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  #9581  
Old 10-30-2013, 07:59 PM
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frostfell frostfell is offline
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"ug this candy sucks!"
"well its a good thing you arent paying for it, isnt it?"
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  #9582  
Old 10-30-2013, 08:04 PM
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noludoru noludoru is offline
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New life lesson: static electricity from your blanket can travel into your headphones and shock the **** out of your ear.

It can happen multiple times, and it hurts just as much the second time as it did the first.

No more listening to music and making the bed.
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  #9583  
Old 10-30-2013, 08:14 PM
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yv0nne yv0nne is offline
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Originally Posted by HayleyMarie View Post
So much Huggies going your way yvonne, that does sound so frustrating and heartbreaking. I think you need to be happy and if it ends up he does not want the commitment you want than you would be better off finding somebody who does. I hope for his sake and yours he gets his butt in gear and decides what he wants regardless what it is, because it is not fair to you to be pulled around like that.

To me your situation is like if Tyler all of the sudden decided he did not want kids. Now, that would be a deal breaker and I would be out of there.

I usually call Tyler my other half, actually I don't remember the last time I actually called him my BF out loud to someone. Technically legally we are common-law husband and wife, and that just does not count. But I cringe when I hear him call me his GF lol.
Yeah, I don't want kidlets but I feel like wanting to be married is very important to me so I'm not sure our priorities line up ..but is a ring& commitment that big of a deal breaker? It's a very strange spot to be in.

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Originally Posted by ihartgonzo View Post
WOW, 10 years? I would feel exactly the same. Have you tried seeing a relationship counselor to figure out the issue? I went to a counselor with my boyfriend and it helped immensely to get an unbiased, outside, professional opinion. You deserve to be happy, and if he can't go out of his comfort zone to make you happy, does he REALLY love you? You have to ask yourself that.
We haven't seen a counsellor, mostly because our actual relationship is good ..and I'm fairly certain he genuinely loves me, I'm just confused as to why he won't take the next step and that makes me angry. It used to be that he didn't want to be married before he lived with someone so I broke MY rule on that& moved in with him. Now, it's that he wants to own land& property first ..and he talks about buying a new motorcycle and various other things that put off marriage indefinitely. He never, however, talks about NOT having me there when he does things. Just we'd still be not married.

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Originally Posted by Beanie View Post
This is a really good idea.
Honestly, it's one thing if he's one of those people who doesn't see marriage as a big deal, it's just a societal construct, it doesn't mean anything, blah blah blah - my friend is one of those. However, his girlfriend wants to get married. She DOESN'T see it that way. And so, because of her, he will probably get married - he told me he intends to marry her. But he also said to me he could happily go his entire life without getting married.
BUT if he straight up says things about not being sure he wants to commit... I mean... you've been together how long at this point... presumably you ARE committed! That would really bother me.
I'm guessing since you say he's not sure about the commitment of it he DOES know you want to get married. Some guys, being guys, actually don't think "Huh, she probably wants to get married." People also tend to assume everybody is like them, so if he doesn't see marriage as a Big Deal he probably thinks other people feel the same way...

I don't know. It's tough, because you don't want to be nagging him about it or throwing out ultimatums or anything. But at the same time, you deserve to be in a relationship that is what you're looking for, and from the sound of it, you want to be in a relationship with somebody who isn't afraid to commit to you... and you want to be married.

It's not like you're a big crazy who's been with him for two weeks and now you're like YOU NEED TO COMMIT. This is years and years. What else could he possibly be waiting for??

No real advice except it sounds like you have a lot of soul-searching to do, and I'm sorry, it's a real crappy spot to be in. =<
This post pretty much sums up my situation EXACTLY. If I bring it up, we both just end up angry because he says I'm giving him ultimatums ..and you know what? **** it. I pretty much am. Marry me or leave but make up your **** mind!! If I knew what he was waiting for, I'd gladly try to point him to look in that direction.

