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Old 10-11-2012, 11:46 PM
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Default Adopting children

Out of curiosity- anyone adopted a child, or know someone who did?

It's interested me as of late. NO plans to have kids ANYTIME soon... lol. Don't even have a boyfriend, so yeah. This is way off. Not even 100% if I want kids at this point. We'll see if I meet the right person.

But it's intrigued me a lot lately. Working at a daycare, I've met a few kids who were adopted and really clicked with them. I love watching them learn, and adapt, and the parents seem so full of love.

I just think it would be a very neat process and be a great way to raise a child, and give them a life they couldn't have had otherwise. Not to mention, the whole idea of actually being pregnant and giving birth gives me the heebie geebies. I also am set on having a boy and well.. it'd be nice to control that

But if I ever had a husband who was on the same boat as me, I think it would be something I'd be very interested in in the far far FAR future.

What is the process? Is it easier to adopt from certain countries rather than others? I hear China is extremely strict (cannot be overweight, no homosexual marriages, over and under a certain age, etc). But I'm sure it can't be like that everywhere. And that it's a somewhat expensive endeavor.
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Old 10-11-2012, 11:56 PM
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i was adopted. so i ALWAYS KNEW i was wanted by my parents.
personally i'd like to see something established to help place orphans from afghanistan & iraq w/ families in 1st & 2nd world countries.
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Old 10-12-2012, 12:17 AM
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We, at this point in my family, probably have more adopted children than genetic children lol
I have about 8 internationally adopted cousins. We like to joke that we are trying to collect them all but here goes..

We've got...
- Russia
- Haiti (2)
- Dominican Republic
- Ukraine
-The Phillippines
- Korea
- Kazakhstan

Ok so first off, you are looking at different requirements, some are stricter than others (married, single, income, weight, healthy etc.. etc..)
other than that, you are looking at in-country stays (for example, the stay for adopting from Phil. is only 1 week. The stay for Kaz. is very long, at about 5 weeks.. my cousin stayed for about 8.

Other odd little things.. For Korea, you and your spouse can't be older than 35. Can't be obese etc.. but it is considered to be the easiest/smoothest country to deal adoption wise.
BUT.. big but here.. regardless, it's a tough process. One that require patience. And when going back to adopt child #2.. I heard that they might be no longer allowing gender selection (girls are more popular adoption wise from the states)

You are also looking at cost. It sucks to think about, it sucks to even put a price on.. but it is what it is. It depends on the country, and in many cases, the child. Some children are written off as "special needs" for things like being cross eyed, very small etc.. and things that are easily fixed in more well developed countries. the wait for "special needs" children is much shorter.

You are also looking at various places where children are kept.
For example, in Haiti..you are looking at bare minimum orphanage conditions (babies with flat heads from being on beds too long.. sick babies. etc.. aren't uncommon)
In Korea, instead of orphanages, in many cases, it's more of a foster mom system, which is where our oldest and first adopted girl came from. Her adoption was very quick and she adapted much faster.

Waiting lists.
China has about a 4 year waiting list. Keep that in mind. BUT they are the best to deal with if you are open to special needs kids.
Haiti's waiting list used to be very short.. but the earthquake halted all adoptions and things are just starting to pick up.
..as for waits in my experience, our boy from Russia I believe took the longest. But, he was a baby, a boy, and a healthy butterball of blond hair and blue eyes.

YOU HAVE TO BE VERY VERY CAREFUL with agencies regardless of country you select. You will need a great one. Corruption is common. Find one with great references and parents to back it up.

-Besides the process.. I would also take a look at your family and how this kid will blend in.
As it is, there are so many different cultures in my huge frikin family that at this point, it's a non-issue. Other than the adopted kids, we are also just huge in general and open and loving to just about everyone. But I have seen cases of adopted kids, sadly, getting the cold shoulder from relatives. Which is heart breaking.

-Keeping their native languages or names. It's a very personal choice. All the kids that came as infants got a name change, all old enough to speak kept their names. All native languages/traditions are kept up around here as much as possible, they are given the choice to learn, we learn lullabies/games from their country, and keep an adoption book of everything for them to look at when they are older.

- Age. Both Haiti adoptions were older (7 and 11), all others were toddlers, except our little boy from Russia and little girl from Korea, who were little babies. All blended in beautifully lol it's a lot but I mean.. it's a loving home. Especially the little ones, they don't remember anything else. The toddlers were my favorites because they are fun almost immediately lol

There is some catch up as far as school systems, social norms, environments and things like that of course, not to mention language.. but kids are little sponges.

