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  #31  
Old 05-04-2012, 08:38 PM
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Originally Posted by Fran101 View Post
like I'm some kind of cat in heat
Fran101: Cat in Heat

I don't know why but that line had me rolling
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  #32  
Old 05-04-2012, 08:47 PM
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Why does it have to be a jealousy or trust thing? I am the least jealous person around. I am confident in myself and in my marriage. I wouldn't have an issue just because the person may be a female. It would be the same for males. I HATE that stupid saying "bros before hoes".

I wouldn't MAKE my spouse get rid of said friend. I don't MAKE my spouse do anything but I certainly appreciate that he cares enough to care about my feeligs even if they would seem irrational and that goes both ways. I respect my husband and his feelings.
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  #33  
Old 05-04-2012, 09:10 PM
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Originally Posted by SevenSins View Post
Not a lady, but let me pose a question... Most women have a network of friends, and regardless of the gender of the friends, there tends to be one or more that just don't like your boyfriend/fiance/husband, for whatever reason, and "you" (collective) don't throw those friends away. Why should he? Again, regardless of the gender of the friend; Believe it or not, men and women are capable of platonic friendship. It's about jealousy on your part. How about trusting your SO to let go of the friendship if he feels that said friend is trying to go too far? You have your friends, let him have his friends, get rid of the double standard.
I agree...

If a person and their SO have a honest and trusting relationship then there is nothing to worry about. If there comes a time when a friend goes to far and tries to make a move past the platonic friendship then you have to trust your partner to make the right decision, if they dont THEN its time to worry..

*begin rant*

this isnt towards anyone in particular, but Im sick and tired of women who try to make men into monsters who try to **** anyone that has a vagina and thats all they are out to get... NOT all men are like that and not ALL women who want to be friends with your SO want to sleep with them... I see soooo many women putting down men and saying basically "men arent ****, men are this, men are that, and it makes me sick. NO man is going to be that 100% man you have on your wishlist, Im not saying lower your standards by any means but when you have a 98% man why leave him for some minor simple ****..

*end rant*
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  #34  
Old 05-04-2012, 09:16 PM
filarotten filarotten is offline
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Always keep your friends close, and your enemies closer...

Unfortunately, there isn't anything you can do...if he is going to cheat, he will find a way, no matter what you do. But, I do know... sitting around worrying about it, will NOT change the situation. Easier said then done, I know.

My motto has always been, I will trust my so, bf, husband, whatever, until he gives me reason not to trust him. Then, if he breaks my trust, we have a whole new ball game.
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  #35  
Old 05-04-2012, 09:30 PM
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sassafras sassafras is offline
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I guess the first thing I would do would be to actually talk to her to make sure there wasn't some sort of misunderstanding.

If there wasn't, I'd say something like, "Boy, that Susie really hates my guts, aheheh. Anyway, what should we do tonight?" the just drop it and let him do what he wants to about it. He's a grown up, I'm not his mother.

Nagging about it isn't going to do anything. Worrying about it isn't going to do anything. I don't expect everyone in life to like me. I don't expect my friends to only be friends with people who like me. I don't like some of my friends' SOs and have no interest in being anything beyond civil to them. I'm glad those friends don't drop ME. *shrug*
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  #36  
Old 05-04-2012, 09:33 PM
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Originally Posted by SevenSins View Post
It seemed very specific to be just a hypothetical, and my response wasn't meant to be condescending at all.
No harm done. It was specific because I'd been running the scenario through my head for a bit, and talking about it with some friends. My boyfriend and I have already spoken about this and we're in agreement with one another. I simply wanted to hear what other people thought, since I find it to be an interesting social scenario with so much potential for immense drama.

My boyfriend and I have both had numerous friends who had no interest in spending time with us as a couple - they really only either wanted me alone, or him alone, and had no interest in getting to know the SO. I have a couple long-standing friends who are cold to my boyfriend, and he has a couple of friends who don't want anything at all to do with me, but those friendships were happy ones before our relationship, so we just leave them be. Some of those friendships have even become mutual after a few years of exposure, and it's something I'm thankful for!

When it comes to new friendships, we honestly do prefer to get to know people who have an interest in friendship with both of us. We're both quite a bit alike, with similar interests and a similar sense of humor, so generally most people who like me wind up liking my boyfriend, and vice versa.

I think it's also probably key to point out that we're not the most socially active couple, and most of our human interaction is with one another. I'm not a social butterfly at all, and I don't know how well a relationship with a super-social creature would pan out for me. We both have a handful of close friends, and another few handfuls of more distant acquaintances. We're content without a massive social network.
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  #37  
Old 05-04-2012, 09:33 PM
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one more thing lol...

