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Old 05-16-2012, 07:41 PM
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I think that genetics are potential, and then our experiences either trigger or don't trigger things we have the potential to do or what we have the potential to be.

I think we seriously need to understand the effect child abuse will have for the rest of that childs life. Both my parents are mental health nurses and I have heard some incredibly sad stories - things you really don't believe still happen in society regularily enough to f**k up kids lives for good.
I grew up with various levels of sexual, emotional and physical abuse, alcoholism, drug problems and domestic violence in the family.
I'm amazed everyday that my sister, brother and I turned out so "okay" - various levels of anxiety and depression and none of us are good with our emotions but we are all alright, aware and far from the "psychopath" my father tried to label my little sister with when she was 4 years old.

I liked that article though - I'd be interested to read more on the subject.
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  #42  
Old 05-16-2012, 07:43 PM
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Originally Posted by Romy View Post
I definitely think some children are naturally good. lol. When I worked as an early intervention specialist I was always humbled by the incredible kindness demonstrated by children in the worst situations imaginable. One little child, their face had been mutilated by someone in their family, mom was a violent drug addict who murdered their little sister. That kid was the most incredibly sweet, kind, gentle, compassionate and loving child I have ever worked with. I've seen more than one child whose home life did nothing to teach them those character traits, yet they had them in spades.
Oh don't get me wrong. I'm not saying kids can't be naturally good. but they aren't naturally PURE. A child will learn to lie without being taught. it's just naturally there... almost like a survival instinct. Children can be naturally sweet and kind and gentle hearted without being taught those things but they will also know how to do "wrong" without being taught those things. Children aren't born PURE.

Good was the wrong word to use. Pure is a better term. Does that make sense?

Mostly I'm just commenting on the idea that if a kid is "bad" (again not the right term but I can't think of a better word at this very moment lol) it must be because of their parents or something that has happened to them in their life. No ... that's not nessecarily true. Children are just as capable of being "bad" are they are of being "good".
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  #43  
Old 05-16-2012, 08:15 PM
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Just like with Hannah. she is a great kid. easy going, laid back, pleasant, etc. I'd like to tell everyone that it's because I'm super mom lol but I know better. it's just her NATURE to be this way. I didn't make her this way (well I guess I kinda did since I actually MADE her LOL). her personality isn't a result of my stellar parenting or anything lol. She was born with this personality. How I parent her can certainly help or hurt (and there is definitely a little of both going on lol) but nature is the main component.

people always say that children are naturally good. No... not really lol. You don't have to TEACH a child to do bad things like lying and such other things. They know how to do it all on their own. It's up to us to teach them that it's WRONG to do those things but we don't have to teach them how to do wrong, it's already in human nature to know how.
OT, but I just want to say that I really like this post. I am fascinated (and sometimes irritated) about how parents take full credit for their kids' accomplishments. And all of these people who like to tally up kids' accomplishments and brag about them! Ick! I think it's awesome to be proud of your kids, not so much to be smug about it.

We were talking recently about two brothers and their respective families. Parents A are two of the kindest, most wonderful people I've ever known -- I adore them. And both of their kids have issues. Parents B were okay parents -- absent a lot, not always very kind, but basically pretty decent. Their kids have turned out quite well (and said parents are quite proud). (All of these "kids" are adults.) Sure, all parents make mistakes and my view of these people is by its nature imperfect (though I know them all quite well), but it's always fascinated me.
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