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  #31  
Old 05-01-2012, 03:26 PM
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I was always striving for perfect grades for my own reasons. I wanted to do my best. I took it a bit over the top, though. I would cry if I got anything less than an A (and that includes an A-).

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Originally Posted by sparks19 View Post
I agree with both of these.

I wouldn't pay for grades. heck I wouldn't pay for doing chores either... at least not the basic chores. extra things like volunteering to mow the lawn or shovel the driveway maybe but not sweeping and doing the dishes. those are things that are expected in a household and all family members need to contribute to because it's the right thing to do... not because you get paid for them

The same with grades. I wouldn't pay for grades. Hannah will be expected to do her VERY best and sometimes your "very best" is not always A+ material. I wouldn't punish her for trying as HARD as she could and then not coming up with an A. When I was in school I tried... LORD how I tried but A's were just not int he cards for me no matter how hard I tried. The way they taught in school just didn't work for me. It was more confusing to me than anything and I really struggled. I think there may have been a bit of dyslexia at play there because one of the things I struggled with the MOST was the concept of left and right and in math I REALLY struggled with rounding numbers up and down... simplest thing but the way my brain worked and the way it was taught it was a totally lost concept on me. it wasn't until one of the hockey players that we had boarding with us sat down with me and explained it in a different way that it really suddenly clicked and made sense to me.

What is more important to me is that Hannah try her very best in everything she does. not that she be successful at everything she ever does. there are just going to be some things she isn't good at and THAT IS OK! I will not punish her for not being good at something or for struggling with something and if there is something she doesn't understand I will do my very best to teach it a different way until we find what works for her.

Now that's not to say she'll never be rewarded. She absolutely will if she tries her best but it's not going to be something she'll come to EXPECT. It will be a nice surprise like "hey you did a GREAT job on that project... why don't we go out for ice cream to celebrate" or something like that or "Thank you for taking the intiative to do that extra work. here is a few extra bucks on your allowance" but I want her to take pride in her work and not just do it for the reward. I want her pride to be her reward
Great post, Tanya.
For the short time I actually got an allowance, it was only for being a real help around the house. I remember complaining to my mom that the other kids got allowance for cleaning their rooms. She said, "Nope. Cleaning your room is something you should be doing, and I'm not going to pay you for your standard responsibilities."


All the comments about different methods for different kids are good points. It wasn't the point of this thread, but I will say in the example of my OP, it DOES upset me, because one of the daughters has a severe learning disability. She'll study and study and do her best but she very rarely gets As. So the other kids get rewards and she gets yelled at, even though she puts in the most effort. If I got a bad grade on an assignment and showed it to my mom, she would always ask me if I did my best, because that was the most important thing.
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  #32  
Old 05-01-2012, 03:30 PM
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All the comments about different methods for different kids are good points. It wasn't the point of this thread, but I will say in the example of my OP, it DOES upset me, because one of the daughters has a severe learning disability. She'll study and study and do her best but she very rarely gets As. So the other kids get rewards and she gets yelled at, even though she puts in the most effort. If I got a bad grade on an assignment and showed it to my mom, she would always ask me if I did my best, because that was the most important thing.
Another case of where paying the kid $3/day to go to after school tutoring or dessert after dinner for clearly written notes or the chance to choose a movie rental on Friday if she did her homework for the whole week would probably lead to better grades faster than $20 for an A on a test.

I see a lot of my kids give up around halfway through each quarter. They realize that it is impossible to get an A or B or often a C, and figure there's no difference between a 64% F and a 30% F (except that they get a lot more free time to play video games or hang out with friends if they don't care at all any more). With the rewards for the baby steps, there's no reason to give up along the way. They can always earn the daily dollar for taking notes in class, even if they didn't understand last week's topic.
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  #33  
Old 05-01-2012, 03:47 PM
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Another case of where paying the kid $3/day to go to after school tutoring or dessert after dinner for clearly written notes or the chance to choose a movie rental on Friday if she did her homework for the whole week would probably lead to better grades faster than $20 for an A on a test.

I see a lot of my kids give up around halfway through each quarter. They realize that it is impossible to get an A or B or often a C, and figure there's no difference between a 64% F and a 30% F (except that they get a lot more free time to play video games or hang out with friends if they don't care at all any more). With the rewards for the baby steps, there's no reason to give up along the way. They can always earn the daily dollar for taking notes in class, even if they didn't understand last week's topic.
Yeah, that's a great idea, Cali. Unfortunately the mother in question doesn't really care. MY mom was helping this girl study. Her own mom doesn't even know where she is half the time. But that's another topic.
She loves me, though, maybe I can bring up that topic to her in a nice way?
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  #34  
Old 05-01-2012, 03:53 PM
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My mother rewarded good effort with something like buying us a book that interested us or would take us and do something extra special. It didn't matter if it was an A or a C. She rewarded the hard work not the end result.
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  #35  
Old 05-01-2012, 03:57 PM
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I didn't get money for good grades... because good grades were expected (or at the very least doing our very best and considering I was home schooled my mom knew when I wasn't doing my very best)

I don't think I'd pay my kid if she/he got good grades, just seems a bit weird to me. lol
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  #36  
Old 05-01-2012, 04:26 PM
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When I tried negotiating some kind of tangible reward, my Dad would say, "Virtue is it's own reward." I got absolutely no where with him.

