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  #8431  
Old 08-31-2013, 11:43 AM
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Originally Posted by yv0nne View Post
I don't think I told my boyfriend everything that was a deal breaker day 1.. and people can genuinely change over the course of a relationship on major life issues.

I did want kids at one point& now I don't. My boyfriend is content to have a baby with me if I decide I want one or just love our dog LOL! The one thing that really bothers me is I never used to care if we got married. Now, we live together& I want to be married. He is not so sure on the whole thing& that has caused more tension than I can even begin to explain.
I think getting together under the pretense of all the truth on the table about want/not wants and then changing over time (which happens) is a much more fair situation and much more likely to go over better than YOU WANTING SOMETHING SO BADLY from the beginning and then as things become more serious, trying to get another person on board (not saying this MUST happen day 1)
You changed over time about a major life goal, which is totally fine... and now it might be causing tension but IMAGINE if you wanted that thing SO BADLY from the beginning..imagine how nuts you would be right now and how much strain you would both be under after all that waiting/wanting lol

I think growing/changing together is much more likely to go over well.. than starting off not really knowing what the other person wants and just hoping it meshes with what you want..and then, after time passes and the relationship grows, wanting that thing even more badly and figuring out the person you're with does not.

Maybe Beanie will want kids some day (who knows.) but I don't think that marginal chance is a good thing to bet on or begin a relationship on. I would hope she finds someone who loves her, and agrees with not wanting children,and if she DOES decide she wants some.. perhaps the discussion can begin from there.
Rather than someone growing resentful from day 1 because they aren't getting what they knew they wanted.


Just my 2 cents.
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  #8432  
Old 08-31-2013, 11:48 AM
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/please don't go on a first date and release all your emotional baggage in the first 30 minutes about your future life goals and plans

haha it is a discussion that needs to happen, but OUT OF THE CONTEXT OF ONLINE DATING (Where it's easy to list these things and it's an important part of who you are/your "profile")
..you can wait til date 3 or something to make sure you actually get along before you begin to discuss kids, marriage etc LOL
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  #8433  
Old 08-31-2013, 12:32 PM
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People have various degrees of importance on different topics, too. Saying, "Yes, I'd like kids" could mean "OMG my life won't be complete without them" or it could mean, "I just assumed someday I'd have children because that is what most people do." The former is clearly incompatible with someone who doesn't want to reproduce, the latter is something that can be talked about and discussed and maybe be happy either way--you wouldn't know until you had that discussion.

I'm sorry this is so hard for you, Beanie
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  #8434  
Old 08-31-2013, 12:34 PM
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If it helps at all if I was a dude and if I was a christian I would climb that **** like a tree.

You would have to pretend to let me win when we raced though. Compromise for my male ego.
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  #8435  
Old 08-31-2013, 12:41 PM
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Ugh it is so disgustingly humid today. Yuck. My hair is getting larger by the minute and anyone that has me on facebook has seen just how out of control my hair can really be. Looks like I'm smuggling furry animals from the zoo on my head
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  #8436  
Old 08-31-2013, 01:20 PM
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Originally Posted by Greenmagick View Post
I am sorry you feel like poeple "jumped on" you. That was in no way my intent and I did not read that intent in the other posts either.
Neither did I..
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  #8437  
Old 08-31-2013, 01:29 PM
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I guess I don't see dating as a jigsaw, I didn't date people to find the missing piece or the perfect fit.... I just dated people because it made me feel good! It made me feel confident, it made me learn about myself, about how actually I COULD flirt/chat/engage with the opposite sex in a datey kind of way, and that actually I could RELAX about wanting to meet someone! And then of course, voila, I met someone and it wasn't through internet dating!

I think I went on, ooooh... 4 or 5 dates before that though, and learnt so much. And I stopped feeling lonely, and I stopped obsessing about meeting someone.

I was always a serial singleton before that, I wasn't the dating type, or the serial relationship type, and I was quite chilled about being single for a long time, but when I did want to meet someone, THAT'S when you feel poop. That's when you sign up to dating sites of course! Feeling a bit like, poop.

If you just go out there and rock the dating world, and have guys wanting to see you again, well it's a huge confidence boost and you get a whole new outlook on it.

I doubt you will meet 'the one' through it, but you never know



My vent is my fish are sick I bought them a new tank, and now they're sick and I feel horrid
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  #8438  
Old 08-31-2013, 02:57 PM
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Agreed. In my dating years, I don't think I had major life discussions with several..some we just went on a date or two for fun. Some we dated longer.

That said, if you really don't find this person interesting at all, there's no harm in not responding
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  #8439  
Old 08-31-2013, 03:07 PM
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Originally Posted by Dizzy View Post
Neither did I..
Maybe it was a random vent about something else? Not what we were talking about?
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  #8440  
Old 08-31-2013, 03:47 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fran101 View Post
If it helps at all if I was a dude and if I was a christian I would climb that **** like a tree.

You would have to pretend to let me win when we raced though. Compromise for my male ego.
Seconded.
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