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  #11  
Old 03-01-2012, 06:38 PM
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can you get out and volunteer anywhere? Sometimes just finding a schedule of some sort will help you to settle, meet new people, etc. It is hard moving to a new area--and definitely takes time to develop a "life" in that new place. ((HUGS))--you will figure it out--your heart will tell you what to do.
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Old 03-01-2012, 06:39 PM
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I haven't gone back because I know it's a lot healthier for me to live where I am... but if I was seriously miserable with where I was for no good reason other than wanting to go back I'd probably go back.
I understand that... I am just terrified of hurting TJ.
He knows how I feel, he knows everything. It kills him I feel like this cause he blames himself cause he works all day but its not his fault.
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Old 03-01-2012, 06:40 PM
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Originally Posted by Baxter'smybaby View Post
can you get out and volunteer anywhere? Sometimes just finding a schedule of some sort will help you to settle, meet new people, etc. It is hard moving to a new area--and definitely takes time to develop a "life" in that new place. ((HUGS))--you will figure it out--your heart will tell you what to do.
Its not a new area, I've lived here almost my whole life.
This town is sh1t to be honest.
I can keep trying to find places to volunteer at. I just know a lot of places don't start that stuff until April/May.
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Old 03-01-2012, 06:44 PM
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I've used this site and found programs i had no idea existed. Thats how i found the prison pet partnership.

http://www.volunteermatch.org/
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Old 03-01-2012, 06:45 PM
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Oh and (((((((((HUGS))))))))))) It does suck.
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  #16  
Old 03-01-2012, 06:46 PM
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I've used this site and found programs i had no idea existed. Thats how i found the prison pet partnership.

http://www.volunteermatch.org/
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Oh and (((((((((HUGS))))))))))) It does suck.
Thank you for the link & hugs <3 <3 <3
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  #17  
Old 03-01-2012, 07:03 PM
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Thank you so much for that link, Katie.

I am signed up to volunteer for 3 places. Red Cross, mentoring students in my county, and working with disabled students. <3
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  #18  
Old 03-01-2012, 07:04 PM
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First, I do think the BC has at least a LITTLE to do with how you are feeling. Our hormones do really crazy things...

Second, I think you are really feeling stuck in a loop. You need to get out and get a routine going, but you can't find a job. You also don't have a car right now to be free to go hang out with friends and stuff whenever you want, but to afford a good car you need a job. If you had a good car you could maybe travel outside of the area a bit to get to work, but again, you need a job to get the car... and it just cycles and repeats. You don't see a way out or a way to even start moving forward. I've been there and it really is depressing and it sucks SO bad. And you just make yourself more depressed because you can't break free no matter what you try to do.

You say TJ knows all this stuff... have you guys really sat down and talked about what to do? What your future is? I know moving to Florida came up but that's not happening right now. To be honest, I don't think it's selfish to talk about moving somewhere in the middle - that sounds more like a compromise. Are job opportunities better there? Is there a college you can go to once you're ready for that? It's easy to say just let it ride for now, but if you guys are serious about a future together, these are things to talk about. I think neither of you really wants to stay where you are right now since you were talking about going to Florida.

I know you guys are young but I think you guys are committed to each other enough that you can sit down and have a serious conversation about your future, where you guys want to go, how can you get there? And I would guess you're probably isolating yourself from him a bit, you probably haven't totally expressed EVERYTHING because you know he feels guilty about it, and you don't want to hurt him or make him feel guilty... and that's not making it better for you OR for him... I would say it's time to really sit down and talk about the future and see where things are at. And it's not like you're going to have a chat over dinner and figure all this out, but it needs to be an open discussion and I think it probably should start now.