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Originally Posted by joce View Post
I'd see someone myself even if he won't go. If marriage is important to you then this is something you need to work through so you do not feel the way you are. It may mean ending it but there are those ou there who see it how you do.

I was the one that put off getting married for thirteen years. Husband wanted to for years and it makes sense for legal reasons when you have money and property etc together. And I can't imagine not being with him!

Personally giving him 18 months is a lot. I'd go. It may take that for him to decide what he wants to do. If you question his commitment there is reason for a break right there.
And your last paragraph is actually pretty much my feelings most of the time. I'm still here because I love him ..and I want him to change so I figured the timeframe of 'this is the time you have to decide what you want, then it's no longer your decision' was a good way to let him feel like he had options. I also told him I could easily pack up& leave. It's overwhelming to be with someone so long& then suddenly have to have your world turned upside down in a not-pleasant way.

I also think I could live happily sans- boyfriend/ SO. If we broke up, it's not like I'd be banging down doors looking for a husband. I'd just chill with my dog& go on vacations with my girlfriends. I swear I'm not a crazy marriage lady!!
Edit- I'm so sorry I took over the venting thread :/ Feel free to not respond aha
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  #9584  
Old 10-30-2013, 10:38 PM
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Originally Posted by Laurelin View Post
I worked at our company's 'spooktacular' all afternoon. Overall it was great and fun. My friend and I were at a booth handing out candy and lots of friends and their SOs and kids came by. So many cute, sweet, wonderfully behaved kids in adorable (and creative!) costumes.... I had fun but am exhausted. We must have had several hundred kids come through.

But on the other hand, Halloween seems like THE holiday to bring out brattish behavior and COME ON PARENTS. Parent your kids!!! I couldn't BELIEVE some of the stuff I saw kids doing and the parents just standing there and smiling. It's always kids that are way older who don't want to wait their turn/wait for the 2-3 year olds to get their candy. They pretend to ignore us saying take 2 pieces of candy and some ran off with 4-5 HANDFULS. But what can you do? You can't discipline someone else's kid. The parents were standing RIGHT THERE. How about you teach them about sharing, waiting their turn, being fair? How about you discipline him when he shoves his way in front of a toddler to get the last bag of skittles? Is that too much to ask!? How about saying 'thank you' too?

Gah, like I said the majority- the VAST VAST majority of parents and kids were wonderful. The parents were really good about explaining these things, teaching the kids how to be polite, etc... but there's always a good handful that just let their kids run wild.

And like I said, I would never parent someone else's kids but I just cringe.... that would NOT have flown with my parents.
thank you.

I am so glad we live in such a remote place that the only thing we get that are remotely close to trick or treaters are visiting varmints lol ... And that's the way I like it.
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  #9585  
Old 10-30-2013, 10:58 PM
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Originally Posted by Fran101 View Post
He really just DID NOT get it.
Like he was like "I had no idea you just wanted me to comfort you, I would totally do that!"

Ask and ye shall receive.
All of you ladies with gentlemen in your lives like that, you just need to know how blessed you are. Maybe some of you know that already, but you really are and I'm really glad for you.

Stories like that used to make me all bitter and depressed. My ex, despite being repeatedly told the same thing by counselors, despite being repeatedly asked by me for comfort vs. problem solving, almost always chose to do the opposite. Towards the end instead of problem solving, he'd berate me until I cried or shout me down.

"You're stressed out because you let the house get so dirty. You should clean it for once!"

"I'm not going to hold your hand. You're hormonal and that's enabling bad behavior!"

"I know you're not reading your scriptures and praying enough, because if you were you wouldn't be feeling like this. Next time come ask me for a hug after you've taken care of your responsibilities."

"You don't deserve a hug."


