Thread battles with other members = dislike in general?

[Fran101]

I argue A LOT on this forum. Blame it on the 20 year old hormones, the fast typing, the stubborn streak, the what-some-would-consider-but-not-really-over-use of gifs... but I feel like I bicker a lot with people lol on various issues.

but what I do find odd is that I get a lot of, "awww.. don't worry about what x, y, z, said..,x,y,z just hates you Fran"
which is of course people trying to I guess make me feel better about getting yelled at/fighting via the internet, which doesn't really upset me, but regardless lol the whole idea is odd to me because unless it's an EXTREME case, like I take personal offense or am PERSONALLY attacked by this person, I don't really transfer my anger/issues outside of the debate thread/threads in question to the forum or to the persons character.

Ok so I feel like I have to give an example here lol
Sorry to throw you down on the table Puck but you are my most recent (and let's just be honest here, most common lol thread bicker buddy) Puck and I find ourselves on the opposite ends on a lot of debates and..I don't hate him lol I think besides our garden variety of issues we DO NOT agree on, we agree on a few things .
We both like Disney world, we both think Hannah is cute and awesome, we both like hannah hands stuff (although I'm sure I probably enjoy them in a different way lol) and as part of our crazy chaz family, like that uncle at thanksgiving dinner who starts a political debate that does get everyone thinking but usually ends with him pulling his gun out and threatening to shoot it at the ceiling, or us on occasion (a very bad idea considering we live in a condo) I smile and offer congrats at his joys and feel sad at his sorrows, even if we fight.

and that's how I feel about MOST chaz members. Regardless of the fact that we fight and bicker, we agree on a few things and we are mostly part of this crazy family and push comes to shove, I'd lend a hand or a shoulder in times of trouble.
.. sooo.. in threads where various members and I aren't fighting, I don't carry any kind of distaste because we fought before.

I just thought it was really interesting hearing from others
So how do you deal with forum bicker buddies?
Do you carry it out of thread? or leave it in the thread in question?

P.S: Am I the only one that thinks there should be some kind of documentary on the inner relationships/workings of the typical forum family? lol

[sparks19]

I think too many people equate disagreement with hate. This forum actually brings out the very worst in me and I know that is the same for many others as well.

[Fran101]

Originally Posted by sparks19

I think too many people equate disagreement with hate. This forum actually brings out the very worst in me and I know that is the same for many others as well.

It really brings out my extremes personally.
I think it's because unlike IRL conversations, we don't really have small talk to kind of fluff relationships. We only bother responding when we really have something to say 99% of the time lol

So either it brings out my GAME FACE I AM READY TO FIGHT LET'S GO 100 PAGE POST or the most docile kind version of myself that really watches and can think about what she types before she posts it (unlike how my mouth works in life)

So you get the gist of my personality really. but nowhere near what it's like to just hang around me on the day to day lol mostly, I think I am actually quite pleasant and un-abrasive.

[jess2416]

I never bicker..


*cough cough*

Honestly, though I think I have bickered and agreed with everyone on this forum at some point or another, the thing is just like family, we arent all going to agree on every single point, I know that when it comes to "men / women" topics, Im usually on the man's side and think that the woman is just being silly lol.

We can all agree to disagree till we are blue in the face, but beliefs are usually beliefs for a reason, and no one will change their beliefs just because a couple of posts..

I dont think disagreement equals hate MOST of the time, but there are times when words really do come across as hateful, maybe the person wasn't trying to be hateful, or maybe they are a closet hater, in the end, all you can do is speak your piece and move on..

[Xandra]

Some people's stance on things or attitudes kinda put me off. But I don't think I dislike anyone here and... hmm can't remember who I've argued with recently but I don't think I ended up holding a grudge or anything.

I like most people

[CaliTerp07]

There are a small handful of people on this forum that really rub me the wrong way. Most of the time, I can leave a thread disagreement in that thread and aww and cheer the next thread down. For a few people though, they've said some really hurtful things and gone too far.

Definitely the exception to the rule though. And I would never call it "hate"--I've just lost a desire to try to maintain any sort of "forum friendship".

[ACooper]

Originally Posted by sparks19

I think too many people equate disagreement with hate......snip....

I think something similar.......... I believe too many people (online and offline) think of good debates as arguing, and arguing must equal enemies.

I LOVE a good debate, and by good debate, I mean where I walk away more knowledgeable than when I started. Where, whether I agree with you or not, I've gained insight into why you think/feel the way you do.

And no, I don't think of a member with opposing opinions as my enemy or feel any anger towards them after the discussion. IMO, it's immaturity if you do. (not talking about personal attacks of course) If you can't handle discussing things and/or having opposing view points......stay out of it and save yourself the aggravation.
(sometimes that's exactly what I do, LOL)

[sparks19]

That is exactly how it is for me too lol. Plus, i will be honest, it is easier for me to say anything without a set of eyes staring back at me... Pleading with me lol.

I am actually nothing like most of what I post here... A few have met me personally and I think they could vouch for that lol. I forget what it was lilavati said she thought I would be like. I don't think matronly was the right word lol. Maybe she can correct me. Renee has also met me.

I am actually a pussycat in person lol always smiling and never mad at anyone but here everything comes across differently

Also, thank you for the kind words about hannah and hannahs hands

[Linds]

I think for the most part I'm the same as you Fran. The only differences is when/if it carries onto other threads needlessly, someone is mean for the sake of being mean over and over again or spills over into other aspects of my life.

That's when I do take my "I disagree with you" to "I strongly dislike you"

But overall I may have knock down drag out fights with people on here but I would also just as quickly jump to defend any number of people I've had huge disagreements with.

[*blackrose]

If I disagree with someone/something, I tend to just disagree on that issue and leave it at that. I don't carry any resentment towards them as people, or when it comes to other issues. People are people and have disagreements. That doesn't make them horrible people (or people worthy of hate). I may not agree with your viewpoint, but that doesn't make you "wrong" and me "right", you "bad" and me "good"....we're just different.

I do the same thing in real life. Now, I do hold actions against people...I think during disagreements, if I person starts personally attacking people/being very rude/name calling/etc., that says a lot about their personality. And while that won't necessarily make me "hate" someone, how they conduct themselves will either give or take away my respect.
A real life example: Mike's uncle is critically ill and likely won't make it through tomorrow. Last week I needed off of work to go down and see him, because I wasn't going to have another chance. When I was asking some of my coworkers to see if they could cover for me, one of them told me that she didn't feel the need to cover for me because she "had finals the next week" (that she had told me prior she probably wouldn't study for) and that "your boyfriend's family is not a family emergency". Even when I asked a few other people and they told me they couldn't (due to legitimate reasons), they offered their sympathies and tried their best to help me out. The coworker that was shitty about the situation lost all of my respect I had for her. I don't hate her...but she certainly no longer is respected by me. I don't let that affect my working relationship with her, but I don't have to pretend to be all chum-buddy with her.

So, even if I don't respect someone/don't want to be all chum-buddy with them...I still try to be polite. LOL