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  #1231  
Old 02-18-2013, 09:31 AM
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I'm in panic mode about money right now. I'm about to be kicked from my parents so I'm going to have to find a way to make rent somewhere... All while saving up for baby stuff and lawyer bills if I even want to have my child because Josh is going to fight me for custody. This is getting so stressful.
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  #1232  
Old 02-18-2013, 10:16 AM
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Will probably do a "life update" thread today or tomorrow sometime. Really need the advice and support. I'm not sure how I'm going to do this.
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  #1233  
Old 02-18-2013, 10:38 AM
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Money is ALWAYS stressful when you have a kid, even if you're "prepared". It's even worse if you're not. Thankfully, there is A LOT of help available for parents in need.

I don't even need public health insurance, and hopefully won't need WIC, but I qualify for both of them. There are also ways to get mostly everything you need for a baby - clothes, furniture items, etc. for very little money.

And, if you can't afford a lawyer, you can get have one provided. They generally aren't as good as a lawyer you need to pay, but they help a lot. Plus...Josh has a criminal record, which I don't think looks very good to Family Court. You might end up sharing custody, but I doubt he'll be able to "take your child away" if you're a functioning, healthy parent. Family Courts usually still side with the mother, even though they aren't supposed to.
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  #1234  
Old 02-18-2013, 10:53 AM
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Sharing custody is what I don't want. No way.

And yeah, I'm okay for the most part on the initial costs... My family is going to buy most of the big things like crib and carseat and stroller and other such things.

But afterwards on diapers? Monthly costs? I'm panicking about that. And rent. I can't live here much longer and I don't know HOW I am going to find a place of my own.
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  #1235  
Old 02-18-2013, 11:05 AM
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Well, cloth diapering will be a lot cheaper, but majorly difficult if you don't have your own washer/dryer. And if you can't breastfeed, you can get WIC.

You'll probably have to cut lots of costs, like cell phone, internet at home, any kind of television, eating out ever, etc. But you'll find a way to manage.

Why don't you want to share custody, out of curiosity? If you have a really good reason - like Josh being abusive or living in an unsafe environment, you'll just need to prove that. If you just don't want to share your kid or are angry at him for what he did to you....you're gonna have to suck it up and accept that it's part of being a single parent.
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  #1236  
Old 02-18-2013, 11:10 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by milos_mommy View Post
And if you can't breastfeed, you can get WIC.


Why don't you want to share custody, out of curiosity? If you have a really good reason - like Josh being abusive or living in an unsafe environment, you'll just need to prove that. If you just don't want to share your kid or are angry at him for what he did to you....you're gonna have to suck it up and accept that it's part of being a single parent.
Second part, I was typing up the same thing just a bit ago....is it really worth fighting the father for custody?

First part, you can get WIC if you breastfeed


WIC mothers choosing to breastfeed are provided information through counseling and breastfeeding educational materials.

Breastfeeding mothers receive follow-up support through peer counselors.

Breastfeeding mothers are eligible to participate in WIC longer than non-breastfeeding mothers.

Mothers who exclusively breastfeed their infants receive an enhanced food package.

Breastfeeding mothers can receive breast pumps, breast shells or nursing supplementers to help support the initiation and continuation of breastfeeding.
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Old 02-18-2013, 11:19 AM
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Yup - I meant if you're not breastfeeding, to help off-set the costs of formula - but either way YOU can get food through WIC and they have all those other services GreenMagick listed...

And you don't have to be "poor" or "on welfare" to get it. People well past the income brackets for poverty and low-income quality, and lots of people who are able to afford to feed themselves and their children without problems still use it for all the other services, nutrition counseling, etc.
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  #1238  
Old 02-18-2013, 12:50 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Greenmagick View Post
Second part, I was typing up the same thing just a bit ago....is it really worth fighting the father for custody?
Considering all the criminal crap her pulled endangering her and the baby...

If you're not married you don't have to put him on the birth certificate. You won't get child support from him that way, but if he's really so rotten then do you want him in your child's life anyway. I'd talk to an attorney about it. In some states the mother isn't required to and can't be forced to have a paternity test done if she doesn't want one. If you have to move out anyway, it might be worth moving to a state where that is the case if he's a big enough problem/danger. If he's been abusive or ever threatened you (especially if you have a text or e-mail with the threat) I'd get a protection order against him too.
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Old 02-18-2013, 08:44 PM
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I would like to breastfeed, but as much as I am going to be gone from the home.. Working and school, I don't see it as being an option. But I'm going to try.

Food is covered, for the most part. With WIC and food stamps, I'm not entirely worried about the food aspect of it all. I know how to stretch $20 to two weeks for myself, I'm sure I can budget for a baby as well. I've always been pretty good at eating healthy and cheap, too. No cans of spaghettios or ramen for us, if I can really help it.