So if your partner is awesome, listens to you, and cherishes you, cherish them. I'm never going to have that, which at this point is by choice. Twice burned, I'm never going to risk it happening again. Especially since I have two kids to care for and can't risk their safety.
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  #9586  
Old 10-31-2013, 01:32 AM
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Originally Posted by Romy View Post
All of you ladies with gentlemen in your lives like that, you just need to know how blessed you are. Maybe some of you know that already, but you really are and I'm really glad for you.

Stories like that used to make me all bitter and depressed. My ex, despite being repeatedly told the same thing by counselors, despite being repeatedly asked by me for comfort vs. problem solving, almost always chose to do the opposite. Towards the end instead of problem solving, he'd berate me until I cried or shout me down.

"You're stressed out because you let the house get so dirty. You should clean it for once!"

"I'm not going to hold your hand. You're hormonal and that's enabling bad behavior!"

"I know you're not reading your scriptures and praying enough, because if you were you wouldn't be feeling like this. Next time come ask me for a hug after you've taken care of your responsibilities."

"You don't deserve a hug."


So if your partner is awesome, listens to you, and cherishes you, cherish them. I'm never going to have that, which at this point is by choice. Twice burned, I'm never going to risk it happening again. Especially since I have two kids to care for and can't risk their safety.
Quote:
you don't deserve a hug
That comment made me sad I know that it must sound like I don't love my OH at all and that I don't appreciate him ... Nothing could be further from the truth.

I know it doesn't sound that way but our relationship really is quite good (I refrain from saying perfect, because nothing is perfect) we have our moments but we are happy with each other.
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  #9587  
Old 10-31-2013, 07:51 AM
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Ah, Halloween. This is a tough time of year for me. Halloween (and, oddly, to a lesser extent [Cdn] Thanksgiving) was always a big event in my house growing up. My dad died 2 years + 2 days ago and my mom died ~6 years before that around this time of year. As a result, Halloween depresses the heck out of me. I've just ignored it for the most part to date. No candy. No pumpkins. No treat or treating.

But my husband and I just bought a house, and the neighbourhood is really neighbourly. He said that it'd probably be wise to participate our first year out here, and he has a point. So we bought a bag of candy (but no pumpkin!!!) and will see who comes to our door tonight.

It's raining now. I hope it continues until tonight. I hope no one comes knocking.

Plus, the Chihuahua barks at the doorbell, which is a pain in the ass.
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  #9588  
Old 10-31-2013, 08:26 AM
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Originally Posted by Romy View Post
All of you ladies with gentlemen in your lives like that, you just need to know how blessed you are. Maybe some of you know that already, but you really are and I'm really glad for you.

Stories like that used to make me all bitter and depressed. My ex, despite being repeatedly told the same thing by counselors, despite being repeatedly asked by me for comfort vs. problem solving, almost always chose to do the opposite. Towards the end instead of problem solving, he'd berate me until I cried or shout me down.

"You're stressed out because you let the house get so dirty. You should clean it for once!"

"I'm not going to hold your hand. You're hormonal and that's enabling bad behavior!"

"I know you're not reading your scriptures and praying enough, because if you were you wouldn't be feeling like this. Next time come ask me for a hug after you've taken care of your responsibilities."

"You don't deserve a hug."


So if your partner is awesome, listens to you, and cherishes you, cherish them. I'm never going to have that, which at this point is by choice. Twice burned, I'm never going to risk it happening again. Especially since I have two kids to care for and can't risk their safety.
My ex as well. Such similar statements. I started to believe that I didn't deserve it, and would stop asking and just curl into a pit of my own anxiety night after night. It was brutal. Current BF, bless his heart, has to deal with some of that blowback. But he is exactly as many of you describe: He's a great guy, but needs layman's terms to know what I need from him a lot of the time. If I feel vulnerable and need a cuddle, I need to tell him or else his engineer-mind goes into problem solving mode. :P
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  #9589  
Old 10-31-2013, 08:49 AM
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Originally Posted by Sekah View Post
Ah, Halloween. This is a tough time of year for me. .....
I'm so sorry Sekah, I can't imagine all the feelings wrapped up like that in a holiday. Just sounds very emotionally hard and sad. I hope you get through today and that it's easier and less painful than you're imagining. But either way, lots of hugs!