I don't see anything wrong though with giving a reward for success. It's the natural way things work. You do a good job, you get paid...when you're old enough to have a job. So, a good job in school and a reward for it makes sense to me. Whatever is very valued by the individual kid or their age...whatever.

I also had chores and an allowance. Only when I did a job that was "over and above the call of duty," as my Dad put it, did I get paid something more than my allowance. I did pretty much the same thing with my kids. That way, they learn that there are some things you just do because you're part of a family and everyone needs to chip in and do his part, but they learn too, that if they do more than that, more than what's expected...an extra hard or special job, they can earn money for their work. (when they're the age where money matters. Or it could be some other special treat when they're really young)
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  #37  
Old 05-01-2012, 05:02 PM
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Originally Posted by CaliTerp07 View Post
He does not care about grades, his brain is not developed enough to understand that his algebra grade is going to haunt his transcript for the rest of his academic career, and he doesn't see a point to math.

My motivator from elementary school on was getting into a good college. Many, many kids don't have that internal desire.

Ideally, everyone would love to learn for the sake of learning, or would have long term career/life goals that they were working towards as they completed their classwork. This is not the ideal world though.
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What really DOES work is paying for the steps along the way that should get the better grades at the end of the day anyway.

The vast majority of kids in junior high/high school don't fully understand the connection between actions and effects.
Plus, then you're really paying them for developing good skills, as opposed to rewarding kids for being "smart".
I completely agree with all these points. For some people, getting into college was motivation enough, and for others, that's not a priority. Kids and teens brains are still developing, and it's difficult for them to see that actions here and now are going to have consequences for them 5-6 years down the road, and possibly for the rest of their lives. I know, because I was this kid. Grades 8-10 I hated school, didn't see the point, rolled my eyes about everything... Then, in grade 11, something seemed to click and I graduated with straight A's and won several academic awards. I was suddenly motivated by the fact that hey, I want to go to university and get a good career so I can buy a house. Sounds simplistic, but I found something to motivate me and that pushed me to get good grades. I do wish my parents had found a way to motivate me earlier, because now I am dealing with the consequences of not taking school seriously until the senior years. I didn't continue with math or sciences, and now that I can better wrap my head around what I want in the future, I immensely regret not taking those courses.

One thing I found was that as soon as I got a few good grades back, and as soon as I saw good marks coming back on tests, that ignited a new motivation for me. After years of seeing Cs, to suddenly get an A felt awesome, and after that just the feeling of getting back a good mark became a huge motivator for me. So if a child is consistently getting poor marks, it is very possible that working hard and seeing proof that they are capable of an A can kickstart them into working hard for more of them.

Since kids often cannot make the connection between good grades now, better chances of a good career and more money later, I don't think it's wrong for parents to reward good behaviours at a young age, and to treat their kids for improvement in their grades.
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  #38  
Old 05-01-2012, 05:02 PM
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Originally Posted by Whisper View Post
For the short time I actually got an allowance, it was only for being a real help around the house. I remember complaining to my mom that the other kids got allowance for cleaning their rooms. She said, "Nope. Cleaning your room is something you should be doing, and I'm not going to pay you for your standard responsibilities."
This too! My mum always said that chores were a part of living in the house and they were expected of me. If I didn't like contributing I could leave! However, she would give me a bit of money if I helped her tackle something major, like painting the living room or something.
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  #39  
Old 05-01-2012, 05:19 PM
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Yes I see absolutely nothing wrong with motivating and rewarding kids. Reqarding is as important.. Maybe more important than disciplining them (although i think there needs to be a good balance between the two). Rewarding kids for a job well done or for proper behaviour is very important.

I guess my issue is the idea of rewarding only a grade but that grade doesn't really tell who the person is or how hard they worked or didn't work. I want hannah to know and understand that it's OK to not be good at everything and it's ok to fail sometimes. Failing is important. Learning to accept that failing is a part of life is important.
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  #40  
Old 05-01-2012, 05:20 PM
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I got money for good grades, too, but it wasn't on a consistent basis, and it wasn't a guaranteed "you get $20 per A" thing. I never felt disappointed or let down if I didn't get money, as I already got a small allowance from my parents.

My grandpa was usually the one to give me money or a gift for an outstanding report card.
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