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  #21  
Old 10-30-2012, 08:01 AM
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Yes they can. My best friend is a guy. He helped me through a bunch of super hard times and I've helped him through some horrible family issues. He's even the one friend I have mentioned was suicidal.

I didn't go out looking for a guy friend it just happened. I've always told every guy I have dated that my best friend is a guy. If they have an issue they are gone. If they can't accept that someone who has helped me with so much happens to have a penis I can already say its not going to work out anyway.
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  #22  
Old 10-30-2012, 08:14 AM
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I have friends of all sexes... and genders. I have different friends for different reasons. Some of them like football and some of them don't - both sexes. Some of them knit and some of them don't - both sexes. Some of them I can trust for when my life is falling apart and some of them I can't - both sexes.
Their parts don't really come into the equation, to be honest, and I'm not sure why so many people put that much emphasis on it. I get that some people do... I just don't. And I don't really think it's entirely necessary. But to each their own as long as they don't try to mess with me and mine.
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  #23  
Old 10-30-2012, 08:14 AM
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Laci Green has a video on the subject =)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=--AcYR6axgA&sns=em
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  #24  
Old 10-30-2012, 08:22 AM
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Originally Posted by CaliTerp07 View Post
Can it work? Sure. Does it often cause a lot of tension? Absolutely.

I've always been someone who had more guy friends than girlfriends. That changed once I got married. Out of respect for my husband, I do not intentionally spend time alone with other men. I do not actively seek out male friendships. I have guy friends I've had since childhood that I still regularly talk to, and of course I have male coworkers that I have gotten to know since being married--but I would never call one of those guys up and say, "Let's go to the movies" like I would with a female friend.

A lot of people have told me that means I obviously don't trust myself (or my husband, since he has the same policy for female friends), but I don't think that's true at all. I value my marriage above any other relationship I hold, and don't want anyone or anything to come between it. I make choices to insure that it never will.
This. This. This.

This is also how Josh and I operate. He doesn't have any female friends (he had one... that didn't work out. Lol.) and I have one guy friend that I have been friends with since middle school, but I don't really talk to much anymore.
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  #25  
Old 10-30-2012, 09:13 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CaliTerp07 View Post
Can it work? Sure. Does it often cause a lot of tension? Absolutely.

I've always been someone who had more guy friends than girlfriends. That changed once I got married. Out of respect for my husband, I do not intentionally spend time alone with other men. I do not actively seek out male friendships. I have guy friends I've had since childhood that I still regularly talk to, and of course I have male coworkers that I have gotten to know since being married--but I would never call one of those guys up and say, "Let's go to the movies" like I would with a female friend.

A lot of people have told me that means I obviously don't trust myself (or my husband, since he has the same policy for female friends), but I don't think that's true at all. I value my marriage above any other relationship I hold, and don't want anyone or anything to come between it. I make choices to insure that it never will.
This is pretty much how I feel, too.

Although I can't say that I really had any close guy friends to begin with. Sure I had guys that were friends but it definitely wasn't totally innocent. They had no qualms about letting me know they would like to add benefits to the title of friends lol so needless to say I didn't continue those friendships after I was married.

We have couples friends and it wouldn't be weird if we were all meetig somewhere and friends hubby and I got there first and chatted while we waited for our spouses to arrive but I wouldn't call him up and be like HEY want to leave your wife at home and hang out solo. Lol it just isn't something i am overly interested in persuing
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  #26  
Old 10-30-2012, 09:22 AM
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My thing is, is that you wouldn't ask a female to get rid of her female or a guy to get rid of their guy friends. There is no reason to ask me to give up someone I have gone through just as much if not more than I have with my girl friends.

And realistically we've had about eight years to hammer out if we are going to have sex or date and it came up as a negative. If that feels threatening to you then it's just kin of a that sucks for you sort of thing.

And speaking of respect if my guy can't respect me enough to allow me to pick my own friends its not going to last very long.

My last relationship ended because it was when my friend was talking about killing himself. I ended up calling the police to go check on him. I had been on the phone with him for days begging him to get help and my ex was like why do you even need guy friends now any way?

Not only did I dump him I had gone four hours out of my way to pick him up and bring Jim over to hang out I kicked him out and he found his way home on his own.

My friends are my friends regardless of gender and if you can't deal you are the one who will be gone not them.
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  #27  
Old 10-30-2012, 09:27 AM
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Yoko, I understand your frustration, and you have every right to care about your best friend. It sounds like your ex had some serious jealousy/insecurity issues. There is a difference between forcing you to get rid of friends the second you are in a relationship, and choosing not pursuing new friendships.

My other comment is that there is also a difference between a dating relationship that may or may not last, and a marriage that is supposed to be forever. When we said our vows we promised to "forsake all others"--that is, not to let anyone (or anything) come between our relationship to each other. We constantly make choices to put the other person first.
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  #28  
Old 10-30-2012, 09:38 AM
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Agree with Cali again.

There is a difference between a boyfriend making the decision for you that you have to get rid of said friend and making a conscious decision yourself that pursuing male friendships isn't something you want to do in your marriage. There is nothing wrong with a couple sitting down and mutually agreeing that opposite sex friendships aren't important enough to engage in. It is up to each person and couple to decide amongst themselves what they feel is appropriate or "worth it" and what isn't

Heck you don't even have to have an actual sexual relationship for one to e fabricated by others.
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  #29  
Old 10-30-2012, 09:53 AM
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When Josh and I first started dating, he was best friends with a girl named Danielle whom he had never met in person, just online and on his phone. I was alright with him being friends with her... Until she broke up with her boyfriend and her texts to him started to get a little too flirty. I had an acquaintance relationship established with her and I asked her why she was being so flirty with Josh. She straight up told me that she was in love with him. I told her to stop talking to him, and she said "I have no obligation to you or to your relationship. I can do whatever I please." Josh said he had no feelings for her, but I told him right then and there, that he would stop talking to her or I would leave. It was getting in between us and as we were in a serious relationship, we both felt that we need to respect each other and make compromises in order to avoid hurting the other person. So he stopped talking to her... Or so I thought. He has not spoken to her for a year now (that I know of) but after I told him to stop speaking to her, I caught him talking to her on three different occasions over a period of a year and a half. Why fight so hard to speak to someone against the will of someone you love if the feelings are truly only platonic? Wouldn't the person you love, and their feelings, come first in that situation? Likewise, I had a male friend that was always very forward with me when Josh and I started dating, and he asked me to stop speaking to him, and I did. I felt my relationship was more important than allowing a lesser relationship to cause problems. To me, it's all about compromise and respecting the wishes of one another, even if you don't always agree with their wish, you do it to keep them happy because their happiness is important to you.

On the question, though, I do think men and women can just be friends... But I don't think those sorts of relationships are common.
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  #30  
Old 10-30-2012, 10:05 AM
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I think that men and women can friends, absolutely. But I also agree with Cali. I will meet up with male friends if, for example, I visit my family in Germany by myself, and would like to catch up with old friends. There are no trust issues in situations like that, but I would not go hang out with a male friend while Dan sits at home.
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