-Your child, very likely, won't look like you. This is a problem that we run into CONSTANTLY. People assume I'm the nanny when I take them out. This is something they have grown into, and especially the older ones, accept with grace and sometimes humor.
My little cousin from Korea loves to make people uncomfortable with things like "This is my cousin.. don't we look alike?" ..people are usually like O.o.. "err..yes.."

- "Real child" ..People will call your children unreal like they are unicorns. Politely correct. I always do. Most people don't mean any harm.

- Meeting parents. With many international adoptions, this isn't possible. but it's something you might want to think about..if the opportunity arrises, how would you feel? Think about medical histories, questions etc..


Now back on track with the process.

Is it expensive? Yes. Very much so. The agencies, going to the country, the fees..it's quite the financial upheaval.

Is it worth it? Lol I guess you can tell from how I talk about my little mottley crew of cousins.. but it certainly is.
Some came from better situations than others, but either way, they are kids who had nothing. They miss out, many times.. on proper food, attention, love, education..so much. and it's so nice to bring them here and see them through all that.

I wouldn't say this is an adopted kid thing.. but all my little cousins are amazing in their own way lol but maybe I'm biased.

It's also very easy to over-romanticize adoption.. like they are these grateful little souls who just know the goodness and the hardship you went through to get them lol
Erm.. perhaps the older Haitian girls a bit.
but the babies/toddlers? HA.
Brats.
all of em.
lol kidding. but still, just because they are adopted doesn't mean they are angelic or naturally so thankful for everything. THEY ARE KIDS. Of course they are thankful, they know through us where they came from, but yea, they are sometimes funny, loud, boisterous little terrors who have no appreciation for their parents (..same with any kid really lol)
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Old 10-12-2012, 12:19 AM
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My little sister was adopted. It's a wonderful and very rewarding process that when done right, can be amazing.

However, sometimes things can go horribly awry. My brothers little sister was adopted, and she didn't handle it so well. She has A LOT of issues because of it.

That can happen in both birth and adoptive children, though.
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Old 10-12-2012, 12:20 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pops2 View Post
i was adopted. so i ALWAYS KNEW i was wanted by my parents.
personally i'd like to see something established to help place orphans from afghanistan & iraq w/ families in 1st & 2nd world countries.
Wow, that must be the best feeling in the world....

And yes I agree on the that!
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  #6  
Old 10-12-2012, 12:22 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fran101 View Post
We, at this point in my family, probably have more adopted children than genetic children lol
I have about 8 internationally adopted cousins. We like to joke that we are trying to collect them all but here goes..

We've got...
- Russia
- Haiti (2)
- Dominican Republic
- Ukraine
-The Phillippines
- Korea
- Kazakhstan

Ok so first off, you are looking at different requirements, some are stricter than others (married, single, income, weight, healthy etc.. etc..)
other than that, you are looking at in-country stays (for example, the stay for adopting from Phil. is only 1 week. The stay for Kaz. is very long, at about 5 weeks.. my cousin stayed for about 8.

Other odd little things.. For Korea, you and your spouse can't be older than 35. Can't be obese etc.. but it is considered to be the easiest/smoothest country to deal adoption wise.
BUT.. big but here.. regardless, it's a tough process. One that require patience. And when going back to adopt child #2.. I heard that they might be no longer allowing gender selection (girls are more popular adoption wise from the states)

You are also looking at cost. It sucks to think about, it sucks to even put a price on.. but it is what it is. It depends on the country, and in many cases, the child. Some children are written off as "special needs" for things like being cross eyed, very small etc.. and things that are easily fixed in more well developed countries. the wait for "special needs" children is much shorter.

You are also looking at various places where children are kept.
For example, in Haiti..you are looking at bare minimum orphanage conditions (babies with flat heads from being on beds too long.. sick babies. etc.. aren't uncommon)
In Korea, instead of orphanages, in many cases, it's more of a foster mom system, which is where our oldest and first adopted girl came from. Her adoption was very quick and she adapted much faster.

Waiting lists.
China has about a 4 year waiting list. Keep that in mind. BUT they are the best to deal with if you are open to special needs kids.
Haiti's waiting list used to be very short.. but the earthquake halted all adoptions and things are just starting to pick up.
..as for waits in my experience, our boy from Russia I believe took the longest. But, he was a baby, a boy, and a healthy butterball of blond hair and blue eyes.

YOU HAVE TO BE VERY VERY CAREFUL with agencies regardless of country you select. You will need a great one. Corruption is common. Find one with great references and parents to back it up.

