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  #11  
Old 08-06-2012, 09:12 PM
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It has nothing to do with whether he trusts them with their mom or if they are being taken care of well. They are HIS children.

I get that courts can be slanted....but according to HIS words as stated here, the ideal would be to move to CA but his new girlfriend/wife would come first...sorry, wrong answer.
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  #12  
Old 08-06-2012, 09:14 PM
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You dont want to know my response to what would happen if Jeremy had a new wife or girlfriend and told me he wasnt moving closer to our kids just because of her.

ETA: Money, Job, what not, even if HE doesnt want to but if he wanted to and she refused and he let that slide. Oh HELLLLLLL no.
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Old 08-06-2012, 09:15 PM
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And I do want to add....I would caution immediately dismissing a guy just because of children....many AWESOME men have children and as I said earlier, after a certain age is going to be even more common.

I understand the extra layer they bring for sure, but IMO often the people we end up being great matches with are the opposite of what we think we want
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Old 08-06-2012, 09:17 PM
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Plus say just god forbid something happens and the mother passes he will then be the sole parent and you (general you) are the mother now.
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Old 08-06-2012, 09:20 PM
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Originally Posted by Greenmagick View Post
And I do want to add....I would caution immediately dismissing a guy just because of children....many AWESOME men have children and as I said earlier, after a certain age is going to be even more common.

I understand the extra layer they bring for sure, but IMO often the people we end up being great matches with are the opposite of what we think we want
For me having kids is a deal breaker. I get that the guy may be a awesome and fun. But he took a path that I don't really want to be a part of. So for some people it just is something that is a definite no go.

Someone will stick it out and hopefully those two make a great couple. But me and a guy with kids? Sorry no, never.

I think my issue here is he isn't putting his kids first and is talking about wanting more kids. What happens when he thinks they are in good hands and wants to make more kids?
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Old 08-06-2012, 09:22 PM
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I didnt even catch that!

Yeah I would RUNNNNNNNN. Granted my husband put my families first for the move here but it was after alot of CAREFUL consideration and out of what we were hoping a medical and family need. It wasnt just a carefree we want to move so we are.
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  #17  
Old 08-06-2012, 09:24 PM
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I think people are reading way too much into things. He knows a girl he likes for a month and half. He likes her. He probably likes his job too, is able to care for his kids, maybe they have a great set up like it is, we don't know any of the details about his situation with his kids. It could be perfect for them and everyone, himself, mom and kids love it.

he's obviously taking his time in doing things. Some don't bring up kids the first date, because maybe some aren't even worth mentioning to that you have kids. and it's not a discussion that needs to be made from day one, and if it is for you, then ask. ( not you Dreez, just you in general)

the girl he likes asks if he wants to move a few states away, his reaction was probably, I don't have immediate plans to do so, i do like my kids, but life can take all sorts of twists and turns before that is even an option, so what is least likely to turn this girl off that I like??? so he probably said what would make it seem like he had her in mind with any future decisions
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Old 08-06-2012, 09:29 PM
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So then he turns it around to say what she wants to hear instead of the truth? Im sorry but be straight up and tell the other person what you want and dont play games.

Example: I knew my husband was not a fan of Pit Bulls and I want one and other dogs when we get a house. i told him that and in fact we got in a fight and broke up for about 24 hours he actually in that time researched some and came back to me and apologized and said he would not make any promises and we would talk about it. We have and he now ASKs for a APBT but if he hadnt I knew that was a possibility going into it.
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  #19  
Old 08-06-2012, 09:33 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by release the hounds View Post
why? some courts are still so slanted just because someone has a vagina and maybe he realized long ago, he's not getting any more placement. Maybe they fought enough about placement and they have something between himself, his ex and the kids and it works. who knows the reasons, but if he's not living in Cali now why couldn't where his future wife wants to live be a consideration?

it would be different if he had 50/50 and was like hey, i like you, let's move across the country, I don't care to see my kids anyway. But that's not the case here, at least it doesn't appear to be.

Other than that a month and half is cool, but there's still so much to learn about someone. If kids are a deal breaker, then i'd just end it. if not, then see where it goes. It's not like everything ever goes according to plan anyway in life.
This might be the first time I have ever agreed with you-lol.

I will say that if you want nothing to do with children in general, break it off now. He will always be a parent no matter where he lives in the country, and yes, if something were to go sideways with the mother he may end up with full or partial custody all some or all of the kids at some point.
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  #20  
Old 08-06-2012, 09:35 PM
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what if that was the TRUTH. Ideally, he'd probably would have liked his wife to not up an dleave to another state and take his kids. In an ideal world, he proably wishes he never marriead someone he was going to divorce, but **** happens.

Ideally, he'd probably like to live right next door to his kids, but life isn't really allowing it. His ex took them across the country. he has a life as well, and a job and maybe their whole arrangement works pretty dang well for everyone involved?

maybe someday if his job can transfer it might be an option, maybe that will be 10 years from now, maybe never. maybe they move backnear him, maybe all sorts of things happen between now and then, maybe he is able to realize that someday if that possibility should arrise, he'd be considerate enough to take into account the feelings of whomever he was involved with, if involved to a level that would require a joint decision. Adults can do those sorts of things
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