Its human nature for us to want to be liked, and for everyone to want to be our friend, but in reality its not gonna happen, no matter what you do some people just dont want to be your friend and we need to learn that. Sure we can be somewhat civil if we want to, but that doesnt mean that if Im friends with someone I have to like or be friends with their SO..

ok im done with my .05 cents
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  #38  
Old 05-04-2012, 09:33 PM
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Miakoda Miakoda is offline
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If I have a male friend, that I prefer to going out to eat with and seeing movies with and all that jazz over the company of my husband, then there is definitely an issue with the relationship.

If my husband has a female friend, and he continuously wanted to take her out to lunch and to got to a country concert on the weekends, whereas I'm sitting at home alone, there is a problem.

I'm a tomboy. I get along much better with guys that I do with girls. But with that said, for the sake and RESPECT of my marriage/relationship, there are just some things I do or don't do, and even sacrifice, in order to keep my marriage strong.

I could not, would not, be in a relationship with someone that preferred the companionship of other women over mine. And don't give me any of that "platonic" mumbo jumbo. By all means, have female friends. Talk on the phone a few minutes every once in a while. If you work together, having lunch isn't that big of a deal. But don't go sheduling "platonic" dinners together or activities together, while I'm sitting at home with the kids. That isn't "platonic" no matter how much one tries to justify it.

I'll be the first one to admit I became really close friends with a coworker vet tech while at my former employment. I wasn't married yet, but was engaged. I realized that my friendship with this other guy was a bit strong, and I realized that there was a mutual attraction. So I backed off and cooled the friendship to a more coworker-type of aquaintance. Did I just throw away a friendship? No. I was responsible and respectful enough to stop anything before anything could start.

The thing about men and women is, that unless one of them is homosexual, there is usually an underlying attraction of some sort that plays a part in that bond of friendship-even platonic ones. And sadly, not everyone is smart enough (or willing) to back off when things start going in a different direction.

I'm all for having friends. But I'm also all for not sitting underneath the tree of knowledge staring and drooling at the apple hanging above my head (aka keeping onesself away from temptation).
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  #39  
Old 05-04-2012, 09:39 PM
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Renee750il Renee750il is offline
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Originally Posted by sillysally View Post
Me too.

I trust my husband completely, but I don't trust most other women as far as I can throw them.....
Quote:
Originally Posted by PlottMom View Post
Ding ding ding!!! Sounds like we're on the same page. Lol
Exactly.

Been there, seen it, watched it happen to friends (sometimes the friend was the guy who was getting worked) and the bottom line is, no matter how much guys protest that they "understand women" and "know what is going on" they don't. No straight man will EVER understand the behaviors of manipulative barracudas.
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  #40  
Old 05-04-2012, 09:42 PM
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sillysally sillysally is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Miakoda View Post
If I have a male friend, that I prefer to going out to eat with and seeing movies with and all that jazz over the company of my husband, then there is definitely an issue with the relationship.

If my husband has a female friend, and he continuously wanted to take her out to lunch and to got to a country concert on the weekends, whereas I'm sitting at home alone, there is a problem.

I'm a tomboy. I get along much better with guys that I do with girls. But with that said, for the sake and RESPECT of my marriage/relationship, there are just some things I do or don't do, and even sacrifice, in order to keep my marriage strong.

I could not, would not, be in a relationship with someone that preferred the companionship of other women over mine. And don't give me any of that "platonic" mumbo jumbo. By all means, have female friends. Talk on the phone a few minutes every once in a while. If you work together, having lunch isn't that big of a deal. But don't go sheduling "platonic" dinners together or activities together, while I'm sitting at home with the kids. That isn't "platonic" no matter how much one tries to justify it.

I'll be the first one to admit I became really close friends with a coworker vet tech while at my former employment. I wasn't married yet, but was engaged. I realized that my friendship with this other guy was a bit strong, and I realized that there was a mutual attraction. So I backed off and cooled the friendship to a more coworker-type of aquaintance. Did I just throw away a friendship? No. I was responsible and respectful enough to stop anything before anything could start.

The thing about men and women is, that unless one of them is homosexual, there is usually an underlying attraction of some sort that plays a part in that bond of friendship-even platonic ones. And sadly, not everyone is smart enough (or willing) to back off when things start going in a different direction.

I'm all for having friends. But I'm also all for not sitting underneath the tree of knowledge staring and drooling at the apple hanging above my head (aka keeping onesself away from temptation).
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