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  #41  
Old 10-30-2012, 11:22 AM
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Shai Shai is offline
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I know I have friends of both genders and so does hubby. It's not a big deal. Neither of us excludes the other nor do we need to be chaperoned. If I have one who insists upon behaving inappropriately, guy or girl, we won't be friends long. My choice. I just have no interest in that sort of rubbish. Same for hubby. It's honestly never been a point of contention.
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  #42  
Old 10-30-2012, 11:26 AM
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Originally Posted by Beanie View Post
I think there's a big difference between "I don't want you to be friends with that guy/girl anymore because they clearly have intentions for you" and "I don't want you to be friends with that guy/girl anymore because they are a guy/girl."
As far as forsaking all others goes, that applies to everybody which includes friends of both sexes. I don't see how a man with a female friend is inherently any different than a man with a male friend, or vice versa with the sexes. Especially since there's the whole saying "bros before hos," obviously there are men who believe on putting their MALE friends before their female SO. =P So forsaking all others is not a comment of the sex of the individual involved - it's a comment on the relationship itself.


I'm trying to envision myself being mad if my husband got a phone call from a friend who was suicidal and I just can't do it. But there's probably just a personality difference there.
I also agree wih this, I have seen a guy put his GUY friends before his SO & I have seen girls do the same thing with their female friends too. I wouldn't put my FEMALE friends before my OH so I wouldn't put my male friends before my OH either.

I think that's what it comes down to, not the gender of the friends but who the person in the relationship puts first.

That being said, if one of my friends guy or girl needs cheering up, then I will do something like take them to a movie (OH doesn't like movies... ESP scary ones lol)
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  #43  
Old 10-30-2012, 11:30 AM
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I also agree wih this, I have seen a guy put his GUY friends before his SO & I have seen girls do the same thing with their female friends too. I wouldn't put my FEMALE friends before my OH so I wouldn't put my male friends before my OH either.

I think that's what it comes down to, not the gender of the friends but who the person in the relationship puts first.

That being said, if one of my friends guy or girl needs cheering up, then I will do something like take them to a movie (OH doesn't like movies... ESP scary ones lol)
I usually have my friends come over for cheering up anyway because *I* hate the movies (so I wont be as cheering up as if I were in a place I didnt hate) and what not but people dont come out to me or call me for that anyway since I A) dont have access to a car most days and B) live in BFE lol
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  #44  
Old 10-30-2012, 11:58 AM
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I have the same issue with same sex friends disrespecting relationships. If you can't respect my relationship then I really don't want to be around that person much anyway.


But I do feel there is a differene between male/male, female/female and male/female. Maybe it is just my experience with other sex friends who wouldn't have hesitated to make it a friends with benefits type deal but it is also different in the way society perceives it. There doesn't have to be anything sexual in a relationship in order for it to be perceived that way and while rumors are rumors they can and often DO hurt relationships. I don't surround myself with people who are like that but still it is just not a battle against society I want to fight an it isn't a position I want to put myself in

But again I didn't have any super male female relationships to begin with so no biggie here

All of my female friendship social time pretty mich happens during the day while hubby is at work. I don't really enjoy going out for a girls night when I know hubby is just sitting at home alone. I'd rather be with him lol. I don't have anywhere near as much fun with anyone else as I do with him. He is my best friend and when I am out while he is home i am usually thinkin about how I can't wait to get back home and hang out with him lol
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  #45  
Old 10-30-2012, 12:06 PM
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But I do feel there is a differene between male/male, female/female and male/female. Maybe it is just my experience with other sex friends who wouldn't have hesitated to make it a friends with benefits type deal but it is also different in the way society perceives it. There doesn't have to be anything sexual in a relationship in order for it to be perceived that way and while rumors are rumors they can and often DO hurt relationships. I don't surround myself with people who are like that but still it is just not a battle against society I want to fight an it isn't a position I want to put myself in
This. I don't want to put myself in a situation where people are questioning my relationship.

I think it's important to emphasize too that I didn't just cut all ties with every male in my life the day I got married. I still have several strong friendships with guys I've known since I was a kid. When they're in town and want to go to dinner, Zach comes with me (because it feels uncomfortable not to have him there), but I would never turn them down just because I was married. As time has gone on, those friendships have started to fade due to time and distance (some I haven't seen in 5+ years), but the same has happened to female friends I knew when I was younger.

What I didn't do though was actively pursue close new friendships with guys. I have no need to do that.

