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Old 10-17-2012, 07:44 PM
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*blackrose *blackrose is offline
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Default Need some emotional advice

I've come to a realization today and I'm not happy about it. Don't know if it is normal or not, but either way it isn't making things fun for me so I was wondering if anyone had any advice to cope with it, or make it better.

I have been dating my boyfriend for just over a year now. No problems there, everything is great. However, I think I might be too attached, if that makes any sense whatsoever.

We aren't currently living together. When I still lived at home, I was at his place at least every other day, if not for multiple days in a row. Now that I have my own apartment I'm still over at his place every other day, or every two days, and I often spend all weekend with him. That's when we both aren't working (typically) and have time to actually spend with each other besides just a few hours before going to sleep.
For some time now I've felt disquieted when I'm at my apartment for more than just a night. When I'm there all day without anything to do (like if I have a day off), I am just antsy the entire day. This evening when I was leaving Mike's apartment to go have dinner with my family, I actually started to feel depressed. It kind of shocked me, actually, but I legitimately felt depressed about leaving, especially knowing I wouldn't be able to be back until Friday evening. Not to the point I was in tears or anything, but it just put me in a horrible mood.
It's not just being around my boyfriend - he can be gone and if I'm at his place with the dogs, I'm perfectly content. Happy, don't feel anxious, no random bad moods, etc., etc.

A.) Is this normal? This is the first serious relationship (aka, wedding bells in the future) I've ever been in, so new ground for me.

I know part of the reason is I have nothing at my apartment that I'm attached to. I have my material things, but he and the dogs are all at his place. Dameon (and the rats) are the only things that give me emotional connection to my place. When I come home from work and I walk into an empty house...its just depressing. I don't know what I'm going to do when Dameon passes on, because he is who keeps me company. And when he is in one of his bad spells I feel even worse.

B.) What the heck can I do about it? Besides telling myself to grow up and get over it? (Which works sometimes, but not always.) I try to stay busy (between work and school and I'm gone around 12 hours a day, so my down time is limited), but when I do have downtime I almost always end up in a bad mood.

C.) Is this something my birth control could be effecting? I talked with one of my friends and she was on the same birth control (Sprintec) and she said it caused her to become seriously depressed. So much so that she had to switch off before she did something stupid. I'm not near that bad, and I've been on it for around six months now, I think, so I would have assumed it would have caused issues before hand as opposed to now.

Thoughts? Advice?
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Old 10-17-2012, 07:57 PM
Fran27 Fran27 is offline
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When did you start feeling this way? if it's recent I don't think it would be the pill.

But honestly, I think it's pretty normal. Although it's been so long I can't really remember how I felt at the time, but if you spent a lot of time with him before moving to your apartment, that would explain it. And even at home, you had your family. My ex's cousin got majorly depressed after he got his own apartment, and he didn't have a girlfriend at the time... He just hated coming home to an empty apartment. Ended having suicidal tendencies and have to move back home.

So, it might not really have anything to do with your relationship... it's just a big change from living with your parents to living on your own. At first it's awesome... then it can suck. I don't really have much advice though, except maybe go out with friends when you're not with him, or go see your family etc...
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Old 10-17-2012, 08:03 PM
Kilter Kilter is offline
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How attached at the hip are you with your BF? Is he the only one you hang with or do you have other friends and a life outside of him? I think if you have a life outside of him and so on, can go do things without him and you and him are happy with that, then that's a pretty healthy sign.

As for your place, decorate, do some things to make it yours. Doesn't mean spend a ton, you can move things around, freecycle for items and so on. Make it your place with your touch.

Can totally be the pill! I was on the ring and stopped because of the moods and the need to self medicate with chocolate as a result. Not a healthy thing! If you google the name and depression and read up on lots of others, it's time to look at an alternative.
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Old 10-17-2012, 08:28 PM
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sparks19 sparks19 is offline
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I don't know. This is how I always felt with hubby when we had to live apart.

I am NOT meant to live alone. I nee to e with family or something. Coming home to an empty apartment was the worst. So it could be that you have the same issue.

I would say if you guys have a good relationship and you aren't worried about "scaring him away" then talk to him about it.

For me, coming home to OUR home alone is fine. I know hubby is coming home later and it is all good but when I was up in canada for a month without him (taking care of paperwork stuff) it was horrible. I cracked week 2 and totally broke down. I was ridiculously inhappy without him to sit next to each day. He is my best friend. Yeah I have friends and a social life but I don't have near as much fun with anyone else doing anything else as I do with him. So it is tough for me to have periods of time where we don't see each other and I don't feel there is anything wrong with that. So as far as I am concerned your feeligs are totally normal
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Old 10-17-2012, 09:21 PM
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I keep a journal that I write in every so often (typically whenever I'm having extreme moods one way or the other lol) and looking back on it, it seems like I first started beginning to feel this way beginning of last month, but it has been these past two weeks that I've really noticed it. I'm not sad (as in crying), I'm definitely not having suicidal thoughts, I'm just in a constant state of...unhappiness, if that makes sense. Unrest.

I really think a lot of it is being on my own. When I was with my family this evening, I was just fine. As soon as I left, though, I started feeling discomforted again. I really think a lot of it is that everything my heart is really connected to is not here. The only "heart" animal I have with me is Dameon, and he's declining so I have to be really watchful of him.
But if you asked me if I wanted to move back home, I'd say Hell No. Lol I enjoy my freedom ando independence...just not so much the aloneness.

I did feel a lot better after I hung up my pictures and finally got a piano. My apartment feels much more like mine now and I love being here for a few hours at a time...but its still empty, and I think that gets to me after awhile.

BF and I *are* pretty attached at the hip. Not in the sense that we do things together all the time 24/7 and have to be constantly near one another, but his best friend just moved out of town and my two close friends also just recently moved away. And since neither one of us is the type to just go out on the town and hang out with complete strangers, a lot of our social life involves each other. It also doesn't help that our schedules are so insane that when we finally get down time, that's the brief few hours we have to actually be with each other and relax.

Good to know I'm not entirely abnormal. Lol
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~*~ DOB 1/28/2006 ~*~ DOB 4/11/13 ~*~

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