-Besides the process.. I would also take a look at your family and how this kid will blend in.
As it is, there are so many different cultures in my huge frikin family that at this point, it's a non-issue. Other than the adopted kids, we are also just huge in general and open and loving to just about everyone. But I have seen cases of adopted kids, sadly, getting the cold shoulder from relatives. Which is heart breaking.

-Keeping their native languages or names. It's a very personal choice. All the kids that came as infants got a name change, all old enough to speak kept their names. All native languages/traditions are kept up around here as much as possible, they are given the choice to learn, we learn lullabies/games from their country, and keep an adoption book of everything for them to look at when they are older.

- Age. Both Haiti adoptions were older (7 and 11), all others were toddlers, except our little boy from Russia and little girl from Korea, who were little babies. All blended in beautifully lol it's a lot but I mean.. it's a loving home. Especially the little ones, they don't remember anything else. The toddlers were my favorites because they are fun almost immediately lol

There is some catch up as far as school systems, social norms, environments and things like that of course, not to mention language.. but kids are little sponges.

-Your child, very likely, won't look like you. This is a problem that we run into CONSTANTLY. People assume I'm the nanny when I take them out. This is something they have grown into, and especially the older ones, accept with grace and sometimes humor.
My little cousin from Korea loves to make people uncomfortable with things like "This is my cousin.. don't we look alike?" ..people are usually like O.o.. "err..yes.."

- "Real child" ..People will call your children unreal like they are unicorns. Politely correct. I always do. Most people don't mean any harm.

- Meeting parents. With many international adoptions, this isn't possible. but it's something you might want to think about..if the opportunity arrises, how would you feel? Think about medical histories, questions etc..


Now back on track with the process.

Is it expensive? Yes. Very much so. The agencies, going to the country, the fees..it's quite the financial upheaval.

Is it worth it? Lol I guess you can tell from how I talk about my little mottley crew of cousins.. but it certainly is.
Some came from better situations than others, but either way, they are kids who had nothing. They miss out, many times.. on proper food, attention, love, education..so much. and it's so nice to bring them here and see them through all that.
Wow... so awesome. See, that's exactly what I didn't know anything about!

How cool is that?!?! I love a huge mixed family!!

My family would have no issues accepting a child. We are very open to that kind of stuff, so I definitely know the kid would be very much loved and fit in.

Thanks for all the info, very interesting!
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  #7  
Old 10-12-2012, 01:09 AM
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My brother and his wife are foster parents for the state. They take care of babies and toddlers. Their last foster was a poor little guy that was taken from his mom at birth (crack baby)

The parents signed off on parental rights so they had first dibs on adopting him, but decided to pass because his wife is 5 months pregnant with their first baby and she was kind of overwhelmed since babies born addicted to hard drugs are very sickly and difficult. There's a waiting list though, and someone's in the process of adopting him right now. If you're interested, foster care with the option to adopt if blood relatives decide to relinquish their rights is always an option. I think it's probably one of the less expensive ways to adopt too. I'll have to ask them how it would have worked out if they decided to adopt. In our state you get training and a monthly stipend to help care for the child while they are being fostered.
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Old 10-12-2012, 02:37 AM
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I'm on the other side of the fence. I place children with families for adoption.

There is an awful lot to consider when placing a child. When I get a moment I'll try and add a few bits. But when adoptions work they're wonderful, but when they breakdown they're heartbreaking.

Also, China is very strict unless the child is "disabled". My brother and sister in law live there, and my sister in law volunteers in a Chinese orphanage. I might add that though, that workers will list all kinds of things as a disability so the kids get adopted more quickly (eg, hare lip). Most of the children in orphanages in China do have a disability, and are from poor farming families.
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Old 10-12-2012, 07:15 AM
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I adopted my kids domestically.

The process to adopt international changes all the time honestly, a lot of countries are really strict now, so most people adopt in the US... after that it depends if you want to do domestic infant adoption or adopt from foster care (which is really not always easy, but it's free, while adopting a baby through an agency costs a lot of money).

I think China is going on 5 years wait now The cost is really crazy too... $40,000 isn't uncommon for a lot of international adoptions (I think $25,000 is the average for domestic but it varies a lot).

Fran your family sounds awesome!
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Old 10-12-2012, 08:25 AM
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Adoption is something we have been considering strongly for the past while. If we add another child to this house we are hoping it's through adoption. We'd like to adopt a slightly older child (like in the 3-5 year old or so age range) but I've also heard that if you have a biological child it can make it really difficult to get approved for adoption.

A family at one of our homeschool co ops has 5 internationally adopted children and another lady a the other co op is in the process of bringing home a daughter from the Ukraine. I'd like to try and adopt within the US. there is a wonderful local agency that does amazing work with families and fostering and adoption and fostering to adoption.
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