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  #11  
Old 03-06-2012, 12:57 PM
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I don't exactly know what is going on besides what is in this thread but I think that is BS, big time, not including you.

If you are not happy, do something to make yourself happy whether that is moving, getting a dog, anything.

I was just in the same situation, kind of, as far as the happiness goes, and I am very happy now. I moved, I got my Aussie puppy, I am getting my dream job back, I have my family & friends around me now that care for me, I am living where I want to for now, I could go on and on. Find happiness for YOU.

(((HUGS))) That everything works out.
Its not far that you are depressed and have anxiety issues because of this. Its just not fair.

Also, what they said about you getting a dog, is very offensive to me as well (and most likely to everyone on this forum). Dogs are great therapists. I don't care what anyone says.
I've only had Penny since Sunday and she has made me feel so relieved and helped my stress go down so much.

(((HUGS))) again. <3
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  #12  
Old 03-06-2012, 01:01 PM
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I don't mind NC so much (my sisters ALL live in the Triangle!), it's just that Ryan isn't there, and I'm not sure if my heart can handle doing long distance again. It killed me the first time. It just plain SUCKS!

I'm only on the lease as a resident, so I have no obligation to stay if I don't want to. They put my name there only so I'd have keys up front. They've only agreed to sign, so come June they will re-sign.
I mentioned to him about the pets thing, he agreed we can all talk about it. But the biggest thing for me was starting our life together. Kind of makes me feel like he's not as ready as he originally made himself out to be, you know? We WERE engaged...but that's a weird situation and we both agreed to wait on it, I suppose. Besides, I don't want to be married without my father present, and since he can't even walk, well...I'd rather wait until he can be there with me, if at all possible.

I can't afford to live on my own though. The prices here are RIDICULOUS. Like...whoa. It's obscene. And I'm not even legally allowed to work yet so I have no income to leave, unless I go back to the states of course.

I'll be racking my brain about this all day, probably more than necessary. I've already gone through the "am I just being unreasonable?" phase. I am waiting for whatever's after that, lol.
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  #13  
Old 03-06-2012, 01:38 PM
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(((HUGS)))

I think you need to do what makes YOU happy for a change. Your bf knows you are so unhappy, yet he doesn't care enough to change the situation you're in... I would really ask myself if this is someone I would want to build my life around. I am not saying that every guy needs to read any wish off his gf's lips and fulfill it.... But this is just a crappy thing to do.
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Old 03-06-2012, 01:40 PM
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Yeah the first step should be a SERIOUS talk with your SO. If you guys can't come to a compromise... then make your decision but I'd definitely have a very serious talk with him before deciding either way to stay or go

(((HUGS)))
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  #15  
Old 03-06-2012, 01:41 PM
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Can you take a looooong vacation back home with your dad? And see how you feel there? Maybe your heart will give you an answer if you are so much happier at home where you can have a life.
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  #16  
Old 03-06-2012, 01:46 PM
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is this a case where if you move back you will forfeit your residency application? like I know I wasn't allowed to leave the country while my papers were processing. is that the case with you? if it is, that complicates things a bit. if it doesn't... maybe a little vacation would be a good idea
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  #17  
Old 03-06-2012, 02:08 PM
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If I leave, I can't re-enter (not sure for how long). That's partially what's stopping me. Also, if I do go back, I have nowhere to live. :\ That's the other big obstacle. I'd have a place if I were going for just a week or two, but if I leave now, I'd have to be gone for months, and nobody can take me in that long as of right now, unfortunately.