As a bit of a tangent, I don't think it's right to have any one who is a better friend than your spouse, regardless of gender. If you have a person who you are more comfortable talking to than your spouse, that indicates a relationship deficiency in my mind, and in the case of our relationship would be a cause for counseling.
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  #46  
Old 10-30-2012, 12:08 PM
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I'm one who has mostly guy friends, I can't stand hanging out with most girls LOL. I have one close female friend and the rest of my friends are guys. Most of them are Eric's friends, so we all hang out together. But one of my best friends is a guy (who's also one of Eric's friends) who I've known since Eric & I started dating, and him & I talk more than Eric & him do now.

It's never caused any issues. He lives in GA now and I do go see him when he's home, sometimes with Eric, sometimes without. He also happens to be good friends with the girl I hang out with, so us 3 hang out sometimes too.

Eric has a few girls he talks to, I know all of them. There is one I think crosses the line a bit (texts him more often that I'd like), and I've talked to him about not talking to her as much anymore.

We've been together almost 8yrs., married since April. I'm not going to tell him that NO he can't have ANY female friends, and if he tried to tell me that I couldn't have any guy friends, there'd probably be issues.

He's never once wanted to go hang out one on one with any of them, so that's never come up.. I'll admit that that'd probably be an issue for me, based on some of the things he's done in the past.
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  #47  
Old 10-30-2012, 12:08 PM
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Originally Posted by CaliTerp07 View Post
This. I don't want to put myself in a situation where people are questioning my relationship.

I think it's important to emphasize too that I didn't just cut all ties with every male in my life the day I got married. I still have several strong friendships with guys I've known since I was a kid. When they're in town and want to go to dinner, Zach comes with me (because it feels uncomfortable not to have him there), but I would never turn them down just because I was married. As time has gone on, those friendships have started to fade due to time and distance (some I haven't seen in 5+ years), but the same has happened to female friends I knew when I was younger.

What I didn't do though was actively pursue close new friendships with guys. I have no need to do that.

As a bit of a tangent, I don't think it's right to have any one who is a better friend than your spouse, regardless of gender. If you have a person who you are more comfortable talking to than your spouse, that indicates a relationship deficiency in my mind, and in the case of our relationship would be a cause for counseling.
I do have this in my relationship BUT mine isnt a normal marriage. My husband has Aspergers and sometimes I dont want to have to explain every little thing to him if I'm upset. I want to just cry, and spill not worry about if I conveyed my thoughts in a way he can understand.

ETA: it doesnt make the person a better friend then my spouse anyone Im like this with I have known longer then him but they are not better friends they just fill a hole that my husband can't always accomplish without one of us getting frustrated. I do end up repeating it to him when I have the patience to go through the motions that I have to when talking to him.
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  #48  
Old 10-30-2012, 12:09 PM
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Originally Posted by Shai View Post
I know I have friends of both genders and so does hubby. It's not a big deal. Neither of us excludes the other nor do we need to be chaperoned. If I have one who insists upon behaving inappropriately, guy or girl, we won't be friends long. My choice. I just have no interest in that sort of rubbish. Same for hubby. It's honestly never been a point of contention.
This...especially the not needing to be chaperoned.

I do not understand how it is respectful to your SO not have opposite sex/gender friends. I trust my SO not to do something stupid, I trust his friends, and he trusts me and my friends. That, to me, is respectful.

Giving up friends because something could potentially happen is so ludicrous to me.
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  #49  
Old 10-30-2012, 12:11 PM
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Originally Posted by CaliTerp07 View Post
This. I don't want to put myself in a situation where people are questioning my relationship.

I think it's important to emphasize too that I didn't just cut all ties with every male in my life the day I got married. I still have several strong friendships with guys I've known since I was a kid. When they're in town and want to go to dinner, Zach comes with me (because it feels uncomfortable not to have him there), but I would never turn them down just because I was married. As time has gone on, those friendships have started to fade due to time and distance (some I haven't seen in 5+ years), but the same has happened to female friends I knew when I was younger.

What I didn't do though was actively pursue close new friendships with guys. I have no need to do that.

As a bit of a tangent, I don't think it's right to have any one who is a better friend than your spouse, regardless of gender. If you have a person who you are more comfortable talking to than your spouse, that indicates a relationship deficiency in my mind, and in the case of our relationship would be a cause for counseling.
Bolded anded by me , but I firmly believe this.

He is my best friend and truly the other half of me.
I don't want to spend time with anyone else. I don't have time for anyone else. My friends know this and act appropriately
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  #50  
Old 10-30-2012, 12:14 PM
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What's funny is I really worried about this when I was engaged. I have always gotten along better with guys than girls, and as such always had more male friendships. My campus minister in college counseled me that I was going to have to change my ways when I got married, and I was really frustrated and upset that he suggested that.

And then I got married, and I just didn't have a need for male friendships anymore. My husband fulfills all that those guy friends offered and more. I now wonder why I was so concerned about not pursuing friendships with guys, because I have no desire to do it at all now.
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