Dog Site - Dog Stuff
Dog Forum | Dog Pictures

Go Back   Chazhound Dog Forum > Dog Forum News > The Fire Hydrant


Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 03-02-2012, 10:50 PM
Dakotah's Avatar
Dakotah Dakotah is offline
Kotah BEAR
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: GA
Posts: 7,998
Default I think I've made my decision

Yall know about my thread from the other day.

TJ and I have talked about it so much we are blue, and not to get into a whole big mess of emotions I will keep this short and sweet.

I need to be happy. He wants me to be happy, even if that means moving back to my dad's. He doesn't want to move away from his family and I completely and totally respect that. I would never want him to do that. But I don't want to be happy moving back to dad's and him be miserable, we both know and realize this. I love TJ, he treats me so good, but with everything else going on and what my HEART is telling me, I can't deny it.

Problem is...
I don't know HOW to do it. That part is stumping me.
It will crush TJ and I both. I will be hurt and sad for a while but I'd rather be that way for a little while then be that way for God knows how long.

Any ideas/advice? I am crying typing this because I realize what I need to do and its killing me, but I am so glad TJ respects me enough to want me to be happy no matter what.
__________________
*War Eagle*
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 03-03-2012, 12:08 AM
RD's Avatar
RD RD is offline
Are you dead yet?
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Ohio
Posts: 15,404
Default

Dak, I'm in a similar situation right now.

My boyfriend and all of his family is in Ohio, my family is in Mexico, and it's hard to have two places to live that are kind of far away.

Would it be possible for you two to kind of hop from place to place? You and TJ go stay with your dad sometimes, and near his parents sometimes too? Would your family or his family be willing to let you guys stay with them? I know it wouldnt be ideal, but at least you'd each get to spend time with the family you love.
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 03-03-2012, 12:22 AM
Dakotah's Avatar
Dakotah Dakotah is offline
Kotah BEAR
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: GA
Posts: 7,998
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by RD View Post
Dak, I'm in a similar situation right now.

My boyfriend and all of his family is in Ohio, my family is in Mexico, and it's hard to have two places to live that are kind of far away.

Would it be possible for you two to kind of hop from place to place? You and TJ go stay with your dad sometimes, and near his parents sometimes too? Would your family or his family be willing to let you guys stay with them? I know it wouldnt be ideal, but at least you'd each get to spend time with the family you love.
No that isn't possible. Its a 4 hour difference between here and my dad's. I wish it was but its not

It sucks. So bad.

I actually had someone tell me I was being selfish and I needed to be unhappy to please TJ. Because THAT is a way to live.
__________________
*War Eagle*
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 03-03-2012, 12:31 AM
joce's Avatar
joce joce is offline
Top Dog
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 4,164
Default

Four hours is not that far. Once your financially stable thats a weekend trip. To your dads or your bfs. It will work out. (((hugs))).
__________________


If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain
dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few
persons -James Thurber
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 03-03-2012, 12:35 AM
Dakotah's Avatar
Dakotah Dakotah is offline
Kotah BEAR
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: GA
Posts: 7,998
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by joce View Post
Four hours is not that far. Once your financially stable thats a weekend trip. To your dads or your bfs. It will work out. (((hugs))).
Thank you.

I am not trying to get all religious but I am leaving it in God's hands and I am letting Him guide me right now and my heart is telling me to do this.
__________________
*War Eagle*
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 03-03-2012, 01:02 AM
Grab's Avatar
Grab Grab is offline
Top Dog
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 3,019
Default

My husband and I are from the same hometown and we live across country from our families. We're close with our families, but job situations make it better for us to live here than there. As others have said, 4 hours is not a long distance. It is not even half a day's drive..we've driven that far for some decent shopping.
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 03-03-2012, 01:05 AM
Fran101's Avatar
Fran101 Fran101 is offline
Resident fainting goat
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 12,321
Default

The way I see it.. not doing what makes you happy in the name of a relationship leads to one thing and one thing only..resentment.
resentment is also known as the ******* child of fighting, hate, bitterness and all other killers of relationships.

it is also the father of these GLORIOUS relationship-about-to-crumble lines..
"If it weren't for you.. I would be x, y, z"
" I did x, y, z for you!" (usually followed by "SO YOU HAVE TO DO THIS FOR ME!")
" I can't believe I did x, y, z for you!"
" I wish I would've done x, y ,z instead of staying with you"
" I gave up x, y, z for you!" (also usually followed by an ultimatum)

If people are meant to be together.. it will work out one way or another.

