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  #31  
Old 04-05-2012, 03:41 PM
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yeah it's also true for us. Where I was working before I was making $8 an hour. so paying out for childcare really just did NOT make any sense.

So there are emotional and financial reasons as well as I just feel this was the best choice for us and for Hannah. For example, today we were driving home from our outing today and we had the music up in the van and while I was at a stop light I was watching Hannah in the mirror and she was getting her groove on LOL and I was trying to keep my laughter quiet so she wouldn't hear me LOL and it just made me think about all the stuff I would be missing if I was working full time. I could have missed her first steps, her first word, her first smile etc and I'd be missing out on these little things that happen during our days together. I didn't want to feel like I was missing everything and I knew that's how I would feel. I would be at work being miserable thinking about how much I missed her and wondering what she was doing lol.

I knew that one day when I'm on my death bed I would never regret not working enough but I would regret feeling like I didn't get enough time with my child/family.

I never imagined I would want to be a stay at home mom or that I was even cut out to be one lol but as it got closer to the time where we would be having kids I just knew in my heart it was the right thing for us.

I can always further my education and I can always try to find a job later (provided there is no horrific accident or anything that renders me unable) but I couldn't get these years back.

I put a lot of work and effort into our daily life and my relationship with Hannah and her education and I think it shows.
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  #32  
Old 04-05-2012, 03:42 PM
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Originally Posted by Romy View Post
I think she's talking about the fact that studies exist like this one http://www.cbsnews.com/2100-500172_162-563639.html which say the opposite.
I missed this earlier....

but this is exactly what I was trying to say. One study says kids are fine either way, another study says they aren't... every kid and family is so different that I don't know how there could possibly be a definitive conclusion on either way unless that's how you choose to see it.
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  #33  
Old 04-05-2012, 03:50 PM
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I was making pretty decent money before I had kids, so we did take a hit when I stopped working. I also don't regret staying home, but I do realize that it will effect us when we retire. There was quite a few years of just putting money into 1 401K instead of 2. When I went back to work, I was making way less than if I had stayed working all those years. Still glad I did it, but if I had to do it all over again I think I would have taken a night class here and there during those years so when I went back to work I'd at least have that on my resume.
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  #34  
Old 04-05-2012, 07:57 PM
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I just thought of this and had to post it while it was in my head

There was never a job that I ever LOVED doing and nothing I could think of that I would love doing... Until now

This is the only jOb I have ever had that I truly love

It is the easiest and hardest job i have ever had. Its easy because I truly love every second even when it pushes me to my limits. It makes me a better person
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  #35  
Old 04-05-2012, 09:13 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sparks19 View Post
I just thought of this and had to post it while it was in my head

There was never a job that I ever LOVED doing and nothing I could think of that I would love doing... Until now

This is the only jOb I have ever had that I truly love

It is the easiest and hardest job i have ever had. Its easy because I truly love every second even when it pushes me to my limits. It makes me a better person


To be honest, I really loved being a nanny. The kids were so awesome to work with, but in the end I really wanted to have that kind of interaction with my OWN children.
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  #36  
Old 04-06-2012, 10:31 AM
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I think it would be more difficult to be a working mother, personally. Not only do you have to go to work all day, but then you'd have to come home and take care of everything around the house AND the child. As a stay at home mom, at least you have a longer amount of time to get everything done.

Not to say being a SAHM is easy (I think BOTH are difficult!), but unless you have a nanny and a housekeeper, going to work would make things more complicated.

I'm going to be a SAHM when we have children, unless I try it and absolutely hate it (which I doubt I'd hate it!). For me, it's important for the mother (or father!) to be home with their young children UNLESS they just can't afford it. Of course, the mother's happiness is most important since it affects the child. If she really disliked being at home then she would be better suited to go back to work.

If I do want to go back to work, we'll get a nanny/house keeper so we wouldn't have to juggle taking care of the house and child once we were home from work.

My mom stayed home with my sister and me until we were in elementary school. I definitely appreciated it.
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  #37  
Old 04-06-2012, 10:36 AM
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I dont think either one is easier or harder really. They are different. WAHM may have to do double duty in a sense (although the father BETTER be doing work around the house too) but they do get a break from it all at work, they get adult time to not be "mommied" to death. I love my children with all my heart, but I admit, even going to the grocery store alone (and I hate grocery shopping) feels like a break sometimes.
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  #38  
Old 04-06-2012, 10:43 AM
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I dont think either one is easier or harder really. They are different. WAHM may have to do double duty in a sense (although the father BETTER be doing work around the house too) but they do get a break from it all at work, they get adult time to not be "mommied" to death. I love my children with all my heart, but I admit, even going to the grocery store alone (and I hate grocery shopping) feels like a break sometimes.
Well, it really depends on what the dad does for a job as well.

