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Old 03-29-2012, 01:47 AM
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Default How well do you know your SO? Do you/did you check?

Without going into the realm of the drama llama would you order a background check/credit check on someone you were in a relationship with? If so, at what point would you? Dating 6 months, 1 year, 2 years? moving in together? engagement? marriage?

Reason I ask is that I know of four marriages where there were some seriously big secrets kept by one party in the relationship that didn't come to knowledge until divorce paperwork was filed in one case after a decade of being together. Big as in kids from previous relationships they didn't tell the current soon to be ex-spouse about, prison time, an extra marriage they "forgot" to tell their spouse about, dishonorable discharges from the military, 350K in debt that the other person wasn't aware of, and buying real estate with a joint account.
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Old 03-29-2012, 05:10 AM
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No, I wouldn't.
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Old 03-29-2012, 06:44 AM
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I wouldn't either.
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Old 03-29-2012, 06:52 AM
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absolutely not. my wife and I both had lives before we were married and we were entitled to them. I trust my ability to get to know people. It wasn't always so good, it's why I didn't get married right away.

I think finding out a potential spouse was hiring a PI or doing background checks or credit checks on me behind my back would do a lot more towards damaging a relationship than finding out they had a child from someone else.
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Old 03-29-2012, 07:37 AM
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This is why I'm so thankful that my husband and I met and married young. (We met in college, and married the year after graduation). Neither of us had any money to complicate things, no time to have had children from prior relationships, no prior marriages, no bankruptcies, etc.

I guess either of us could have had massive debts (he had $30k in student loans, but we were able to pay those off within the year after graduation, thankfully). I don't know--I wouldn't have married him if I had thought there was any chance that he was hiding anything. A marriage is based on trust. Without that, there is no marriage. I don't want to have a paper trail proving he's a good guy--I want to know him so well I have no doubt that he's a good guy.
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Old 03-29-2012, 07:46 AM
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I would not.
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Old 03-29-2012, 07:47 AM
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Originally Posted by release the hounds View Post
absolutely not. my wife and I both had lives before we were married and we were entitled to them.
That.

I married for love and only love, God knows it wasn't money, LOL I love him and I'm very secure and confident in his love for me today just as I was 13 years ago. If there was something he neglected to tell me out of fear, pain, whatever reason, I'm sure we could get through it now like we would have then..........there isn't much I could think of that would ever make me leave his side.

I suppose if he revealed he had bodies buried around the backyard...... LOL
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Old 03-29-2012, 07:49 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by release the hounds View Post
absolutely not. my wife and I both had lives before we were married and we were entitled to them. I trust my ability to get to know people. It wasn't always so good, it's why I didn't get married right away.

I think finding out a potential spouse was hiring a PI or doing background checks or credit checks on me behind my back would do a lot more towards damaging a relationship than finding out they had a child from someone else.
I agree!!

Though being 350k in debt currently is pretty important to a current relationship... But how do you never find out? I mean here at least even a minor joint finaced purchase would mean a credit check... I can't imagine hiding that! I would hope anyone I fell for would be honest enough to tell me, as well as children... I'd be pretty hurt to know my spouse never told me about that.. Though it may take time to get to some of these things depending on the hurt the person has been through...

But to investigate, seems, I don't know... Wrong... I know I'd be pretty pissed if someone did it to me!!!
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Old 03-29-2012, 07:56 AM
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absolutely not. my wife and I both had lives before we were married and we were entitled to them. I trust my ability to get to know people.
Exactly how I feel. I'd never run a background check on a boyfriend or spouse. I wouldn't ever BE with someone I didn't trust completely.

My husband and I have been together since I was 17 and he was 16, so we never had to deal with having money or kids before meeting. I couldn't imagine running a background check on him now! It would be really, really dull anyway.
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Old 03-29-2012, 08:12 AM
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Yah, I can't even imagine feeling the need to do that. If I did, I wouldn't be in the relationship in the first place. And doing it "just in case"...nah, not for me.
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