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  #31  
Old 03-29-2012, 05:19 PM
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Renee had a great post.

It's very important to grieve and allow the process to happen. It's a natural human response.

I know when my boyfriend, of 4 years, and I broke up, I had to do a clean break. We couldn't be friends, we couldn't still talk, it had to all end. By doing it that way, I was able to process and deal with the break-up slowly and allow all the emotions to run their course. And trust me, I went through a million different emotions. But by cutting off contact and communication, I was able to deal with it all one day at a time and just let things be. It was so hard because he was my first serious boyfriend, but he was also my best friend. I think the loss of the close friendship was the worst. To be bluntly honest here, it took me about a year to fully get over him and what was. Oh trust me, I listened to all my "cry it out" music, and I did just that. I'd even have nights where I just indulged in fast food and cried listening to the most depressing songs ever. Sounds corny, but it really did help.

The amazing thing is that we can now talk on the phone about our current lives. I think we made contact about 2 years after the break-up, and although strained, we were able to start talking about the direction our lives were going. We only talk on the phone about once every three months or so, but it's nice to hear his voice and it's nice to know he's happy with a wife and 2 beautiful girls.

It seems like just yesterday, but it all ended in 1998. And yet, I still don't want to see him face-to-face.

One thing I've learned is that you must say good-bye to one thing in order to say hello to another. Life will go on. You will go on. You'll have days where life seems to be a-ok. You'll have other days where you lie in bed and wonder what the hell happened and what you could have done to change things (answer is: nothing!). This is all normal, so please don't be so hard on yourself.

I look back on my relationship with a smile and a warm feeling inside. Now I can see the good things and good times, and even more important, I can see where that relationship helped me to become the person I am today. And you'll get there. Most of us have been there and we came out alright.
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  #32  
Old 03-29-2012, 05:49 PM
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I feel your pain. I went through something similar on Valentine's Day of 2010. My boyfriend at the time, Andy, and I spent the day together, and then I went to work like normal. Then that night, he called me and broke up with me over the phone! Said he didn't love me and that I shouldn't love him. But that he "still wants to be friends." I couldn't just be friends with him. It hurt to even think about being around him after that. I cut ties with him completely. And then I just cried and stayed miserable for about 3 months. I locked myself in my house except for when I was working or taking my dogs outside. Occasionally, my friends would come over to "cheer me up" even though I didn't want to cheer up. But now, I really appreciate their efforts.

I can't believe how much that breakup effected my entire life. My co-workers told me I had become a zombie at work... I think at that point I started to snap out of it. The threat of losing my job got my attention, and I forced myself to be stronger for work. I was working at a grooming salon with a bunch of other girls, and it was then that my workplace became my very own support group, and they really helped me get over my grieving for Andy, just by being there and letting me vent about it each day.

And then I met someone else, and after a while I made it public that I was finally happy again. Andy saw that I was happy with someone else and tried to come crawling back. But I will never trust him again. Not even as a friend. He hurt me too much and I told him that. It hurts still, thinking about it. So when I read your post, I literally felt your pain. Cry as much as you need to. Get it all out. It really does help. I'm sorry you have to go through this. But it will get better eventually. You'll be in my thoughts.
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  #33  
Old 03-30-2012, 06:14 PM
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hun, im sooooo sorry you are going through this it really sucks

The one thing I can say is let yourself get mad, grieve, go outside and scream at trees if you want too...

coming from experience, the worst thing you can do is bottle up your feelings and think about what you could have done differently. Sometimes no matter you could have done differently would have changed the outcome.

coming from the heart, no matter what happens don't let yourself become bitter over it like I did, in the end its not worth it...

(((hugs)))
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  #34  
Old 03-30-2012, 06:42 PM
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Just wanted to echo everybody's (((hugs))) here. There are a lot of wise folks who have given you wonderful advice. You're going to be all right, even if it doesn't feel that way for a long time.

((((hugs))))
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  #35  
Old 03-31-2012, 04:07 AM
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Just wanted to say thank you for all the advice and thoughts.I tried not to read it yesterday as it was making me sob....well everything does.
Yesterday was better,my friend who stayed left and then another came over.She MADE me talk,and it was good to actually talk.Feel like I got things a bit more clear in my head.
Me and him spoke again,this time without me breaking down.I mainly wanted to try and understand why,what I got from him was that he was confused,and felt like he wanted to tell me it was over so I could move on and have a clear answer.But that inside he is not sure what he wants.To me it sounds like we need some physical space apart, to focus on being ourselves and then maybe we can look constructively at the relationship was,and if we still want it.
I feel more certain now that I need to just be strong and calm and hold up,not wait for him but focus on myself and see how I can feel.
Im still upset jt came to this,I never expected it to be easy to stay with someone who u met so young,but I didnt expect for us to not want to solve things together....no matter how odd the solution.
Its hard,I have rescue remedy and that seems to keep me from sobbing every hour.However I'm on very strong antibiotics so I'm in bed feeling ill ill ill.
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  #36  
Old 03-31-2012, 04:09 AM
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Today I'm going for a dog walk with the lady who's dog I walk.Then I think I will go and buy some books and make up and stuff.My mum is home tonight,I think I may have to speak to her as much as I don't want to it might help.
If anyone read all of that.....I praise thee.It feels good to write and write
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  #37  
Old 03-31-2012, 04:14 AM
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Hun. Go and buy yourself "He's just not that into you" it helped me dump a massively toxic back and forth relationship and move on. It teaches you so much about self worth and independence.
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  #38  
Old 03-31-2012, 04:16 AM
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Oh....sorry that came in to posts,my mobile wouldn't let me write any more charecters.
Question how long will this "not hungry" feeling last.I am worried now,I have No interstate in food and THAT is soooooo not me.I have lost 1/2 a stone.
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  #39  
Old 03-31-2012, 04:18 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by puppydog View Post
Hun. Go and buy yourself "He's just not that into you" it helped me dump a massively toxic back and forth relationship and move on. It teaches you so much about self worth and independence.
Is that book made out of questions to the agony aunt guy?
I think I've read it,and watches the film.I should probably be stern and implement that.Right now I don't feel up to that,I feel too emotionally drained.
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  #40  
Old 03-31-2012, 04:38 AM
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It is a book written by a man about what men think. You don't have to implement anything. Just read it and let it change how you think. It worked for me.
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