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  #21  
Old 07-21-2012, 08:35 AM
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(((((Stephy)))))) You're the best kind of friend. You've gotten excellent advice here, especially from Yoko and Romy.

Yes, if there is any way possible, go get her and bring her home with you. You can work on what's next then.
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  #22  
Old 07-21-2012, 03:49 PM
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Sigh Thanks everyone

Indeed the report has been filed - but I am still trying to get thru to her personally of course....her whatsapp hasn't been on since last night and she still isn't picking up her phone. or answering texts. Hope she does soon - even if it is to say "F*ck you, I'm fine and going back home now" - perfect answer actually, and hope it's the one I get...

She's been there for me in the most difficult trying times; She's quite a few years younger than me but she is infinitely wise beyond her years - she's a great, inexhaustible, compassionate, and loving friend, I can't not try to give her back all that she's given me in life right now in her time of trouble.

Once when I was crying and really down and out myself (my parents were really hard on me, I had been dumped by my bf at the time, and another friendship had ended all at once) - she said to me (in Chinese) -

"You can't rely on your family; Fine, neither can I - ditto for millions of other people. Your boyfriend left - screw him and good riddance, saves you the trouble of shaking the a*shole off later anyways. Your friend ditched you - her loss and stupidity, not yours. So f&cking what?! We've got each other, we'll always have each other and I am not someone that will ever leave you till you are OK. I'm NOT leaving - get it? I don't care if you kick, scream or beat me - I am NOT moving an inch away from you till I'm sure and you're sure that you are f*cking alright! so deal with it."

She then proceeded to clamp me in a bear hug that lasted nearly 2 hours with me bawling all the way through. I have spent possibly thousands of hours with her in the course of our knowing each other, We've been through 4 AM phone calls, 7 AM texts, midnight drives and clinging onto each other for dear life and everything else - and I plan on having her around for many more years to come along with more happy memories. If she can pull through this we need to work on starting to get her life together - otherwise it's just more of this in the future and it's ultimately going to be a ugly ending.
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  #23  
Old 07-21-2012, 03:52 PM
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Maybe you should send her that same message -- verbatim? It might get through to her <3
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In a controversy the instant we feel anger we have already ceased striving for the truth, and have begun striving for ourselves. ~Buddha

Stupid is the most notoriously incurable and contagious disease known to mankind. If you find yourself in close proximity to someone infected with stupid, walk away as soon as said infection is noted.


There are few things more nauseating than pure obedience. ~ Kvothe

***8206;"silence is the language of god, all else is poor translation."
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  #24  
Old 07-21-2012, 05:12 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Romy View Post
If the gist is there, they aren't dumb.

And don't just offer to have a sleepover. Tell her you're coming over to pick her up. When people are in a crisis (any kind of crisis) they often don't know what to do with offers of help or people asking how they can help, because they often don't feel they know what they need or even deserve it. Usually they respond best to someone coming in and telling them what they're going to do to help. If she's really offended by it she'll say something.

Just be like, I'm coming over and we're going back to my place to watch movies and eat cookies. Something like that.
This. Now. That's what best friends are for. You want her to be physically with you. Maybe she just needs time with you to decompress, if she needs to go to the hospital know you're there for her {{{Hugs}}}
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  #25  
Old 07-21-2012, 07:45 PM
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Police got ahold of her - she notified me herself...

She's not happy - she says she's feeling a "mixture" of feelings (translated directly from her chinese text) and that she doesn't want to say much to me right now... As long as she's safe I feel relief...
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  #26  
Old 07-21-2012, 07:52 PM
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Oh man. I can't imagine.

I think I would go nuts and just be totally blunt. she keeps saying she doesnt' want to put all her problems on you and such ...w ell she should know just exactly how this is affecting YOU. how this back and forth on whether she's alive or not is affecting you, your sleep, your life. If she doesnt' want to put all her problems on you then she needs to be in contact with you for that to fix the problem. The PROBLEM is she keeps leaving you wondering and worrying.

I know confrontation will only make it worse but OY I don't know how you haven't totally snapped under the pressure her non responses are putting on you.

It's so unfair for her to keep making these threats and get you all worked up only to go off and do whatever she's doing and leave you totally clueless KNOWING you must be worried out of your mind.

I know this should be about her but I can't help but think about YOU. This is going to be TOTALLY unpopular but this is why I feel suicide is totally selfish... especially the constant threats. I know she can only think about how bad this is for her but it's terrible that she has no regard for how terrible this is for you
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  #27  
Old 07-21-2012, 08:14 PM
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I know - but honestly...all I care about is that she's safe, sound, and well.

She's been there for me for hours upon end, counseling me thru an inexhaustible amount of texts, repeating the phrases "It's going to be all ok", "you'll be fine", "***19981;***29992;***25812;***24515; : )" (No worries) perhaps hundreds if not thousands of times. I just see it as well...she's been thru hell for me - who am I not to repay it back in patience, time, energy, and anything else I can do?

True I've come close to a nervous breakdown more than once in this ordeal and may come close to one again - but...I don't know, I don't feel it hard on myself - but just washed over by a tide of relief and happiness that she's fine. As long as she's fine...I'm good too.
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We are such neighborly people, peaceful and sweet!
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http://inugami1112.wordpress.com/

"And it's all been lost before, so there's nothing to lose..."


