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Old 09-27-2012, 02:28 AM
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Question Relationship problems... Again :(

Right now my fiancée is being difficult :/. I don't know if it was something I said but last night he calls me & asks what time I was coming tomorrow (which was today but it fell through... We were supposed to go to an interview for a joint job but the lady had something up so it's been pushed to tomorrow) I mentioned that I might have to come home because I looked at the wrong day on the calendar (friday I have to be back here because my folks have to stay at my grandmothers condo over night on Friday).

Well long story make it short, he went off saying that I wasn't trying in the relationship & 'if this was the way it was going to be' then just tell him now, I was speechless... I was like WTF??? Now he won't really talk to me & when he calls hes all distant & I don't know what to do... I tried telling him I made a mistake & looked at the calender wrong but he won't listen. I mean i feel like I'm trying the best I can.

Well he says that I never want to be intimate anymore & that I have been pushing him away & crap, & I know I have & he wants me to live there full time aT the track but I can't because I have animals that I have to take care of & I can't ask my parents to care for them too, I'm just so shocked, I'm sorry he feels that way he says that he has been for a while & I didn't know, I can't read ppl's minds.

I convinced him since I am going to interview for a job tomorrow that he's going to help me with, I'm so shocked that I don't know how to feel right now, I know I should be sad but I don't know how to feel right now I'm sure it will hit me soon :'(.

Sorry... Just needed to vent, it always sucks when a relationship goes south.
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Old 09-27-2012, 02:30 AM
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You can't take your animals with you to live with him?
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Old 09-27-2012, 02:35 AM
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No, they dont allow animals of any kind where he lives, besides thr housing there is only for thr people who have a job at thr place he works, if you aren't employed with anyone you aren't supposed to be living there & they I force that rule.
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Old 09-27-2012, 02:36 AM
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Then he shouldn't expect you to abandon your animals and live with him. He should meet you halfway and maybe get a different place with you, if y'all are able to do that.
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Old 09-27-2012, 01:29 PM
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Well I'm here with him right now & things are... Well let's say thay're awkward becAuse his mood has a hair trigger where anything I say right now makes him fly off the handle, I know he doesn't like living apart but what can I do? I don't know what else I can do, I have been supportive, he wants to take another job with more money in the same place & I told him it was cool. I never nag him or bitch at him, it seems like everything I do pisses him off.

Then... Another minute he's hugging me asking me if I still love him & crap... So many mixed signals... I don't know what to do.
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Old 09-27-2012, 01:45 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dogdragoness View Post
Well let's say thay're awkward becAuse his mood has a hair trigger where anything I say right now makes him fly off the handle, I know he doesn't like living apart but what can I do?.
This should be addressed ASAP.

Other than that not too much I can add. Not living together can be difficult but you can't expect the other person to give up their responsibilities at the drop of the hat for you. You looked at the wrong day. You are only human and I can see how that might be frustrating to him. But not enough to get that angry over.
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Old 09-27-2012, 02:06 PM
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One word keeps pushing forward in my mind . . . "control."
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Old 09-27-2012, 02:23 PM
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@Renee please explain? Like playing or trying to play on my emotions to control me?

See right now he is being lovey dovey & back to normal, I know he has a lot going on; he has this new job but thr guy he is going to be working for (as a horse rider/assistant trainer) only wants him to do his horses on salary which means that he'll have to tell his two friends... One is an older man not in the best health & the other he has Been helping out for a little pay just to get by, that he can't anymore & he always gets stressed when he has to do things like that.

But he tells me that he has a lot of probs at home but won't tell me what they are, he also says he's been feeling very volatile & aggressive lastly... Don't know why but he also will turn around & say why am I treating him this way & that he is going to use someone else take care of him, he also wants me to right up his apartment when I come.
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Old 09-27-2012, 02:29 PM
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Exactly.

I've watched too many people go through that. It's even been tried on me, and worked to an extent, for awhile. Living on edge like you describe . . . that's no way to live. The key is going to be whether or not he's open to recognizing that he's doing it and is willing to accept responsibility and work on it, whether it's a conscious behavior on his part or he's lashing out without realizing it. Either way it's not healthy, for the relationship or you or him.

It's not easy. (((((HUGS)))))
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In a controversy the instant we feel anger we have already ceased striving for the truth, and have begun striving for ourselves. ~Buddha

Stupid is the most notoriously incurable and contagious disease known to mankind. If you find yourself in close proximity to someone infected with stupid, walk away as soon as said infection is noted.


There are few things more nauseating than pure obedience. ~ Kvothe

***8206;"silence is the language of god, all else is poor translation."
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Old 09-27-2012, 02:46 PM
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It could be stress spilling over into other parts of his life (you). Regardless of the cause, it's important to address it. Things shouldn't be that hard. You aren't married, you don't have kids, a home etc. The big stuff that really causes stress in most marriages isn't even in play yet. Better be able to deal with this stuff before moving on to the next if you want to have a healthy relationship. Doesn't mean it's always butterflies and unicorns, but two people need to work thru these things
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