He can treat you like the queen of England but at the end of the day if you aren't happy and you want to be somewhere else or you want to try something else.. then you should.
because there is NOTHING worse than waiting until it's too late (marriage. jobs. roots. kids. responsibilities.) and looking back and regretting not doing something you wanted to.

You go to your dads, you stay for a while. You love it? Great. You don't?.. do something else. Move back in with TJ. Go to college in another state. Go to europe.

you'll regret the things you didn't do A LOT more than the ones you did, 99% of the time.

So go ahead and chase happiness.. I mean, life is too short to be miserable, especially at our age. If your not happy, wtf is the point?

Don't get me wrong, I do believe that happy people carry happiness with them a lot of the time. but I do know that regardless of the people around you, sometimes you just need to be happy with yourself and your surroundings before you can TRULY be happy with someone.
that does not make you selfish. it makes you honest.

Will he be hurt? Probably. There is no way to make break-ups not painful.. you can make them less by doing them as early as possible, as clearly as possible and by being honest.

Remember he would probably be A LOT more hurt if you drag this out and down the line, even deeper in the relationship just snap into a fit of I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE! I HATE IT HERE!! and the resentment grows so deep you hate HIM? (trust me..I've seen it happen..)

Just my 2 cents.
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 03-03-2012, 01:15 AM
blue's Avatar
blue blue is offline
Jerk.
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: wasilla alaska
Posts: 10,088
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dakotah View Post
I actually had someone tell me I was being selfish and I needed to be unhappy to please TJ. Because THAT is a way to live.
Is it out of line to ask the gender of this "someone"?

Either way I would like to punch said person in the face.
__________________
I SSH'ed into Mordor.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Renee750il View Post
Sometimes BOTH sides are just full of sh1t.
AKpostal
Blog?
MyDrunkAdmin
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 03-03-2012, 01:16 AM
Dakotah's Avatar
Dakotah Dakotah is offline
Kotah BEAR
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: GA
Posts: 7,998
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fran101 View Post
The way I see it.. not doing what makes you happy in the name of a relationship leads to one thing and one thing only..resentment.
resentment is also known as the ******* child of fighting, hate, bitterness and all other killers of relationships.

it is also the father of these GLORIOUS relationship-about-to-crumble lines..
"If it weren't for you.. I would be x, y, z"
" I did x, y, z for you!" (usually followed by "SO YOU HAVE TO DO THIS FOR ME!")
" I can't believe I did x, y, z for you!"
" I wish I would've done x, y ,z instead of staying with you"
" I gave up x, y, z for you!" (also usually followed by an ultimatum)

If people are meant to be together.. it will work out one way or another.

He can treat you like the queen of England but at the end of the day if you aren't happy and you want to be somewhere else or you want to try something else.. then you should.
because there is NOTHING worse than waiting until it's too late (marriage. jobs. roots. kids. responsibilities.) and looking back and regretting not doing something you wanted to.

You go to your dads, you stay for a while. You love it? Great. You don't?.. do something else. Move back in with TJ. Go to college in another state. Go to europe.

you'll regret the things you didn't do A LOT more than the ones you did, 99% of the time.

So go ahead and chase happiness.. I mean, life is too short to be miserable, especially at our age. If your not happy, wtf is the point?

Don't get me wrong, I do believe that happy people carry happiness with them a lot of the time. but I do know that regardless of the people around you, sometimes you just need to be happy with yourself and your surroundings before you can TRULY be happy with someone.
that does not make you selfish. it makes you honest.

Will he be hurt? Probably. There is no way to make break-ups not painful.. you can make them less by doing them as early as possible, as clearly as possible and by being honest.

Remember he would probably be A LOT more hurt if you drag this out and down the line, even deeper in the relationship just snap into a fit of I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE! I HATE IT HERE!! and the resentment grows so deep you hate HIM? (trust me..I've seen it happen..)

Just my 2 cents.
You have said this better than ANYONE I have talked to (2 of my best friends and my dad). I could hug you right now, seriously.

You should be a therapist or a counselor or just a talk show host lol
__________________
*War Eagle*
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 03-03-2012, 01:17 AM
Dakotah's Avatar
Dakotah Dakotah is offline
Kotah BEAR
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: GA
Posts: 7,998
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by blue View Post
Is it out of line to ask the gender of this "someone"?

Either way I would like to punch said person in the face.
It was a female. And I like your hidden white text.
__________________
*War Eagle*
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 01:29 PM.


1997-2013 Chazhound Dog Site