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  #4641  
Old 04-07-2013, 09:32 PM
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sparks19 sparks19 is offline
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Originally Posted by Fran101 View Post
I love the picture idea.. and told him about it but now he is just being a brat and digging his heels in. It's like he feels like he has something to prove. Ugh I even told him I would do the SAME for my family that this really isn't about me thinking that his family won't take it well..
but he is being adamant about not telling his family or showing them.

I am honestly starting to think that more-so than he doesn't get my point.. he doesn't WANT this to be an issue.
He sent me this text
"I don't want you to think that it matters and I don't want you to think that I think it matters. They shouldn't have to get used to anything or prepare for anything, you are a girl I like coming over to meet them. That's it. I'm not telling them anything so there. I'm going to prove to you that it doesn't matter and that you don't need a damned warning label and people aren't cruel. They will love you because I do. That's it. "

First time he says I love you and it's in a stupid rant about this frikin problem that shouldn't be a problem!

ugh I'm ignoring it.
He obviously cares about you an it doesn't sound like an "I want to be right so you need to get over it" thing as much as a "you have been hurt and I don't want you to hurt anymore and experience what decent himan beings are really about".

I wouldn't take it as a confrontational "do as I say So there" thing. It sounded like he was trying to be cute and funny.

Really I think the Live and Respect series would be a hreat help here. He wants to FIX the issue. Not fix it like prepare his family but fix uour difficulties. Fix it in the way of showing you that this doesn't have to be an issue, show you that he isn't just some guy and that his family isn't just some guys family.

Don't make it into a power struggle. Power struggles don't end well... Ever. Don't be dramatic just be honest. Ask him.... Ok, they will love me because you do... Loving is different from shock. They van love me and still be shocked and say unintentional hirtful thigs. If they are shocked and it hurts me... How will you feel? How will you handle it?

We don't really have a racism issue here but my dad and my siblings are always making "stupid american" jokes that always hurt brian. They think it's funny. We don't. It is a hard thing to deal with and it is hard for me to stand up to them. Thankfully, Brian doesn't blame me for my weakness or put it on me to fIX it. He knows my struggle. He knows i am not trying to be disrespectful or comfrontational or that I don't care. He knows that it is hard for me.
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  #4642  
Old 04-07-2013, 09:34 PM
Saeleofu Saeleofu is offline
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I have to do homework. And I have class from 2:15 - 4:30 tomorrow, but I KNOW I'll have to be in owner-handler group with Logan at 1:30 or 2pm. I HAVE to be in class to give a presentation. I can be late, but I MUST be there before class is over. I'm stressing because I can't miss either, and THIS PRESENTATION WAS NOT ON THE SCHEDULE WHEN I REGISTERED FOR THE SHOW! I also have to be at the show grounds super early tomorrow to be sure I have time to groom and load all my crap into the car so I can LEAVE. I don't ever take Logan to zoo classes, but I do have that accommodation. We're not going behind the scenes, so technically I could take Logan if I needed to. But he's literally NEVER been to the zoo. Most of my coworkers and classmates know about him, but I'm 99% sure my instructor does not. But he won't freaking be there anyway, he found some other random person to listen to our presentations. HOW THE HELL CAN YOU GRADE PRESENTATIONS YOU DIDN'T EVEN SEE?!
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Old 04-07-2013, 09:56 PM
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Beanie Beanie is offline
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Originally Posted by sparks19 View Post
I wouldn't take it as a confrontational "do as I say So there" thing. It sounded like he was trying to be cute and funny.
Whether he thought it was cute and funny or not, it's not cute. He is flat out refusing to take her feelings into consideration at all. NOT cute. It's already a power struggle because he won't listen or talk about compromise. "That's it." twice??

Nope. Respect must go both ways, he is being very disrespectful to Fran's feelings here.
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Old 04-07-2013, 10:19 PM
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Red.Apricot Red.Apricot is offline
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I am white, and my boyfriend isn't--it never would have occurred to me to tell my family in advance that he isn't.

But!

If he had asked me to, I would have.

I would have let him know that I didn't think it was necessary, but I wouldn't even say that in an 'I'm not going to do it' kind of way; I'd still do so.
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Old 04-07-2013, 10:51 PM
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sassafras sassafras is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fran101 View Post
"I'm going to prove to you that it doesn't matter..."
This right here would bother me A LOT. I think he just really likes you and wants to show you that his family is "good enough" for you, but... it's SO not about him winning or proving anything to you, it's about you being comfortable. And it's such a small thing to ask him to do to make you more comfortable - I mean, if it's not a big deal, then why is he making such a big deal about it?
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Old 04-07-2013, 11:03 PM
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sillysally sillysally is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sparks19 View Post
He obviously cares about you an it doesn't sound like an "I want to be right so you need to get over it" thing as much as a "you have been hurt and I don't want you to hurt anymore and experience what decent himan beings are really about".

I wouldn't take it as a confrontational "do as I say So there" thing. It sounded like he was trying to be cute and funny.

Really I think the Live and Respect series would be a hreat help here. He wants to FIX the issue. Not fix it like prepare his family but fix uour difficulties. Fix it in the way of showing you that this doesn't have to be an issue, show you that he isn't just some guy and that his family isn't just some guys family.

Don't make it into a power struggle. Power struggles don't end well... Ever. Don't be dramatic just be honest. Ask him.... Ok, they will love me because you do... Loving is different from shock. They van love me and still be shocked and say unintentional hirtful thigs. If they are shocked and it hurts me... How will you feel? How will you handle it?

We don't really have a racism issue here but my dad and my siblings are always making "stupid american" jokes that always hurt brian. They think it's funny. We don't. It is a hard thing to deal with and it is hard for me to stand up to them. Thankfully, Brian doesn't blame me for my weakness or put it on me to fIX it. He knows my struggle. He knows i am not trying to be disrespectful or comfrontational or that I don't care. He knows that it is hard for me.
This.
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Old 04-07-2013, 11:10 PM
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Old 04-08-2013, 04:43 AM
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I agree that his heart is in the right place but it's Fran's life and feelings and she gets to decide when she's comfortable or not. If it's love, this is a SIMPLE thing to do, especially if you go the picture with the dog route. IMO.
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Old 04-08-2013, 06:55 AM
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Fran, ask him if his mom has a Facebook. If so they probably already know. I follow my kids because we don't see him a lot. And I love to post old pics of him and tag him. That guwrntees a call. Lol
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Old 04-08-2013, 08:32 AM
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GipsyQueen GipsyQueen is offline
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I hate starting at a new place of work. I love that I actually got the job - but they are using a totally different computer program than the one that I'm used to, and didn't really show me how to use it. Totally making me paniky and peaking my anxiety.
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