I am going to sit down and have a talk with him tonight. If we can get SOME things squared away (the animal situation, both me having them, and the roommates taking care of theirs and not talking to me as if I am stupid when I try to help them when they have questions; the money saving/spending and buying of unnecessary things like wall art and vinyl collectible toys, as much as I know that, as an illustrator, he thinks he NEEDS these things, he doesn't; our future together and how long this roommate thing is really going to last) then, I think we'll be okay. But he has GOT to actually sit down and listen to me. His biggest issue, the one thing I hate, is that when we try to talk, he has a bad habit, purposely or not, of making it seem like he is the victim because I need to talk to him about something, whatever it be. I do not like walking away from a civil conversation feeling like I am the bad guy, when I'm the one with the crap on my shoulders to begin with. He has got to understand that we're in this together, that I left my entire family to be with HIM, not his friends.

I will admit, after a huge talk with everyone a few weeks ago, things HAVE been better overall. These are, down to it, nice people. The girl, I've become close with. Close enough that she comes to me to talk about her problems, for advice, and I appreciate that she is comfortable enough with me to confide in me for things. As lovely as that is, as much as things have gotten generally better with the cleaning and the complaining about trivial things, it still isn't enough. I don't think I'm being picky. Things like 6AM bird screaming (YES, we CAN hear them in our bedroom, so PLEASE be respectful and keep them covered until Ryan has to get up for work at least!!!), telling me what I am not allowed to own when I take care of your animals all day to begin with, making decisions without me and telling me to risk myself here by getting a job under the table just so they can respect me more, talking to me like I don't know what I'm talking about despite the fact that I can prove to you that I do....these things haven't changed, they need to stop.

A vacation sounds lovely. I intend to take one as soon as I possibly can.


(HUGS) and thanks so much for listening to my venting. Sometimes, I feel like I really have no one else to talk to. My friendbase here is limited to Rockefeller, my boyfriend (he doesn't want to hear it most of the time) and a few people that I rarely ever see because they are so busy. And, I hate feeling like a burden to people so I usually keep it bottled up. I know that's horrible for me but, meh, I am only just learning that it is okay to speak my mind, but I'm not that good at it yet, heh.
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  #18  
Old 03-06-2012, 02:15 PM
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Just to add, honestly, Ry is a great guy. He bent over backwards to bring me here. He gets upset at the thought of me leaving. He does everything for me, honestly. He's taken care of me, he looks after me when I'm in a panic mode, he calms me down when I fret over my dad's condition. He's done more for me than I can imagine I'm worthy of, and I appreciate him more everyday. I wouldn't have come here if I didn't believe he were worth all that I've gone through, and am going through. My family adores him, his family adores me, we do want to get married, and when we're on our own, we're perfect as possible. We only even started having any arguments when we moved in here, and even those, really, are sparse. He's everything I could ask for, really. That's why I'm really fighting to stick this out, as hard as I can.

This decision is only a few hours old still, so we'll see how things go after a sit down. Maybe we can come to a compromise. Fingers crossed.
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  #19  
Old 03-06-2012, 02:46 PM
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I think it is disrespectful of them to not have included you in the decision making process. Since you obviously pull your weight as a member of the household (by cleaning and such) you should have a voice in these things. It is rude to marginalize you simply because of your immigrations status. I have been in that place...you can't work and have few rights and if you mess up in the process you get sent packing. They can not possibly know how much stress that makes one feel.

As for the whole belittling the fact that you are struggling with a mental illness...it is a sad fact the most people have no idea how hard these things are for those of us that suffer from anxiety, depression, phobias, and a number of other such ailments. I hate the attitude that some folk have that we should just "get over it"...

Your boyfriend should stick up for you! You should be first on his list...he should advocate for your rights in the household. He is seriously not taking good enough care of you if he does not so...
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  #20  
Old 03-06-2012, 03:00 PM
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Ugh I'm sorry . Any way you could even do just a day trip or something to Toronto, clear your head? I know you said you are only like 40 min train ride away, you could easily leave in the morning and to back the same night.

How long ago did you move up here? Honestly, I'm sure he doesn't mean I leave you out of he decisions... It could just be that he is so used to just having to make decisions for himself, so it really didn't pass through his mind to stop and ask you? He doesn't stop to think his decision is affecting someone else now, not just him.
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