This is the last post I will make about my friend.

[darkchild16]

((((HUGS)))) we are there right now. One of our good friends died suspiciously last month and we found out today they think he may have done it to himself.

Hopefully she can rest easy now.

[Baxter'smybaby]

I'm so sorry.

[StephyMei1112]

Thank you everyone, it really does mean alot <3 I'm grateful.

Even though I got up at 2 PM today it is starting to feel like the "morning after". I'm still numb as can be; I have a feeling this thing is gonna hit me in waves. She will be cremated on Friday, her place will be looked after tonight. Some of her clothes, shoes, and paper money will be burnt tomorrow morning as a part of a traditional Chinese funeral/mourning custom. I need a white barrette/hairpin too - another custom. I have a overwhelming feeling of just wanting to go as well...but I'm so depleted, I can't think straight anymore...

Plottmom/Katie,

There's nothing to be envious about - it's a hideous situation to be in and everyone handles it differently. My anger, sadness, rage, horror and everything else is still here - I'm just zombie like and numb now...I have no strength left to even cry....but it'll be a long process.... I'm so sorry for your loss too. Hopefully we can see things through.

[thehoundgirl]

I'm so sorry. Hugs to you.

[Romy]

(((megahugs)))

Sometimes it hits in waves. A really good friend of mine was murdered and it felt numb and surreal for months. Take your feelings as they come and ride it out with Katalin. She's there for you. I'm so so sorry this is how things ended up. You're an incredible friend for making sure everything is taken care of where her family isn't stepping up.

[Dakotah]

I am so sorry to read this, though I do not know what happened with your friend as I haven't been on a lot and I haven't read previous threads, but may your friend RIP.
I agree with PlottMom.

(((HUGS))) ***VIBES***

[poodlesmom]

I'm so sorry!

[Laurelin]

I'm so sorry. (((Hugs)))

[StephyMei1112]

Thank you very much everyone. Your kindness, thoughts, and consideration are all very appreciated and mean so much.

She is mourned by very few I'm sad to say. My other friends have been indifferent or scoffed at the news of her passing, her parents were called this morning - they could have cared less it seems; regardless I will save a part of her ashes for them before they are scattered. My own parents were shocked and my dad even sobbed. Well, I loved her, and I will forever more - if others didn't or couldn't it's their loss and it doesn't matter.

I will attend evening prayers tomorrow and Friday at a Buddhist temple. We occasionally attended together and found the teachings soothing and helped to clear our minds. Her family is Buddhist and so are some of mine that I get along with - so it's a kind of "return" to our roots if you like.

I have chanted the Amithaba Sutra and the Heart Sutra for her at home already and will do so again during prayers. Mandarin I've always struggled with - but for some reason...chanting these verses my words just seem to flow...

For everyone else who has lost someone, for those that are on their journey, and for anyone in despair <3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RFGcMYQyZYU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4zB2jBVe6jg

[PlottMom]

Originally Posted by StephyMei1112

Plottmom/Katie,

There's nothing to be envious about - it's a hideous situation to be in and everyone handles it differently. My anger, sadness, rage, horror and everything else is still here - I'm just zombie like and numb now...I have no strength left to even cry....but it'll be a long process.... I'm so sorry for your loss too. Hopefully we can see things through.

I'm especially sorry that more people are not mourning the loss of someone who was obviously a special soul I guess we were all "lucky" in the sense that Jana, however troubled, was so very loved. Lean on your dad, all I can say is that eventually it hurts a little less, and you can look at clothes/music and say "Oh, Emiley would have loved that!" and smile instead of sobbing. Having someone to grieve with definitely helps... my dogs were also extremely helpful, and I don't know if anyone remembers my foster, Goose, but he was originally Jana's foster, so that helped a bit. Take time for yourself... hot tea, a candle, and a journal have been known to help. <3