My biggest concern right now is paying rent and getting out of my parents house. They're going to kick me out soon anyways... So I need to find out how I'm going to manage that. I'm currently waiting on financial aid through my school... And I said I lived off campus and not with parents when I did the FAFSA.. So maybe they will award me some rent money? Hell, if they paid even half of prospective rent... I could do it and I'd be out of here in a heartbeat. There's some apartments here in town without a weight limit on dogs that I could take Malyk with me... Two bedroom for $740 a month and they're really nice. I think I could swing that if I could just get a little shove in the right direction, you know? I don't need a lot of help... Just a little. I wouldn't be opposed to working two jobs and going to school... But I think my doctor might be. He's already been fussing at me enough due to weight loss and over exertion... I'm just trying so hard to set up a life for my child the right way and I feel like I'm running out of time. If Josh and I were still together... None of this would be a problem. But I am having to hoof it on my own, and it is.

I won't lie. I do, of course, harbor loads of resentment and anger towards Josh. But that's not why I don't want joint. I DO want him in Ryland's life, don't get me wrong. Definitely want him there. Just not "half the time" and I certainly don't want him being able to make decisions when it comes to Ryland's welfare. He's already made it clear that Ryland's well being is not at the top of his priority list... So why would I want to share decisions with a man like that when it comes to the most precious thing to me.. My son? I don't want to do it and if I can help it, I will be the only person able to control what happens with Ryland.. Since I seem to be the only person who cares about him. Josh didn't try to build a family for him. I understand if he fell out of love, fine, but he didn't try. He had another path to go to, another woman to run off with, and he did not at least make an attempt at fixing a family unit for our son.. Which would have been in his best interests. Ryland will now never have a chance at a whole family unit because his father felt another female was more important than that. I will be able to say that *I* tried... Would STILL try... But Josh won't be able to claim the same. He has never had Ryland in mind, with any of this.

He committed two major felonies a month after we knew about the pregnancy. Ryland was not in his mind then.
He saw another female behind my back and left me in our apartment without food or money to basically rot. He wasn't thinking about the stress that was causing me. He wasn't thinking about Ryland then.
He hasn't tried to help me buy healthier food while I am here at home (my parents eat straight take out all the time and I am getting sick from it) under the claim that he has no money to help me, while he has been buying diamond necklaces and shoes for his new girlfriend. He wasn't thinking about Ryland then.
He skipped out on the ANATOMY SCAN we had on the 13th... To, you guessed it, spend the day with his girlfriend. He told me he had work and couldn't make it and I drive by his job on the way to the doctors... His vehicle was not there so I called him. He stumbled over himself and tried to lie out of it.. Before I finally caught him red handed because his new girlfriend doesn't know how to keep things off of Facebook. One of the most important and detailed appointments of the pregnancy, and he ducked out on it for a girl he blows tons of gas money to see daily anyways. He wasn't thinking about Ryland then.

So even past all the anger I harbor towards him, I do feel a lot of my reasoning for not wanting Josh influencing my son to be pretty solid. But as an insider, I can't be sure. What do you guys think? He is also living with his parents... Another can of worms I don't want to get into detail with, but lets just say his Dad is a preacher at a cult-like church, his older brother is 34, unemployed, and living at home for the sixth time, his little sister lies about being raped and sleeps around... So you can see paternal grandma and grandpa aren't really the best child-raisers, either.

*shrug*

And holy long post.

EDIT: in my state I have to pursue him for child support, which means putting his name on the certificate, or I lose state aid. My Medicaid and my financial aid would both be pulled from me if I chose not to pursue him for support. At least that's what my lawyer told me. I'm just worried about how much power recognizing him on the certificate will give him... But I need the aid and so does Ryland, so I'm sure we can make it work.

Josh was also physically "rough" (I wouldn't say abusive) with me during our relationship. This is a card is rather not pull on him, but I may have to. Aside from physical, he was always very manipulative and mentally and emotionally degrading. I've since come to realize that he may be a sociopath with a personality disorder, who knows.
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"Only when the last tree is cut, only when the last river is polluted, only when the last fish is caught, will they realize that you can’t eat money." –Native American proverb
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  #1240  
Old 02-18-2013, 10:17 PM
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Document EVERYTHING. Take screen shots of that stuff on facebook. Keep a journal. Every missed prenatal appointment thingy. Every time he skips out on helping financially with pregnancy related things. And if he was abusive (emotional abuse is huge, don't dismiss it), don't be afraid to make him own that. This is to protect you and your child. If he ever threatened you in a voice mail, make a backup recording of that. If he ever sent you threatening or abusive e-mails, e-mails making excuses for not providing support as the father, make copies of those. Print them out AND save them in your e-mail. Accounts get hacked, stuff gets lost. You don't want to mess around.

Every time you have to talk to him on the phone, write down the time and what was discussed.

A journal like that is like a goldmine to a judge in a custody case.

Oh man that is crap about them forcing you to put a dad. Our state has a waiver you can sign if there is domestic violence and you're afraid that pursuing child support payments will trigger some kind of retaliation.
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