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Old 03-13-2012, 05:46 AM
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Default I'm scared to fall asleep, ever again. I don't know what to do, what's wrong...

I'm sorry this will be long. I'm shaking, I'm terrified, and I have nowhere else to turn. I can't keep waking Ryan up with this.

Throughout the night, I've been suffering the worst episodes of sleep paralysis, accompanied by the most realistic, horrifying nightmares I have ever had, which is saying a lot from me.

I've woken up fighting for air after finally unsticking myself from the bed after what felt like hours of trying to wake up, trying to move, say anything to get my boyfriend's attention and let him know something is not okay.

I turned a light on after the second one. I fought my hardest to stay awake, but I fell asleep. The nightmares, all of them, every time, start with me paralyzed in bed, they feel so real. You don't understand - I honestly thought, every nightmare beginning, every time, that I was really in my bed trying to wake up. Then, something would happen. Someone would scream, someone would try to rape me, kill me, someone I knew and trusted. I couldn't scream, I couldn't move.


Last night, I couldn't sleep either. The same thing happened, only the nightmares weren't present. The auditory was. I heard screaming, I heard talking. I swear I felt myself talking to my boyfriend, but I turned and he wasn't there.

I'm sitting here with the biggest mug of coffee I could find in the pantry, as strong as I could tolerate, because I'm so scared to hit the pillow again. I'm scared for this to happen again. I'm scared for everyone to leave me alone here today, because if I fall asleep, no one will be here.


I just needed to vent. You guys have always been there for my crap before so I figured, why not? Maybe I'm rambling. I feel like I haven't fallen asleep at all. The sleeping is literally taking energy from me, that's how it feels at this point.


ETA: I need to mention something about these dreams and the way they are behaving - these dreams...they aren't skipping around like normal dreams. The time sequences don't jump like normal dreams. Everything feels real, like it is happening in an extremely, realistically linear way. Dreams should not do this. This is not how dreams act. How they should act. Dreams can feel like they go on for hours, sure, but mine usually don't, and are usually noticeably short and skippy, while these...these nightmares, they feel like they just never end. They feel like they go on from the time I fall asleep to the time I wake up (according to the clock, about an hour and a half each session). That is, in part, another thing that is extremely terrifying to me.
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Old 03-13-2012, 06:37 AM
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Go to the Dr and ask for anti anxiety meds.
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Old 03-13-2012, 07:37 AM
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((((((superhugs))))) That sounds awful. I don't really have anything to help though, I'm sorry.
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Old 03-13-2012, 07:51 AM
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Sleep paralysis is a sleep disorder. You should see a doctor if possible.

Other than that . . . it sounds horrible. I'm sorry
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Old 03-13-2012, 10:37 AM
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A) I had this for years, I know how you feel.

B) I'm in work on my phone so will reply properly when I get home later.

C) there is a happy ending.
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Old 03-13-2012, 11:05 AM
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I fell asleep for fifteen minutes this morning, with the sunlight shining in hoping it would help. Just happened again.

I will have to find out how much it's going to cost to see a doctor about this. I would have to see a GP. Local clinics here refuse to pass out any benzos. I don't dream on xanax, so maybe it would help, I dunno. This is just happening out of nowhere. It's horrifying. I'm afraid to sleep at all because I don't know what I'm going to have to experience next.
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Old 03-13-2012, 11:23 AM
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I go through periods of that. It usually starts out with just bad/uncomfortable dreams, then goes on to plain evil dreams where people I know and/or love are trying to hurt me, paranormal things haunting me, people after me, so on. Then it just escalates from there, where it feels like I'm laying awake for hours, screaming and trying to talk to my husband...and then nothing. It was all a dream. But it was so REAL and it physically HURT so much that it would drive me insane, completely bat-**** crazy. After a certain point, it's nearly impossible to figure out what is a dream and what is real.

Mine is caused by anxiety, something I've struggled with for a long time. I take xanax. It's a wonderful drug. It's the only thing out there that doesn't make me feel like a zombie, doped up, or empty/uncaring. I'm truly "okay" on it. It just paves the way for "happy". Not like any other anti-anxiety or anti-depressant I've had before. I thoroughly recommend it.

But if you DO take it, be wary of the dosages. My first prescription put me in fairyland. I was a little too happy. Second try, it was much better. Eventually I began dreaming on it, but they were the first "normal" dreams I'd had in my entire life. Even when I didn't go through full-blown episodes like this, I would still experience "dreams" where it felt like my eyes were sewn shut, I couldn't breathe, couldn't make my legs work, so on. I didn't realize until I saw a Doc, that it wasn't normal. But xanax...is my friend.

(((((major hugs))))) I hope you figure it out and finally get some good sleep!
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Old 03-13-2012, 12:02 PM
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It gets worse when you're exhausted (I get these episodes, they're utterly terrofying) so its a vicious circle. For me I usually break it by learning to not fight it as badly. You can try sleep aids, anxiety meds, drinking, meditation, yoga, etc. From my research the best cure depends from person to person.

ETA, I read this on my phOne with a sleeping baby in my arms. My episodes only seem to include the laying paralysized and being unable to ask for someone near to wake me.

Those other aspects seem much more serious, I'd talk to a doctor for sure.
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Old 03-13-2012, 12:07 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lyzelle View Post
I go through periods of that. It usually starts out with just bad/uncomfortable dreams, then goes on to plain evil dreams where people I know and/or love are trying to hurt me, paranormal things haunting me, people after me, so on. Then it just escalates from there, where it feels like I'm laying awake for hours, screaming and trying to talk to my husband...and then nothing. It was all a dream. But it was so REAL and it physically HURT so much that it would drive me insane, completely bat-**** crazy. After a certain point, it's nearly impossible to figure out what is a dream and what is real.

Mine is caused by anxiety, something I've struggled with for a long time. I take xanax. It's a wonderful drug. It's the only thing out there that doesn't make me feel like a zombie, doped up, or empty/uncaring. I'm truly "okay" on it. It just paves the way for "happy". Not like any other anti-anxiety or anti-depressant I've had before. I thoroughly recommend it.

But if you DO take it, be wary of the dosages. My first prescription put me in fairyland. I was a little too happy. Second try, it was much better. Eventually I began dreaming on it, but they were the first "normal" dreams I'd had in my entire life. Even when I didn't go through full-blown episodes like this, I would still experience "dreams" where it felt like my eyes were sewn shut, I couldn't breathe, couldn't make my legs work, so on. I didn't realize until I saw a Doc, that it wasn't normal. But xanax...is my friend.

(((((major hugs))))) I hope you figure it out and finally get some good sleep!
What you just described is EXACTLY what has been happening to me the past two days. Literally every part. And the dreams were nothing like where your usual dreams seem to be places you semi-recognize. Nope, every single detail down to the way my makeup table is arranged, the amount of juice in the glass next to me, the way the blanket draped over the chair, it was all the same. Last night they started out with a man on top of me holding me down trying to rape/kill me, then the paranormal stuff started happening and I was ripped from my bed towards the wall. I don't know if much of what I was saying was real or part of the nightmare, same with not being able to move though I believe that was part of both and bled into each other.



Thanks everyone for the advice. I experienced this once as a child, the Old Hag Syndrome, where an old lady appeared to be holding me down trying to hurt me. I'd take the Old Hag over what's happened to me the past two nights, any day.
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Old 03-13-2012, 12:15 PM
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Have you taken any meds? Or stopped taking some?
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