So, ladies...

Originally Posted by RD

Because this isn't about me or my boyfriend - it's a hypothetical question for those on the board.

It seemed very specific to be just a hypothetical, and my response wasn't meant to be condescending at all.

[Shai]

Originally Posted by SevenSins

Perhaps the person isn't even consciously aware that she's making someone feel like they're being snubbed. This is something I would sit down and communicate with my SO about. Ask if he can talk to his friend and see what the problem is, if there actually is one to begin with.

Yeah that was part of my point.

Originally Posted by SevenSins

Omigosh, totally! I bought my besties the cutest Nutty Buddies, like, EVER and we totally kicked it this one day and painted them with matching stars and hearts and THPARKLIES! *squee*

(*shudder* Off to redeem my manhood by doing masculine things like eating shards of glass and washing my hair with used motor oil and sand...)

Well played sir.

[M&M's Mommy]

I have an opposite question.. WWYD if your SO is totally disinterested in your friends despite their efforts to make friend with him?

A hypothetically question for a generic you, of course.

I think it's ideal if you like all your SO's friends & vice versa & that all your friends mutually like each other! But in reality, your SO may have a friend you can't stand, or in reverse, his friend just doesn't like you, and your friends doesn't like him, etc... I think as long as this friend doesn't do anything outwardly disrespectful to you, your SO or your relationship - I'd let it go.

One thing to keep in mind is people perceive things differently. So what you perceive as "disinterest" on your SO's friend part may not be what she's trying to project. Anyway, just a little story of my own.. My husband is a very quite person. He's introvert, and doesn't like to be in a crowd. If you take him to a social event where he didn't know anyone before hand, he'll leave that way, without making any effort to make new friends. It takes him quite some times to get to know someone new. All our mutual friends were my friends at first When I first introduced him to my friends, everyone thought he was unfriendly & hated them & because of that, hated him! I had to be a mediator trying to get my husband to socialize more, while asking my friends for their patience & acceptance to take him the way he is. A few years down the road, my friends all like him better than they do me, now LOL.

So I would definitely talk to my SO about it, let him know about how I think/feel about/perceive the situation not to ask him to leave his friend but to see if he can help, or at least be aware of my feelings just to avoid awkward situations that may have arised when the two of us are in close proximity to each other before we can find ways to be friend to each other

[sparks19]

Absolutely, talk to your SO about it if you have an issue with it. It's all about trust of course. I trust my husband with the very deepest parts of my heart and soul and vice versa and I'm glad we don't have these kinds of issues. I'm glad we don't play these kinds of games. if one of us has an issue... we talk about it and take the nessecary steps to fix it.

it helps, I suppose, that we moved to this area together so pretty much all our friends are mutual friends. I have my moms group friends but we often have family gatherings and there has never been an issue with people snubbing anothers spouse.

I just don't like games whether it be with my SO or with my friends. I had enough of the "I don't like your boyfriend so I'm going to trash talk him to you and refuse to be around him" in highschool... I dont' have that kind of time to play those kinds of games now as an adult. I'm a zero drama kind of person. Just be friendly.

[sparks19]

Originally Posted by M&M's Mommy

I have an opposite question.. WWYD if your SO is totally disinterested in your friends despite their efforts to make friend with him?

A hypothetically question for a generic you, of course.

I would have to have a serious talk with him about why he couldn't be bothered to put out the effort to at least be civil with my friends.

You don't have to be best friends with everyone but if people are friendly to you... you should have the decency to be friendly back. if you can't do that than I have to wonder what kind of person you are that you can't show basic decency to others. It doesn't take much to show a basic kindness to others and that is something very important to me.

[sillysally]

Originally Posted by PlottMom

I'd get rid of her.


(yes, I realize how psychopathic that sounds. I stand by it.)

I am wayyyy to nosy to let el boyfriendo have female friends that I also cannot hang out & get along with.

Me too.

I trust my husband completely, but I don't trust most other women as far as I can throw them, and one who wanted to gave a friendship *only* with him? No ma'am, why borrow trouble? BTW, I'm totally cool with him having the same standard for me.....

[Fran101]

I would ignore it. Maybe talk to my SO about it.. but if I truly do trust my partner, then really..who cares if she doesn't like me? As long as she isn't mean or cruel or do anything TO ME other than just ignoring/cold shoulder stuff..then whatever. And as long as their time hanging out doesn't interfere with my time with him and common courtesy is used when hanging out with her (telling me in advance so I can make plans with my friends, not canceling on me etc..)

My guy friends almost NEVER like guys I date. and usually, the treatment of them goes from cold shoulder to worse... but these guys are my brothers. and if I was dating a guy who was so insecure he couldn't deal with a few of my friends not liking him or wanted ME to give up my friends
he would be gone. fast.

If I really trusted my partner and he really trusted me... Friends of the opposite sex shouldn't be a problem IMO

and either way, my friends are sacred to me so anybody who asked me to give them up in the name of insecurities or not trusting me like I'm some kind of cat in heat would be out the door in a heartbeat.

Drama/cruel acts/actually ACTING out on her hatred is a whole nother issue. I am not going to deal with drama with friends or a crazy person..
but just cold shoulder ignoring little rude stuff? whatever. I'd deal with it.

[sparks19]

For me... It's just too much effort to juggle those who can't get along. I don't want to feel like I am walking in eggshells with people I should be comfortable with.

But I am also not an Overly great friend lol. I don't call much. I din't plan girls nights out. So on and so forth. I keep company with other women who are as busy as I am lol so they completely understand that I don't have the time or desire to spend an hour on the phone and such.

[Paige]

The only issue I'd have is downright rude behavior. I would not like Tyler being treated that by one of my friends. I would hope he'd feel the same way. I currently don't know most of the people he hangs out with. Lots of them are female. Zero craps are given.

[PlottMom]

Originally Posted by sillysally

I trust my husband completely, but I don't trust most other women as far as I can throw them

Ding ding ding!!! Sounds like we're on the same page. Lol