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Old 05-19-2012, 04:41 PM
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Man placed his hand on your 12 yr girl's knee on the inside and front while he leaned in to speak to her (telling her she is lying) would you find this a red flag? What would you think if you found out he has done this many times? He leans in and has direct eye contact, about a foot from your face at the same time. My jaw dropped, I know I did not like it at all and have reported it. What I want to know is if anyone else thinks that is way inappropriate?
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Old 05-19-2012, 04:47 PM
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I think that's getting inside personal boundries quite a bit and it would make me intensly uncomfortable if it happened to me, never mind if I was 12.
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Old 05-19-2012, 04:52 PM
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I told her I don't care if it is a police officer, a doctor, anyone, all she has to say is "that is inappropriate please do not touch me" and remove herself to the nearest adult and tell them why. YOU do not have to let ANYONE make you feel uncomfortable like that. I don't like it, not one bit. I have reported it and am glad she will not be seeing him ever again.
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Old 05-19-2012, 05:28 PM
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I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing or a red flag or that the person meant anything wrong by the gesture.. BUT I do think it's important to teach that if you EVER feel uncomfortable by that kind of thing, it's ok to say so and remove yourself from the situation.

I went to a small private school and our academic counselor was really huggy, our school is the type is pre-k to high school so more chances then not, he had known us basically our entire lives.
He never meant anything sexual or wrong with it, but when I was around that 12ish age, for some reason all of a sudden I didn't know what to do and hugging him made me uncomfortable. I said so and told my parents, we all spoke together and everyone got to explain their feelings.. he profusely apologized, my parents and I got to talk to him about it and get it all out in the open so it wasn't awkward and now, we laugh about it lol

just saying, regardless of the situation..there is nothing wrong with saying that you are uncomfortable and teaching kids what to do if they do feel that way.
It isn't burning bridges and in cases where it is just a misunderstanding, like mine was, getting it all out in the open helps things smooth over much faster and creates a safer school environment for all
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Old 05-19-2012, 06:40 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fran101 View Post
I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing or a red flag or that the person meant anything wrong by the gesture.. BUT I do think it's important to teach that if you EVER feel uncomfortable by that kind of thing, it's ok to say so and remove yourself from the situation.

I went to a small private school and our academic counselor was really huggy, our school is the type is pre-k to high school so more chances then not, he had known us basically our entire lives.
He never meant anything sexual or wrong with it, but when I was around that 12ish age, for some reason all of a sudden I didn't know what to do and hugging him made me uncomfortable. I said so and told my parents, we all spoke together and everyone got to explain their feelings.. he profusely apologized, my parents and I got to talk to him about it and get it all out in the open so it wasn't awkward and now, we laugh about it lol

just saying, regardless of the situation..there is nothing wrong with saying that you are uncomfortable and teaching kids what to do if they do feel that way.
It isn't burning bridges and in cases where it is just a misunderstanding, like mine was, getting it all out in the open helps things smooth over much faster and creates a safer school environment for all
This. Coming from somebody who has been there, if he meant anything, it wouldn't have stopped at that
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Old 05-19-2012, 07:16 PM
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Whether he meant anything further by it or not, I think it's completely inappropriate. Heck, if two adults were in a business meeting and one did this to the other it most likely would be seen as unacceptable. Why, then, would it be ok for an adult in a position of authority to do it to a child?
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Old 05-19-2012, 07:27 PM
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Well because adult-child relationships often inspire some kind of nurturing impulse and some people pair touching with nurturing... business meetings, are, well, business.

I totally agree with Fran. He may be a creep but he didn't necessarily mean anything by it. Unless he was actually going for her inner thigh I don't think we can say he's a molester, that wouldn't be fair. But if she says she's uncomfortable he must back off immediately and refrain from doing it again.
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Old 05-19-2012, 07:30 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Xandra View Post
Well because adult-child relationships often inspire some kind of nurturing impulse and some people pair touching with nurturing... business meetings, are, well, business.
A meeting with a school counselor is business, IMO. And my point was more that I don't expect children to tolerate any type of touch that I wouldn't tolerate myself, if it makes them uncomfortable.

Quote:
I totally agree with Fran. He may be a creep but he didn't necessarily mean anything by it. Unless he was actually going for her inner thigh I don't think we can say he's a molester, that wouldn't be fair. But if she says she's uncomfortable he must back off immediately and refrain from doing it again.
Nobody has said he's a molester. But IMO that kind of touch between an adult and a child is inappropriate regardless of what he meant by it.
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Old 05-19-2012, 07:42 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fran101 View Post
I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing or a red flag or that the person meant anything wrong by the gesture.. BUT I do think it's important to teach that if you EVER feel uncomfortable by that kind of thing, it's ok to say so and remove yourself from the situation.
I went to a small private school and our academic counselor was really huggy, our school is the type is pre-k to high school so more chances then not, he had known us basically our entire lives.
He never meant anything sexual or wrong with it, but when I was around that 12ish age, for some reason all of a sudden I didn't know what to do and hugging him made me uncomfortable. I said so and told my parents, we all spoke together and everyone got to explain their feelings.. he profusely apologized, my parents and I got to talk to him about it and get it all out in the open so it wasn't awkward and now, we laugh about it lol

just saying, regardless of the situation..there is nothing wrong with saying that you are uncomfortable and teaching kids what to do if they do feel that way.
I also agree with Jesslough, I think it would have went farther if he meant something by it. I have touched many people's thighs or arm while taking to them during the years.
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Last edited by eddieq; 05-21-2012 at 12:50 PM.
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Old 05-19-2012, 07:43 PM
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Got to agree with Sass on this. In a school setting where it's prohibited for even FIRST graders to share a hug, (which I find sad BTW) a grown man putting a hand on the leg of a 12 year old girl and moving in close to her space like that IS inappropriate. Doesn't matter if he had ill intent........it's inappropriate behavior.
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