thinking that I would let nature take its course. I'm pregnant now and it wasn't an accident or a mistake and I'm very happy about it.

When I'm not without a job and 3 things aren't collapsing at once, we make pretty good money. Josh is also expecting a promotion in this job sometime at the beginning of next year where we will move and he will be making six figures. So I hope that happens.
__________________
"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself." -D.H. Lawrence

"Only when the last tree is cut, only when the last river is polluted, only when the last fish is caught, will they realize that you can’t eat money." –Native American proverb
Reply With Quote
  #106  
Old 11-08-2012, 09:28 AM
Barbara!'s Avatar
Barbara! Barbara! is offline
Top Dog
 
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,457
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by release the hounds View Post
Love isn't a feeling, it's a commitment There are plenty of things that will happen over a lifetime where you won't "feel" like you're in love and it is that love and commitment that will get you thru. If you're basing it on a "feeling" might as well accept the inevitable.
I'm not sure what you mean. I'm pretty sure if he wasn't committed he would have ditched me months ago.
__________________
"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself." -D.H. Lawrence

"Only when the last tree is cut, only when the last river is polluted, only when the last fish is caught, will they realize that you can’t eat money." –Native American proverb
Reply With Quote
  #107  
Old 11-08-2012, 09:28 AM
Taqroy's Avatar
Taqroy Taqroy is offline
Top Dog
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Colorado
Posts: 5,556
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fran27 View Post
What I don't understand is why you didn't make sure not to get pregnant in that situation. It seems you're already way over your head with your pets, and you're adding a baby... I'm guessing it was a mistake though, but still, mistakes are preventable. Unless of course it was an accident, then I get it. But it hardly seems like the ideal situation to bring in a child.
Are you serious? How is this remotely helpful? I don't even KNOW Barbara but this level of judgment and nosiness just seems...unnecessary. What possible good does it do to berate her over getting pregnant? It's none of our business whether it was an accident or intentional and I'm sure that being harassed over it is exactly what she needs right now. Can you not think just for a second how you would feel in this situation?

Barbara, I would look at getting on a super strict budget once you get back on your feet. (Unless you are already, in which case, just ignore me.) www.mint.com is awesome for seeing where your money is going. I use it all the time. And you can use it to track trends and see over the course of a few months what you spend the most money on. When Matt was unemployed we basically didn't do anything that wasn't free - there are TONS of things to do without spending much money.
__________________


I have a blog!! TeamShortLegs - Last updated 10/13/2013
Reply With Quote
  #108  
Old 11-08-2012, 09:30 AM
Barbara!'s Avatar
Barbara! Barbara! is offline
Top Dog
 
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,457
Default

Sounds like a good idea! My Dad plans to help me budget with the baby stuff... And he plans to help me buy a lot of necessities... Which is great and very helpful. He is already really excited and said he wants to be PaPaw! Lol.

I also have a friend that referred me where he works... The Isle of Capri casino in a full time position, so I hope they call me soon! I put an app in yesterday.
__________________
"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself." -D.H. Lawrence

"Only when the last tree is cut, only when the last river is polluted, only when the last fish is caught, will they realize that you can’t eat money." –Native American proverb
Reply With Quote
  #109  
Old 11-08-2012, 09:34 AM
Dakotah's Avatar
Dakotah Dakotah is offline
Kotah BEAR
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: GA
Posts: 7,998
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Barbara! View Post
He is already really excited and said he wants to be PaPaw! Lol.
Probably the best and cutest thing said in this thread PaPaw! lol I love it.

Take all the positive advice you can from this thread.
And ignore the haters You will be fine, just do a budget and get things back to "normal".
__________________
*War Eagle*
Reply With Quote
  #110  
Old 11-08-2012, 09:36 AM
Taqroy's Avatar
Taqroy Taqroy is offline
Top Dog
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Colorado
Posts: 5,556
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Barbara! View Post
Sounds like a good idea! My Dad plans to help me budget with the baby stuff... And he plans to help me buy a lot of necessities... Which is great and very helpful. He is already really excited and said he wants to be PaPaw! Lol.
I find this list very helpful (and not overwhelming like the Babies R Us one).
Things you NEED for a baby

Something for the baby to poop and pee in:
Cloth
Disposables

A way to feed the baby:
Breast-feeding
Exclusively Pumping
Formula Feeding

A place for the baby to sleep:
Bed sharing
Co-sleeper
Bassinet
Pack N Play
Crib

Clothes for the baby to wear:
Onesies
Sleepers
Pants
Kimono Tops
Hats
Socks
Sweater/ Jacket
Swaddle/ Swaddling Blankets

You can get pretty much all of that stuff second hand for WAY cheap. Babies don't NEED new stuff. They need you and food and clothing and a place to sleep.

My dad already threatened to come kidnap his grandkid when he retires in a couple years. He says they're going to go fishing and hunting and hang out. Lol. Dad's are awesome.
__________________


I have a blog!! TeamShortLegs - Last updated 10/13/2013
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 03:11 AM.


©1997-2013 Chazhound Dog Site