Chaz Moms and Moms-to-Be Chat (everyone welcome)

Same here.
I told my DH we needed to start trying because it could take a year or more and then we conceived in our second month of trying. (thank god, because even those two months felt like eternity!)

My husband is a sucky suckmeister and vetos all my baby names, which I happen to think are pretty awesome. Luckily we aren't expecting so it's not a big deal, but I am determined to get my way when the time comes lol.

Let me ask you all if you think this is weird. My husband wants to name our first son Daniel Adam, after his two brothers who died in a fire before my husband was born. They were 10 and 5, respectively. My husband's father had a reverse vasectomy and Roy was conceived a couple of years after their deaths.

I think it's morbid. I mean, telling a kid he's named after not one, but two dead uncles who were just innocent little children when they died in a tragic accident? I'm willing to use one of the names as a middle name, but he wants both. He already has a nephew named Adam who was born about 7 years after the fire and was named in honor of the youngest boy who died. So I'm willing to use Daniel as a middle name.

I just think it's weird as hell.

I don't think it's weird at all. My nephew is named Spencer... there is also a cousin in the family named Spencer named after my uncle who was killed in a car accident before I was born so I never met him.

it was important to my brother and to my cousin to have their first boys named after him.

I think in this situation, it's creepy. Your husband didn't know either of them. It's different to name a child after a beloved grandmother, aunt, uncle, family friend. But I agree it's a bit odd to name your child after someone you and they have never met. There are many other ways to honor their lives than to name a child after them. And.... it's YOUR child as well. I believe in giving a child their own life as much as possible. But I'm not a fan of Jr's, either.

I would use Daniel as a middle name as well. I pretty much use middle names to please my family

I dont think its creepy at all, nor morbid. NOt something I would necessarily fee the need to do but then again, I have never been in a situation remotely like your husbands. I dont think not meeting them makes it any different...they were still his brothers and I can guarantee have had a huge impact on his entire life.

I dont think anything is wrong with NOT wanting to use the names either, just because you dont want to.

I don't think that's weird or morbid at all. People cope with death in lots of different ways, but I know a number of people who have done something like that.

I know a girl who named her son after two cousins (first and middle name) who had died before she was born, one as a toddler and one as a teenager.

I know a family who named their baby girl after a cousin who died in a car accident early in the pregnancy...the only creepy part is that the baby girl is a spitting image of the girl who died. They weren't even *that* closely related.

When I was with my ex fiance, we planned on naming our daughter after his deceased sister, who he had known his whole life but I had never met...after we split up, I STILL considered using the name. While I had never met her, I felt a connection to her, and felt that learning about her life AND the relationships she had with her living relatives had a strong impact on me.

I've also considered using the names of great uncles I had who died as an infant and toddler - safe to say I never met them.

What if you suggest he put both of their names in the middle spot? It's quite common for people to use two middle names, and that way one won't seem more "honored" than the other...and you won't have to hear a name that makes you sad or weirded out constantly.

In other news....MY GOD daycare is expensive.

I appreciate y'all's opinions on the matter. I'm kind of split on it, and like I said, I just find it a bit morbid, especially since it's two names of two brothers who both died in a tragic accident. I think a person's name defines in part who they are, and I want my child to have 'his' own name, if that makes sense. His whole name would be a repetition of those who came before him--his first, middle, and last name. Nothing would really be 'his'.

By the same token, I do acknowledge that these names obviously have significance to my husband. He's a very quiet, laid-back guy, so when he usually says something, he means it. For him to express wanting to name his firstborn after them, I know it has deep meaning behind it for him. I also think if I was in his position I would feel differently.

I like the idea of using them as two middle names. I hadn't really thought of that. What we really need to do is compromise on the name. Not really an issue right now, but it will be in the future.

You could also honor them in different ways, by choosing two names that have the same meanings as his brother's names, but aren't the same, by choosing names with the same initials, or by choosing names that are sort of a different spin on those names...for example, choosing Danielle for a little girl, or something like Adamo or another foreign version.

But having those names doesn't make your child less of an individual. It doesn't automatically mean they must be who those two people were. You can be named after someone and still be yourself and have your own identity and really you don't even have to make an issue of being like "your names came from two other people who died tragically". IMO, the issue could be non exsistent or be a problem created by emphasis on it from you or OH.

My nephew doesn't feel that his name or his identity isn't his because he's named after an uncle to died tragically. It's also not drilled into him or made to be a huge issue by his parents. It's HIS name... it just happens to be in honor of someone else. doesnt' make it any less his or make him anyone other than who he is.

My middle name was my grandmothers name. I wouldn't be upset if it were my first name, it's a nice name even if it is common for a middle name. I like it and I feel special carrying that legacy with me and in turn... gave my daughter that middle name as well.

Not saying you are wrong for feeling the way you do, just giving a different perspective that it doesn't have to be all about those people who died if you don't make it that way.

I find out the sex tomorrow morning. I also have the testing for down syndrome. Big day, big day.

Good luck!! Are you having an amnio?? Will they be able to tell if the baby has Down's Syndrome, or just if you have a higher risk? I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers tomorrow.

As far as I know, it's just going to be a very extensive ultrasound. If it's an amino, I don't think I want to do that. I've heard horror stories of miscarriage with that, and it scares me. So I'm not 100% sure what the ultrasound will say... If I have a higher chance or a yes or no. Thanks!

What is it around where you are? The cheapest options my friends found was an in home day care at $1000/month. The "centers" charge upwards of $2k/month. A nanny is $15-20/hour (so $1050-1400/week for 40 hours) plus vacation time--so it only makes sense if you have multiple children.

A popular option around here is a nanny share or an au pair if you have the space for them to live with you.

Yup, Cali, the prices are the same range you listed (which I think is true of most things in DC and NY). It costs the same for 3 days/week of half-day daycare (8pm-2pm) as my rent has always cost.

I think for part-time daycare, it actually makes more sense to go with a nanny or babysitter, which surprises me. Especially for an infant.

Y'all need to bring your kids to Georgia for baby sitting. Good heavens. They Baptist church my nephew use to stay at was only $90/week. An in-home place my friend uses is only $400/month, sometimes you can find them cheaper but I wouldn't.
Even the YMCA isn't bad for anyone that has multiple kids and some daycare centers are really not that bad either, maybe $100-150/week.

You CAN find in-home day cares here that charge $150 a week, but hell if I'd ever let my kid set foot in one of those places. I went to one once to apply for a job...I wouldn't let my kid go to a playdate in some of those houses, let alone daily care.

Dak, is the daycare comparable to the cost of living, though? How does monthly day care expense compare to rent of a 2 bedroom apartment?

Have you looked at the YMCA?

The Y here only has preschool age + care, no infant/toddler care.

Oh wow, that sucks--ours is 6 weeks to kindergarten age...