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Old 04-25-2012, 09:44 PM
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Default Advice re: church groups

Okay so I decided I need some more social life outside of dog training and work. So I decided to join a church with an active singles group. I found one I like but have run into a problem.... there's two groups and I don't fit in perfectly with either.

The first is called the 'transitions' group. The age is generally 21-25 with a few people a bit older or younger. I am 25 so older than most of the people. They're really great people, very welcoming, very active and fun. Some of the people are grad students, a couple undergrad, and some either didn't go to school, went to a 2 year program, or are out. Many still live with their parents or room mates and I feel like a lot of the time we're talking about exams and school. There's also the fact that they can hang out a lot later than I can and often meet at weird times for their service projects- like at 5:30 which is impossible with my hours and commute (and not to mention the dogs). I like them but it's hard to relate sometimes since I'm not in school, working full time, live by myself, etc. I just feel OLD around them lol. There's a couple people working full time 'career' jobs though so I'm not the only one but I'm in the vast minority.

The other group is called the 'young professionals' and they're generally in their 30s to older. There are a couple people in their late 20s there but most are older and early to mid thirties. They're generally all pretty established in their careers (I'm only out of school one year). Dont' seem as active as the first group but they do some things together. They also don't seem to do as many fun things like camping trips and such.

I've visited both groups and am just not sure which to continue going to. And it seems bad to me because I keep thinking that as much as I love the girls from the first group, the guys seem way too young for me. Now, I shouldn't choose a church group based on the potential of the boys, right? I'm at such an awkward place in my life. Especially because I am the youngest at work, everyone else is married or at least in a very committed relationship, and many have kids. So in that aspect I feel like maybe I'm just not used to being around people my age anymore. Most the people I hang out with are 28-34.

So... which one?
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Old 04-25-2012, 09:52 PM
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I would go with the younger group.
The girls are fun! and guys live shorter lives anyway sooo... a little younger is never a bad thing! lol even things out :P

Plus, as far as feeling old/not fitting in, you have been through all the things they are talking about pretty recently and they will be in your shoes soon! I think there is much more common ground there than with people who are much older

I find being around the married/babies bunch sometimes to be totally un-relatable.. especially when it's a group of women. Sometimes it's fun and great! but I once sat through a 30 minute conversation on breast feeding..
at least if I was kicking it with people in high school I would've had something to say! lol
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Old 04-25-2012, 09:55 PM
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Haha I am so used to the breast feeding conversations and that kind of thing. Today's big mom conversation was about choosing a kindergarten. Yeah I guess it would be nice to have some people to talk to that aren't all about their kids all the time. I always feel stupid coming into the kid conversations and talking about Mia. I am very guilty of that.
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Old 04-25-2012, 09:58 PM
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What about talking to the older people in the first group about maybe setting up an offshoot group yourselves?
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Old 04-25-2012, 10:05 PM
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I would Probably try to check out some other groups in the area if there are any. When we were looking for a church for a lOng time but I didn't want to settle for one that felt just O.K. So we searched and searched and finally found the perfect church. As soon as I set foot in this church (wasn't even thete for anything church related... It was a moms group playdate) i knew it was exactly the place we had been searching for. So I would search around and see if there are any other groups that you might feel more comfortable in.

If there are no other options, i would go with the first one. Just from the way you write about it it seems like you are more comfortable in that group
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Old 04-25-2012, 10:12 PM
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I think I personally would go with the older group. I've always tended to get along with a crowd older than me anyway, even when I was in high school, I was the "cool freshman." =P And yeah, I would probably feel old in the other group too LOL. Just being in a different stage and all. So I dunno.
It is hard when you're at that kinda awkward "transition" phase though. Like I'm not married either, but I'm too old and uhhh settled? for the college kids... I like to go out late and have a good time but I can't do it often and really only on weekends... X_X *crotchety old fogey*

And I gotta be honest, I wouldn't be down with dating a college boy either. That whole being in different places in your life thing. So I'd go for the older group thinking if not one of them they probably have some nice friends... maybe it IS wrong to think that way but I totally would haha.
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Old 04-25-2012, 10:18 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Beanie View Post
I think I personally would go with the older group. I've always tended to get along with a crowd older than me anyway, even when I was in high school, I was the "cool freshman." =P And yeah, I would probably feel old in the other group too LOL. Just being in a different stage and all. So I dunno.
It is hard when you're at that kinda awkward "transition" phase though. Like I'm not married either, but I'm too old and uhhh settled? for the college kids... I like to go out late and have a good time but I can't do it often and really only on weekends... X_X *crotchety old fogey*

And I gotta be honest, I wouldn't be down with dating a college boy either. That whole being in different places in your life thing. So I'd go for the older group thinking if not one of them they probably have some nice friends... maybe it IS wrong to think that way but I totally would haha.
Oh good it's not just me!

I do like some of the girls in the younger group a lot. One goes to my art teacher (just found that out) and she's SUPER nice. They're already so open about inviting me places and emailing me the plans they have but I just can't make but a fraction of the socials because they're on weeknights. I kind of feel bad telling them I want to try some other groups since they've been SO friendly.

I have thought about making my own group. My friend was telling me that is what she did when she and her husband had their first kid because the group had really started splintering based on people with kids and people without just wanting to be doing different kinds of activities.

I do feel like this is the right church though. I went there previously and it fits better than my old church where there was NO young unmarried people at all. Overall it's been great for my social life but I just am not sure where I fit exactly.
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Old 04-25-2012, 11:21 PM
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I would go with the younger group, but in general I tend to get along better with younger people anyway (which is kind of funny since my lifestyle doesn't really fit that age group). One of my absolute favorite girls from work is a senior in high school, so at the moment we are at pretty different stages in life even though we're not that far apart in age... but most of the things she talks about, I feel like I can at least relate to since it's probably something that I experienced myself not too long ago. It's hard for me to feel like I have anything in common with the married crowd.

But that's just me.
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Old 04-25-2012, 11:34 PM
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Is it possible for you to be in both groups? Sounds like you like the younger crowd better but don't have as many possibilities to socialize with them (ackward schedules); the older group may not be as much fun but you can do more of their activities.

So join both; do what you can with the young guys, and fill in the rest of your time with the older guys.
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Old 04-26-2012, 05:40 AM
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I would go with the older group. I'm sure a church group is far different than a school environment, but I'm older than the majority of people I go to school with and they are SO annoying and immature, I can't believe it! The drama is insane and ugh, I just can't relate to them at all.
I think being in the older group might also help you in the future. People might be able to set you up with a new job, or a hot guy, or even just give better life advice. It also might help you feel more connected to people at work.
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