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  #81  
Old 10-04-2012, 01:11 AM
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We were church mouse poor as when I was a kid. I mean really poor... powdered milk poor. There were Christmas days where we know those gifts came from grandparents and the church. We went to school in hand me downs and sometimes gifts came from garage sales but I don't remember being judged for being poor with four kids. These days my parents are considered upper class and while we were poor they worked god **** hard for everything they wanted - including us.

There is much about this thread that bothers me.
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  #82  
Old 10-04-2012, 01:12 AM
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^What, exactly? Please elaborate.
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  #83  
Old 10-04-2012, 01:36 AM
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Originally Posted by Barbara! View Post
^What, exactly? Please elaborate.
Because as long as basic needs and emotional support is being provided it's really no one's business if the kid get's a birthday present. Some kids don't get birthday presents at all - EVER. It doesn't mean their parents love them less or are incapable of being good parents. Babies in case no one knows this are crazy expensive and can be even crazier expensive at the drop of a hat. Twins... ugh... talk about spendy.

I guess what bothers me is the high horse judgement of the entire thing. There was a time when we really knew what poverty truly was and it didn't involve birthday gifts not being purchased being the bar for who was having too many kids and who wasn't.
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  #84  
Old 10-04-2012, 01:38 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kat09Tails View Post
Because as long as basic needs and emotional support is being provided it's really no one's business if the kid get's a birthday present. Some kids don't get birthday presents at all - EVER. It doesn't mean their parents love them less or are incapable of being good parents. Babies in case no one knows this are crazy expensive and can be even crazier expensive at the drop of a hat. Twins... ugh... talk about spendy.

I guess what bothers me is the high horse judgement of the entire thing. There was a time when we really knew what poverty truly was and it didn't involve birthday gifts not being purchased being the bar for who was having too many kids and who wasn't.
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  #85  
Old 10-04-2012, 03:41 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kat09Tails View Post
Because as long as basic needs and emotional support is being provided it's really no one's business if the kid get's a birthday present. Some kids don't get birthday presents at all - EVER. It doesn't mean their parents love them less or are incapable of being good parents. Babies in case no one knows this are crazy expensive and can be even crazier expensive at the drop of a hat. Twins... ugh... talk about spendy.

I guess what bothers me is the high horse judgement of the entire thing. There was a time when we really knew what poverty truly was and it didn't involve birthday gifts not being purchased being the bar for who was having too many kids and who wasn't.
Very well said.
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  #86  
Old 10-04-2012, 07:26 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kat09Tails View Post
Because as long as basic needs and emotional support is being provided it's really no one's business if the kid get's a birthday present. Some kids don't get birthday presents at all - EVER. It doesn't mean their parents love them less or are incapable of being good parents. Babies in case no one knows this are crazy expensive and can be even crazier expensive at the drop of a hat. Twins... ugh... talk about spendy.

I guess what bothers me is the high horse judgement of the entire thing. There was a time when we really knew what poverty truly was and it didn't involve birthday gifts not being purchased being the bar for who was having too many kids and who wasn't.
I agree to an extend. I just don't understand why people keep having kids when they already can't really provide for their existing ones. It just baffles me. Sorry. I'm not judging their parenting skills at all. I just look at my kids and think of things I wouldn't be able to do if we got another kid, and I just can't imagine doing that (and we're doing fine financially).

I can understand parents who think it's more important to give their single child a brother or sister than birthday presents... that I totally get. But when they already have 3 kids, I don't. I find it selfish. You know you're in a bad situation and you can't get your kids presents, yet you still decide to make it worse. And yes they probably can't always afford birth control either but in this case, sorry, you're careful.

Oh and I find nothing wrong with used toys and clothes either..
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  #87  
Old 10-04-2012, 07:39 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fran27 View Post
I just don't understand why people keep having kids when they already can't really provide for their existing ones.
Not getting birthday presents isn't "not providing for" their kids. Seriously.
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Old 10-04-2012, 08:02 AM
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I see this kind of thing at work ALL the time. It amazes me how many 20 year old girls have 5 kids, no job, and half the time no man that sticks around. They don't care, the more kids they have, the more food stamps they get and the more free hand outs they qualify for.

I'm not saying everyone is like that.... but more often than not, they are. And then they expect you to hand them all kinds of free stuff like bottles, diapers, wipes, car seats, clothes...etc
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  #89  
Old 10-04-2012, 08:04 AM
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People who are having trouble buying basics or can't buy basics on their own should not TRY to add expenses.....and a baby is a large expense.

Basics:
Food
Shelter
utilities
Clothing
Health Insurance
School expenses----as in text book rental (I think my youngest son's rental was 155.00 this year) yearly supplies, and the ability to buy/pack a lunch for the child

I feel that a car w/insurance is also pretty basic in this day......it's difficult AT BEST to get by without one, and honestly, pretty impossible for the most part.

Do I think birthday/Christmas gifts are basics? No, though it would break my heart if I couldn't provide them for my kids........and I sure as heck wouldn't add MORE kids to the family if we were in that state. That's a personal choice I guess as long as YOU are paying your own way.
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  #90  
Old 10-04-2012, 08:13 AM
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there are so many variables that can come into play in these kinds of situations. I try not to judge anyone because I have not walked in their shoes. They may have fallen on hard times.

However, it's the people that brag about getting more food stamps and assistance if they pop out more kids. The ones that have expensive manicures and hair styles... the ones that have the most current smart phones and smoke 2 packs of cigarettes a day. And they have the nerve to complain they can't afford formula for a baby that was conceived 9 months prior. I can't tell you how many times I see a woman come in and have her 5th or maybe 6th child and turns out she doesn't have custody of any of her other children.... but she continues to keep getting pregnant. Things like that frustrate me. I never think badly about people having multiple kids when they are able to provide the basic necessities for them While cable, fancy clothes, birthday presents, etc... are all nice things to have, they are not a necessity to be considered good parents. I think the relationship parents have with their children and the care they provide for them are what really matters.

I really wish some of these young girls in this area could understand that.
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