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  #28  
Old 07-22-2012, 04:00 AM
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Ok, we had abit of a confrontation about things just a hour or so ago thru texts. She's pissed, frustrated, sad, mad and really fed up of everything in general and the police issue just pushed it way over the top.

I expressed my frustration, anger, worry, and anxiety to her as well and how stressful and one sided this particular situation was and that we should be fair to each other. Her exact response loses alot in translation (we texted in Chinese) but I can safely say she's gone beyond the realm of simply not caring about much anymore.

She doesn't want to talk for a while and things got abit eerie towards the end - she said very indiscreet things like "all will be at peace" "you'll see how things go" "It's pointless to keep talking now" etc. I'll continue to keep an eye on her and will report anything funny again. But I do hope she gets out of this phase, stays out of it for good and gets her life together. Seriously I told her even if she does volunteer work, cashier at the local pet supply store that's a few blocks away from my house, waitress - whatever - it'll be something to get things going in her life. At the end of the day, I can't do anything if she won't - it's her life and her decision to make. She means the world to me but if she won't take the initiative regardless of whatever amount of convincing....

I'm tired yet restless, frustrated, angry, sad, yet in some way relieved - with full knowledge that something may come up again tomorrow or the days following though. It's strange - but what isn't in life?
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Feudin' and fightin' and a-fussin,'
That's all that's goin' on with us'n!
We are such neighborly people, peaceful and sweet!
All except when we happen to meet.


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http://inugami1112.wordpress.com/

"And it's all been lost before, so there's nothing to lose..."


"There are those that love dogs insanely and those that don't. But once you like a dog, you're sunk. You're a dog person for life."

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  #29  
Old 07-22-2012, 04:39 AM
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She was undergoing hormone therapy when I first met her - she got her surgery around a year later with other "changes" occurring during and after the procedure. She's tall, slim, beautiful and more stunning looking than even "naturally" born women. People's eyes nearly pop out if they hear she's trans.

She's not a person without scandal - people told me really nasty things about her, people said she had "intentions" with me so on and so forth. But I disregarded all of it and I gained a beautiful, wise, generous to no limits, infinitely sweet, and incredible friend. I can't help but think back to that time though and moments between us throughout the years...that the part about her having "intentions" with me - could have been partially true.

She was quite possessive in the beginning; Insecure in general but she would send me messages or call me randomly asking me what I was doing, where I was at, could I chat etc. If I would say I was out at dinner with someone else or with friends her voice would tense up or sink in disappointment, I'd ask her if she was ok or if something was wrong after; "No, I'm ok..." she'd reply.

If however I said I was alone or at home or just off work or something she'd perk up and ask if she could meet me or could I pick her up or could I buy her dinner or go over to watch DVD's with her... And for some reason she was quite protective over me against other girls - but she wasn't threatened (as much) or felt as bad towards my bf's or guys that I socialized or went out with. She hasn't ONCE tried to sabotage a relationship of mine - romantic or otherwise, but has expressed her displeasure at some of my other gfs and my spending time with them (it didn't go down well, I stood my ground and she didn't really back down either..) as well as telling me to quit one guy or OUR friendship was over - I chose the friendship and the guy ended up being a total creep so it was fine.

I found these habits abit odd and perhaps even odder when she carried on with them when she had a boyfriend of her own later. I chose to put alot of it down to the hormone therapy and general insecurity, but looking back now I can't help but think...she perhaps may indeed have had something more than friendship in her heart for me.

However she was supportive of my dating, gave excellent advice on my relationship troubles, and even acted as a incredible go-between person when I froze my bf at the time out. She encouraged him to spend more time with me and see things in my way.... But she was still really possessive of me during that time as well. So it's such a contradiction and will remain abit of a mystery I guess.

We have NOT done anything sexual, I've seen her nude once in a change room and she's seen me topless twice. Both were in non-sexual situations. She's kissed me (cheeks, forehead, face etc and lips a few times) and vice versa - certainly our friendship has been/is very intimate and close - it's not so in a romantic context at all. At least in my perspective, can't quite say for her...

Anyways, I thank everyone profusely for advice, patience, and for listening to me and reading this thread and I hope my next update is a happy one about her =)
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Feudin' and fightin' and a-fussin,'
That's all that's goin' on with us'n!
We are such neighborly people, peaceful and sweet!
All except when we happen to meet.


Stories, Poetry, and Musings
http://inugami1112.wordpress.com/

"And it's all been lost before, so there's nothing to lose..."


"There are those that love dogs insanely and those that don't. But once you like a dog, you're sunk. You're a dog person for life."

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  #30  
Old 07-22-2012, 10:55 AM
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You've done everything you can. You're right -- now she has to take some initiative. All anyone else can do is be supportive, listen, nudge and be aware of red flags, which is exactly what you're doing.

Hormones play bloody hell with emotions, too. Someone has to be incredibly strong to undergo gender reassignment, and I can only imagine that the continual, long term balancing of hormones gets very difficult.
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In a controversy the instant we feel anger we have already ceased striving for the truth, and have begun striving for ourselves. ~Buddha

Stupid is the most notoriously incurable and contagious disease known to mankind. If you find yourself in close proximity to someone infected with stupid, walk away as soon as said infection is noted.


There are few things more nauseating than pure obedience. ~ Kvothe

***8206;"silence is the language of god, all else is poor translation."
— Rumi
Be a god. Know when to shut up.


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