So I don't normally post in this thread but today I just needed to.

Yesterday the family run independent pharmacy I've worked at for near 8 years completely closed it's doors after 34 years of being there. We had been told in June that the pharmacy part of it was closing in a few days but that the front was going to stay open for the last few months of the rent. That way we could clear out stock.

The last few months since we were told were bad but the last few weeks were just awful. My mother also worked there for over 9 years so it was just her and I working the front the last month and then mostly just me the last few weeks.

It wasn't the hours as much as it's just so emotionally hard to do all this stuff when the end result is closing. It sounds so silly but that place was way more than a job. I loved so much about it and I'm going to miss it like crazy. My boss was someone that I bickered with, got in so many arguments with and we drove each other nuts, but that was all allowed to happen. We had a great relationship and he always called me the daughter he never had.

Yesterday was just hard. Getting up and going there knowing it was the last day I would ever do that, taking all the last stuff out we had, seeing what was left of this place that so many people loved. It was just painful and sad.

And then in the middle of the day my face had to become intimate with a hammer and my boss and I had to leave to go get me stitches. Which hurt quite a bit. But, did make the day more memorable.

It did end as well as it could though. We all sat around on the floor in the empty space eating pizza and drinking champagne, sparkling grape juice and beer while reminiscing, laughing and talking about the future. But it was very bittersweet.

And today I just feel very sad, it's hitting me and I know it's so hard for a lot of other people to understand but I'm going to miss that place like crazy, I feel so sad for the community that lost it's old time pharmacy where we all knew everyone by name, what was going on in their life and would spend hours helping them or just listening. I feel so sad I'm not going to be seeing these people I worked with on any type of regular schedule and I'm just so sad to see it end this way.

And my head hurts.

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  #9590  
Old 10-31-2013, 10:18 AM
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Originally Posted by Linds View Post
And today I just feel very sad, it's hitting me and I know it's so hard for a lot of other people to understand but I'm going to miss that place like crazy, I feel so sad for the community that lost it's old time pharmacy where we all knew everyone by name, what was going on in their life and would spend hours helping them or just listening. I feel so sad I'm not going to be seeing these people I worked with on any type of regular schedule and I'm just so sad to see it end this way.

And my head hurts.

I completely understand that. I haven't worked at my pharmacy for long but we're small enough (although a chain) that we know most of our customers. I love hearing about the grandkids and their trips and their spouses. I've already become so attached to these people. I can't imagine how I'd feel after 8 years.

I think your attitude towards your job and customers is a trait that not many people have. And I think it's a huge strength. I hate when people view their job as only a job. My workplace is my family. I spend 40 hours a week with these people. I can't help but get close to them and feel protective of them and my customers. It's refreshing to know I'm not the only one that feels this way.

(Side rant but... We just had someone quit and they were bitching about how much money they were losing by giving a two week's notice. This person has been at this pharmacy for like 4 years. And he's 'almost' been a doctor for just as long. You are NOT doing us a favor by giving a two week's notice. That's common ****ing courtesy. I'm happy that he's leaving, not only because he's a dick but because he's unhappy here but he doesn't have to bash us until he leaves. It is not our fault he is nearing 40 and doesn't have his **** together. Maybe he shouldn't have told everyone he was a doctor all this time. Now our customers are starting to ask when his residency is. And he STILL lies and says "Oh... soon. June, I think. Unofficially." He is too old to be acting like this! )

I'm sorry your pharmacy closed. I hope you can move on to better and brighter things. Good luck Do you plan to stay in the field or venture out? I'm sure your knowledge would be appreciated in any pharmacy.
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