My toxic relationship with my granddad

[yoko]

Originally Posted by StephyMei1112

Renee,

Exactly. The lines are blurring more for him though because dad said he wasn't quite sure what was being "pretended" and what was actual decline.

I think if he isn't just completely gone it might be less embarassing for him to say he is pretending rather than admitting he's losing himself.

[StephyMei1112]

If one is indeed losing control of one's facilities I don't think you would be able to retain the ability to cherry pick whom you act looney with and whom you don't. He's apparently REALLY clear with certain people - so I don't quite know what to make of that.

[smkie]

Originally Posted by Red Chrome

I live with my Grandma who has moderate Dementia. She is a mean mean woman now, yells at people cusses,is just fairly volatile....at times. Sometimes she is this way and other times she is like tthe sweet lady I grew up with.

You have to remember they have a disease. It develops over time and gets worse.

When my grandma is being hurtful, I turn the other cheek. Cause I know she doesn't mean it and in less rhan 10 minutes, she wont remember saying it.

As much as I'd like to lash back, its not right. She is an 80 year old woman and yelling at her does nothing bit hurt us both. She deserves respect, she has seen wars,depressions and other horrible things, lost her 2 sons and her husband in her lifetime.

If you have a volatile relationship with tour grandpa, then don't go see him or if you have to go, don't respond negatively, change the subject or walk away but don't yell at him. He deserves your respect unless he did something horrible to you in your life.

[Doberluv]

Originally Posted by Red Chrome

I live with my Grandma who has moderate Dementia. She is a mean mean woman now, yells at people cusses,is just fairly volatile....at times. Sometimes she is this way and other times she is like tthe sweet lady I grew up with.

You have to remember they have a disease. It develops over time and gets worse.

When my grandma is being hurtful, I turn the other cheek. Cause I know she doesn't mean it and in less rhan 10 minutes, she wont remember saying it.

As much as I'd like to lash back, its not right. She is an 80 year old woman and yelling at her does nothing bit hurt us both. She deserves respect, she has seen wars,depressions and other horrible things, lost her 2 sons and her husband in her lifetime.

If you have a volatile relationship with tour grandpa, then don't go see him or if you have to go, don't respond negatively, change the subject or walk away but don't yell at him. He deserves your respect unless he did something horrible to you in your life.

This is a good post!

It's hard on you, but think how hard getting old and feeling like crap must be to him, and everyone who gets close to the end of their life.

[Beanie]

Originally Posted by puppydog

I am of the opinion that he is an old man who is delusional. Ignore him. Screaming at him make you look crazy. Not the other way around.

Gotta agree with this. In what way is it productive to engage in an argument with him - for either of you? I'm sure screaming "F*** you" at him really made him reconsider what he was saying.

Who was it that had the sig that said "I do not have to attend every argument I am invited to?" Good words to live by.

[Renee750il]

Originally Posted by StephyMei1112

If one is indeed losing control of one's facilities I don't think you would be able to retain the ability to cherry pick whom you act looney with and whom you don't. He's apparently REALLY clear with certain people - so I don't quite know what to make of that.

The fact that he's singling you out for "special treatment" . . . that makes it so much more difficult to deal with and not feel especially hurt.

The best thing to do is to stay away as much as possible -- and when you can't, have you got an iPod?

[StephyMei1112]

Can't get away with the earbuds LOL - I've tried it before. Will just really do my best to stay away from the situation.

Spoke to dad about it the other night - suggested he try to seek better care for granddad. Dad said he knows very well what he is receiving currently is insufficient to his needs, but it's my mom's two elder brothers (granddad's sons) that are organizing and getting his care together, So dad doesn't want to step on anyone's toes or get embroiled into their internal politics - but he agrees with me and will put in a word when he can. Fair enough. I would probably do the same in his shoes.

[Renee750il]

I've found that if I run the cord up my back, so that it's under the back of my hair, no one sees the ear buds

[sassafras]

I know there's obviously a history behind this one visit, but the things that he said were so completely outlandish that they're not even worth taking seriously, let alone engaging him over. Obviously he's not in his right mind, the things he was saying weren't even coherent.

Either don't go, or just ignore him, there's no point in arguing with him when he's probably barely aware of the words coming out of his mouth.

[StephyMei1112]

I won't go. If I absolutely MUST - I will ignore him completely or wait it out in another room.

I really distrust him - he's not a innocent old man. So I have no idea what is true delusion, false premise, "hamming" it up, or so on. I can't give him the benefit of the doubt...again.