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  #11  
Old 05-19-2012, 07:45 PM
-bogart- -bogart- is offline
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Yes. Thank god you did something about it. As a public school counselour he has to know to keep his hand off . Period . No excuses. I mean does he not watch the news and see how many sick freaks there are molesting kids and realize "hey maybe I need to keep my hands off them so i don't get accused" at the very least.


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  #12  
Old 05-19-2012, 08:00 PM
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He may very well not have meant anything by it, but it does seem inappropriate, especially for a one on one meeting. I would think a middle school counselor would have more sense than that, I would have been uncomfortable too. Hopefully a talk with him will straighten this out.
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  #13  
Old 05-20-2012, 12:50 AM
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To me that smacks of bullying. I had a teacher who would do that and I lost it with him. He then told my parents I was difficult.
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  #14  
Old 05-20-2012, 01:43 AM
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That to me is really creepy. And it doesn't really sound like Fran's scenario where the councilor was just huggy because he cared a lot about the kids.

He was combining a familiar/intimate touch with a reprimand. I love my kids and show them affection, but I don't do it as I'm reprimanding them. That combo by itself is weird. For it to be coming from an adult male school counselor? Just... doesn't leave a good taste in my mouth.
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  #15  
Old 05-20-2012, 07:02 AM
release the hounds release the hounds is offline
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I think what's sad and creepy is the fact that a person can't put their hand on someone without being called a ****ing creep and thought capable of molesting children.

Why does everything have to be so sterile all the time? a hand on a knee can mean a thousand different things, humans use contact and body language too, it's not just for dogs.

Hand on the knee and direct eye contact up close can make someone feel uncomfortable, especially if they're trying to get away with something and you press them on it. It could be totally appropriate to do that depending on the situation, because it's much harder for someone to lie in that situation. or at least lie and get away with it.

Comparing to a business meeting? people touch each other all the time in business meetings, some people hug, some people kiss, some pat on backs, some sit stone faced across a table.

Sure, if you felt that strongly about it, report it. But not everyone is a molester or a creep, or inappropriate because they touch someone. In fact it's pretty normal to do so.
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  #16  
Old 05-20-2012, 08:18 AM
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I'm 31 and have never, ever had someone touch me in that manner that was not a family member or friend. Having an authority figure do that would make me uncomfortable at this age, and not necessarily because it's a sexual thing. I have certain parts of my body that are off limits for touching by someone who I don't have a close relationship with.
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Sadie & Runt--12 yr old calico DSHs
Pickles & Kiwi--3 yr old white winged parakeets
Yoda--1 yr old Quaker parrot
Solo--12 yr old Senegal parrot
Sheena--Quarter Horse--3/24/86-6/23/11--Rest Easy Sweet Girl~




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  #17  
Old 05-20-2012, 08:53 AM
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If one of my students told me the counselor did that to her, I'd be emailing the administrator that supervised the counselor and letting him know that the counselor was making students uncomfortable with his/her actions.

It doesn't matter if anything was meant by it or if it was strictly professional--if it makes the kid feel physically uncomfortable, it's wrong. It's why I offer kids high-5's instead of hugs. Enough of the kids are uncomfortable receiving hugs from a teacher that unless they initiate it, I don't ever offer it.
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  #18  
Old 05-20-2012, 09:13 AM
release the hounds release the hounds is offline
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I guess since getting hauled in for doing something wrong or lying probably makes most kids uncomfortable, better get rid of that too i guess.

But more importantly, lets focus on something done in front of other adults that was most likely not sexual in anyway shape or form , but rather something done to denote the seriousness of the situation. Instead Let's talk about what a creep this guy could potentially be, let's go down the path of the boogey man again. It's easy to deflect things these days, just bring up pedophiles.

How about, what did the child do, what were the circumstances, the seriousness, the nature of the visit to the counselor and was she in fact lying? Or are those details not important?
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  #19  
Old 05-20-2012, 09:16 AM
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I talked with her about this last night. I asked if he has done this before.

Lots of times, my friend _______ too.

How did you feel about it?

I don't like it.

and btw she was telling the truth.

and no I don't think those details are important. I think any teacher, or stranger, or anyone should not be touching a child below the waist unless there is an injury and it is necessary and they have permission.to do so for that injury.

I certainly wouldn't touch any child like that especially this age and older. Babies I pick up if they know me and the parents are approving and all is good, but I don't touch any one without them being either a dear friend or a family member. IT just isn't appropriate.


-----------------------------

Bullying is exactly how it came off to me, in every passive aggressive way, epsecially the hard eye contact and the in your face talking low.

There was an hour and a half left of the day, it was graduation, and she didn't want to be there. I should have taken her home. I should not have listened to everyone else that she would be fine, and she should not miss graduation. I said ok, it's only an hour and a half left. Yet I could not leave the office, my eyes dripped, and I felt she wasn't well enough for this. Never again will I ever let anyone sway me into thinking they know her better than I do. I feel just sick about the fall out afterward which I won't go into here. A pat on the back, an arm around the shoulder would be one thing...but a hand on the knee of a preteen girl with hard eye contact and leaning in so his face is in hers while calling her a liar is not what I want anyone doing to my child, or me, or anyone else for that matter. I am very upset about this. I came home and thought I will walk until I am not angry any more, that didn't work my feet gave out first. I have very good recall, and what I saw wasn't right and two days later I am just as mad as I was when this happened. I wish he could have to live what she has had to live with, and then have someone treat HIM like that.
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Last edited by smkie; 05-20-2012 at 09:28 AM.
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  #20  
Old 05-20-2012, 09:26 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by release the hounds View Post
Comparing to a business meeting? people touch each other all the time in business meetings, some people hug, some people kiss, some pat on backs, some sit stone faced across a table.
Dang, you've been to a LOT different meetings than I have, that's for sure. If a business colleague put their hand on the INSIDE of my knee and leaned in to talk right in my face? NO. Nor have I ever been (or would want to be) hugged or kissed at a business meeting.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sillysally View Post
I'm 31 and have never, ever had someone touch me in that manner that was not a family member or friend. Having an authority figure do that would make me uncomfortable at this age, and not necessarily because it's a sexual thing. I have certain parts of my body that are off limits for touching by someone who I don't have a close relationship with.
This exactly. This was not a pat on the back or a quick shoulder squeeze, the inside of the knee is off limits IMO. Children are not property for adults to handle however they like.

And no, whether she was lying or not has nothing to do with it, IMO. There are ways to get to the bottom of something that don't involve invading personal space.
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