Right now, my husband is working ~55-60 hours a week (CPA, tax season) and taking 2 classes for his Master's degree. I've had to pick up a good bit of the house work since he simply does not have time. If I was a working mom right now with little kids, I would get home 2 or 3 hours before him, so it would be up to me to get dinner ready, get the kids bathed and in bed, do the nightly clean up, etc.

After April 17th he goes back down to 40 hours a week and will take over 1/2 of the chores, but he still gets home later than me. Because of this, I generally get the dogs fed and dinner started.

So, as a working mom, adding kids into the equation (without a housekeeper) would be difficult for me. I'd rather concentrate on just staying home with the children rather than having to juggle both.

I do agree that the lack of getting out of the house is kind of scary and can be difficult, but there are so many moms groups and places to take the kids.
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  #39  
Old 04-06-2012, 10:53 AM
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People are sometimes touchy about the whole nanny/housekeeper situation, like it's paying someone to "do the job you're supposed to be doing as a mother"

..which frankly, is a little ridiculous. Why don't people make the same complaints about daycare centers? or clorox wipes? lol

When did being a mother equate to it being your job to clean things? How did that even make the top 10 list of AMAZING THINGS mothers do? How about the part where they RAISE and instill moral values and love upon a child that grows up to be a productive happy creative MEMBER OF SOCIETY?!
but she's not doing it right if she isn't mopping the kitchen floor?.. seriously?

I daresay having someone around to do those things you don't WANT to do (the meaningless house chores etc..) leaves MORE TIME to do the things you want to do and the important stuff.

and as for nannies, I daresay that having someone to watch the kids/be an extra pair of hands/eyes made my parents BETTER.

They were happier, weren't as stressed, they got out when they needed to or felt like they needed a break (without having to call a sitter, which is a whole mess in itself) and we were taken care of by someone who loved us and knew us when our parents needed adult time or couldn't be there.

I'm sure some people do use nannies the "wrong way" (aka: I don't really want to raise my child so I'm going to pay somebody else to do it) but these cases are the extreme, not the norm (like the equivalent of the SAHM that never leaves her house and becomes so obsessed with her child that her life falls apart and has a nervous breakdown everytime her and the child are separated)

Do I love my childhood nanny? Of course I do. She sends me cards, candies, comes to visit, we go over around christmas etc..
but she isn't my mom. Nowhere near it.

No right way to raise a child. There is no handbook.

I wouldn't exchange my childhood for the world personally. Nanny or no I had the kind of parents that make me look back at the way I grew up and want to make a **** musical montage about it lol
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  #40  
Old 04-06-2012, 11:06 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fran101 View Post
People are sometimes touchy about the whole nanny/housekeeper situation, like it's paying someone to "do the job you're supposed to be doing as a mother"

..which frankly, is a little ridiculous. Why don't people make the same complaints about daycare centers? or clorox wipes? lol

When did being a mother equate to it being your job to clean things? How did that even make the top 10 list of AMAZING THINGS mothers do? How about the part where they RAISE and instill moral values and love upon a child that grows up to be a productive happy creative MEMBER OF SOCIETY?!
but she's not doing it right if she isn't mopping the kitchen floor?.. seriously?

I daresay having someone around to do those things you don't WANT to do (the meaningless house chores etc..) leaves MORE TIME to do the things you want to do and the important stuff.

and as for nannies, I daresay that having someone to watch the kids/be an extra pair of hands/eyes made my parents BETTER.

They were happier, weren't as stressed, they got out when they needed to or felt like they needed a break (without having to call a sitter, which is a whole mess in itself) and we were taken care of by someone who loved us and knew us when our parents needed adult time or couldn't be there.

I'm sure some people do use nannies the "wrong way" (aka: I don't really want to raise my child so I'm going to pay somebody else to do it) but these cases are the extreme, not the norm (like the equivalent of the SAHM that never leaves her house and becomes so obsessed with her child that her life falls apart and has a nervous breakdown everytime her and the child are separated)

Do I love my childhood nanny? Of course I do. She sends me cards, candies, comes to visit, we go over around christmas etc..
but she isn't my mom. Nowhere near it.

No right way to raise a child. There is no handbook.

I wouldn't exchange my childhood for the world personally. Nanny or no I had the kind of parents that make me look back at the way I grew up and want to make a **** musical montage about it lol
I agree. There is definitely nothing wrong with a nanny or housekeeper! Like I said, if I decided to go back to work or stay working, that's the ONLY way I'd do it! The last thing I'd want to do is come home from work and have to work some more! I'd want to be able to spend the rest of my night with my child rather than having to do chores!
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