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  #31  
Old 10-30-2012, 10:31 AM
JessLough JessLough is offline
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I.... Don'tthink about if one has a penis or vagina before I start a friendship with them. I'm on the side of its doable.
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  #32  
Old 10-30-2012, 10:32 AM
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I will say Jeremy has dropped quite a few since we got married/serious. Some for issues other then them being female (really into partying and what not) and others because they were ex's he was friends with and THEY couldnt stay within boundries to the point it was NOT pretty. I told him once either I go or they go.

He had taken one to a concert since he had a free ticket and she wanted to go. He ran it past me and I said cool whatever. Well he calls me after to talk on the phone and OH MY GOD. If she wasnt trying to ***** herself out to him then I dont know WHAT she was trying. He didn't "get" it until I told him after that it made me REALLY uncomfortable especially since we lived 10 hrs apart. She and I had been friends prior to this incident so she KNEW how serious we were. She kept going on and on about when they were dating and flirting and just UGH.

The other was the same situation to the point of her telling him I was being a controlling bitch because I wouldn't "let" him go to school when we could NOT afford it.

That being said we now pretty much share friends. Hes friends with my long time friends and my new friends. Hes friends with people at work but they stay work friends.

ETA: he does have some from his past jobs still and some from Firefighter EMT school that I have no problems with and some Im friends with even.
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  #33  
Old 10-30-2012, 10:47 AM
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Originally Posted by JessLough View Post
I.... Don'tthink about if one has a penis or vagina before I start a friendship with them. I'm on the side of its doable.
This sums it up for me.
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  #34  
Old 10-30-2012, 10:48 AM
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OH I definitely notice if a person is male or female. I may not be like HEY you are a guy... but I definitely know if I'm friending a guy or a girl. I don't duck and run if a guy talks to me

but like Jules said, I wouldn't be like "hey male friend lets go out to a movie" while my husband (my BEST friend) sits at home by himself. Some people would do that and that's fine for them. it's just not something I would be comfortable doing myself.
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  #35  
Old 10-30-2012, 10:51 AM
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Originally Posted by sparks19 View Post
OH I definitely notice if a person is male or female. I may not be like HEY you are a guy... but I definitely know if I'm friending a guy or a girl. I don't duck and run if a guy talks to me

but like Jules said, I wouldn't be like "hey male friend lets go out to a movie" while my husband (my BEST friend) sits at home by himself. Some people would do that and that's fine for them. it's just not something I would be comfortable doing myself.
same here. heck I dont really go out with my other friends without him unless he happens to be at work. If hes off I want to be with HIM not other people.
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  #36  
Old 10-30-2012, 10:53 AM
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My thing is, is that you wouldn't ask a female to get rid of her female or a guy to get rid of their guy friends. There is no reason to ask me to give up someone I have gone through just as much if not more than I have with my girl friends.

And realistically we've had about eight years to hammer out if we are going to have sex or date and it came up as a negative. If that feels threatening to you then it's just kin of a that sucks for you sort of thing.

And speaking of respect if my guy can't respect me enough to allow me to pick my own friends its not going to last very long.

My last relationship ended because it was when my friend was talking about killing himself. I ended up calling the police to go check on him. I had been on the phone with him for days begging him to get help and my ex was like why do you even need guy friends now any way?

Not only did I dump him I had gone four hours out of my way to pick him up and bring Jim over to hang out I kicked him out and he found his way home on his own.

My friends are my friends regardless of gender and if you can't deal you are the one who will be gone not them.
This

I have had relationships end because my friends are my friends regardless of gender or sexual orientation & any guy who I date that has a problem with it either needs to get over it or he would be gone

Thank god I have a really good guy now that has female friends & that doesn't bother me, so I was upfront with the male friends I had & had had for a long time because they know I'm in a relationship & respect it, those who don't aren't my friends anymore, it goes both ways
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  #37  
Old 10-30-2012, 10:58 AM
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There is a major difference between having friends of the opposite gender, and choosing to spend time with them instead of with (or without) your spouse. I have plenty of guy friends. My husband and I often do things with those friends. I would feel very uncomfortable though telling Zach, "Hey honey, I'm going to go have dinner with [male friend] tonight, so you're on your own for dinner." Either Zach comes with me, or I don't go.

But then, Zach is truly my best friend. I can't imagine being married to someone who wasn't. I realize that's not the case in everyone's marriage.
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  #38  
Old 10-30-2012, 11:00 AM
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I think there's a big difference between "I don't want you to be friends with that guy/girl anymore because they clearly have intentions for you" and "I don't want you to be friends with that guy/girl anymore because they are a guy/girl."
As far as forsaking all others goes, that applies to everybody which includes friends of both sexes. I don't see how a man with a female friend is inherently any different than a man with a male friend, or vice versa with the sexes. Especially since there's the whole saying "bros before hos," obviously there are men who believe on putting their MALE friends before their female SO. =P So forsaking all others is not a comment of the sex of the individual involved - it's a comment on the relationship itself.


I'm trying to envision myself being mad if my husband got a phone call from a friend who was suicidal and I just can't do it. But there's probably just a personality difference there.
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  #39  
Old 10-30-2012, 11:06 AM
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I wouldn't have a problem with it. Are you cool going out shopping or a girls day with out your husband/bf?

Well my shopping days are video games. Guy is welcome to it but can't get pissy if he doesn't like video games and that's all we do or talk about.
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  #40  
Old 10-30-2012, 11:09 AM
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Originally Posted by yoko View Post
I wouldn't have a problem with it. Are you cool going out shopping or a girls day with out your husband/bf?

Well my shopping days are video games. Guy is welcome to it but can't get pissy if he doesn't like video games and that's all we do or talk about.
I usually plan it while hes at work because I HATE going shopping with him if I dont have to.

He doesnt understand why I spend money in certain places for the kids and complains no matter how much I explain it LOL.
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