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  #8421  
Old 08-31-2013, 01:22 AM
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No, I wasn't talking about looks either. My guy buddy is very much a cutie, not more so then my SO (of course ) but romantically we are like two poritivr ends of a magnet. Plutonicly we get along fine.
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  #8422  
Old 08-31-2013, 03:07 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Beanie View Post
Yeah, except the whole "you want kids and I vehemently do not" thing kinda, you know, makes or breaks a relationship.
As does the "I'm a strong Christian and you're a blazing atheist" thing.

I love how people always assume "my type" has something to do with appearances. Like wanting to be attracted to somebody is a bad thing anyway.
I say respond. You might end up with a friend out of it..
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  #8423  
Old 08-31-2013, 04:30 AM
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In *my* opinion dating sites are meant to be a very brief encounter. Don't get caught up in personalities, as you can't judge chemistry till you meet someone, not properly.... And in any case, once you've established (at the bare minimum) that they're not an axe murderer I say MEET them. In person. Go on a date.

You won't lose anything, it doesn't hurt, and they can be fun even if you don't wind up fancying them or even liking them for that matter!

If you start getting all technical about meeting someone, you won't meet them. If you treat this as a spring board to just experience dating, build your confidence, have some social encounters, chances are you will just relax enough to start being open to all encounters, and chances are you will meet someone and ironically chances are it won't even be off the dating site

Take it all with a lunch of salt, who cares if you have wildly different views, go out, meet, chat, build your dating skills and confidence!!
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  #8424  
Old 08-31-2013, 07:42 AM
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My dog keeps waking me up at 5:30 on my days off.
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  #8425  
Old 08-31-2013, 09:25 AM
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One of my parents dogs is a submissive urinator .... I HATE submissive urinators
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  #8426  
Old 08-31-2013, 10:40 AM
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Nevermind.

I shall keep everything to myself in the future to avoid getting jumped on by people who do not know me.
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  #8427  
Old 08-31-2013, 10:50 AM
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I can see where you're coming from, Beanie. Someone who is that fundamentally different, at least on paper, isn't usually going to pan out.

Then again, maybe a coffee date and a new friend comes out of it? Not romantically, but maybe after talking to you he has a friend who is a perfect fit.
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  #8428  
Old 08-31-2013, 12:02 PM
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As for online dating... I'm not one to waste my time and wish more people were upfront and did what Beanie does.

People get into relationships for all kinds of reasons (you meet, sparks fly, you're lonely etc..) and you know what the most common cause of breakups is? After the honeymoon period is over, couples start to discuss the stuff they SHOULD HAVE discussed earlier and find they are totally incompatible (kids, no kids, religion, no religion, future goals, importance of family etc..) and hearts get broken.

They stay together for a while because they are fond of each other.
Compromise is tried on major life issues.
ENTER RESENTMENT, ANGER, FIGHTS, BICKERING.
Break up. Boom.
(now this doesn't ALWAYS happen, but when it comes to being on polar opposites of MAJOR BIG REAL issues, like kids.. I'd say it happens more often than not)

"But I don't want kids"
"WHY?"
"You know I don't like them, I implied.."
"I THOUGHT YOU WOULD CHANGE YOUR MIND"
"Why would I?"
"Because we are in love"
"You want me to sacrifice my happiness for us"
"No it's not like that !"
"If I have kids, I will resent it, and I will in turn, resent us and hate you"
*BOOM HEART BREAK DISASTER*

all of which could've been solved with a simple first date/profile/message of "I don't want children" and making it clear up front.

You know what you want and what you don't.
Why deal with and get involved with someone who isn't 100% on board. You are talking about your future and your religion here, not what kinds of movies your prefer or if you like going to parties.

My boyfriend knew DAY 1 of me being an atheist and me not being sure about having kids and my future goals and MAJOR things I wouldn't compromise on.
Build a relationship with a foundation that is REAL AND SOLID AND THE TRUTH about who you are and what you want ... not tiptoeing around things that are very important to you and what? hoping that they will be on board/have the same ideas once you are already emotionally attached? or will sacrifice and get on board?

If it's something you aren't compromising on, they should know up front and IMO you should not pursue that person. Regardless of "sparks", asking anybody who is that DEADSET on an important choice to compromise will lead to resentment. All around.

Not giving every guy a chance does not make you "the bad guy", neither does not responding to a guy who isn't on the same track with your important plans..

Not being upfront about what you want in life and trying to spring it on someone who now cares about you and getting in an emotional tug-o-war about your now entwined futures and sacrificing happiness is what makes a bad time.

Finding a christian who doesn't want kids is hardly a nitpicky ridiculous "type".
Those are two important life changing qualities.

It's not like you are out there hunting for hot gingers.
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  #8429  
Old 08-31-2013, 12:32 PM
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I don't think I told my boyfriend everything that was a deal breaker day 1.. and people can genuinely change over the course of a relationship on major life issues.

I did want kids at one point& now I don't. My boyfriend is content to have a baby with me if I decide I want one or just love our dog LOL! The one thing that really bothers me is I never used to care if we got married. Now, we live together& I want to be married. He is not so sure on the whole thing& that has caused more tension than I can even begin to explain.
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  #8430  
Old 08-31-2013, 12:42 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Beanie View Post
Nevermind.

I shall keep everything to myself in the future to avoid getting jumped on by people who do not know me.
I am sorry you feel like poeple "jumped on" you. That was in no way my intent and I did not read that intent in the other posts either.
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