I think I've told this story on here before but there was a guy I loved very much... wanted to marry him... still think about him sometimes, still think we were such a great match, and that I would have loved to marry him... but ultimately we weren't going the same direction in our lives. Our futures took different paths. So it ended. I still love him, I really do, but love is NOT enough no matter what romance movies have tried to teach us (they also want us to think love is really co-dependent and it's SO not nor should it be, so ignore those stupid movies.) Yes, love is incredible and it can do AMAZING things and defeat a lot. But if your futures are in separate directions... well, love can't change that.
Just something to keep in mind. Not saying you should or shouldn't break up, just I don't want you to think that it's a sign of how much you guys do or don't love each other no matter what you decide.
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  #19  
Old 03-01-2012, 07:09 PM
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I know each time I've moved, it's taken 1-2 years to really feel like I belonged and it was home. It's only been a few months, as difficult as that is to swallow. I know you said you lived there a few years ago, but it's different now--you're on your own this time.

I can TOTALLY relate to depression from lack of a job/school. I went absolutely nuts last summer, when I wasn't sure if I was going to get a teaching job. I felt like a total failure, and a mooch on my husband. I am a wreck when I'm not bringing in money or bettering myself in some way (and no amount of hobbies or volunteering made a difference). I'll definitely cross my fingers for job/school prospects for you!!!

On the subject of being close to your family/his family...If both of you need to be close to your families, then that's a serious deal breaker that needs to be figured out sooner rather than later I know at one point in my relationship, I realized that I could either have the west coast that I loved and cherished (where my family and friends were), or I could have Zachary and stay on the east coast. I couldn't have both. I have now lived on the east coast for 7 years, and while it's still not something I like, I'm making the best of it because my husband is worth it (and moving to California wasn't realistic for him, jobs wise).

Regardless, sounds like you and TJ need to have a real heart-to-heart and figure out what it's going to take to find a happy medium for the two of you--whether that's one or both of you moving, or finding an online university you're comfortable with, or what.
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  #20  
Old 03-01-2012, 07:16 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Beanie View Post
First, I do think the BC has at least a LITTLE to do with how you are feeling. Our hormones do really crazy things...

Second, I think you are really feeling stuck in a loop. You need to get out and get a routine going, but you can't find a job. You also don't have a car right now to be free to go hang out with friends and stuff whenever you want, but to afford a good car you need a job. If you had a good car you could maybe travel outside of the area a bit to get to work, but again, you need a job to get the car... and it just cycles and repeats. You don't see a way out or a way to even start moving forward. I've been there and it really is depressing and it sucks SO bad. And you just make yourself more depressed because you can't break free no matter what you try to do.

You say TJ knows all this stuff... have you guys really sat down and talked about what to do? What your future is? I know moving to Florida came up but that's not happening right now. To be honest, I don't think it's selfish to talk about moving somewhere in the middle - that sounds more like a compromise. Are job opportunities better there? Is there a college you can go to once you're ready for that? It's easy to say just let it ride for now, but if you guys are serious about a future together, these are things to talk about. I think neither of you really wants to stay where you are right now since you were talking about going to Florida.

I know you guys are young but I think you guys are committed to each other enough that you can sit down and have a serious conversation about your future, where you guys want to go, how can you get there? And I would guess you're probably isolating yourself from him a bit, you probably haven't totally expressed EVERYTHING because you know he feels guilty about it, and you don't want to hurt him or make him feel guilty... and that's not making it better for you OR for him... I would say it's time to really sit down and talk about the future and see where things are at. And it's not like you're going to have a chat over dinner and figure all this out, but it needs to be an open discussion and I think it probably should start now.

I think I've told this story on here before but there was a guy I loved very much... wanted to marry him... still think about him sometimes, still think we were such a great match, and that I would have loved to marry him... but ultimately we weren't going the same direction in our lives. Our futures took different paths. So it ended. I still love him, I really do, but love is NOT enough no matter what romance movies have tried to teach us (they also want us to think love is really co-dependent and it's SO not nor should it be, so ignore those stupid movies.) Yes, love is incredible and it can do AMAZING things and defeat a lot. But if your futures are in separate directions... well, love can't change that.
Just something to keep in mind. Not saying you should or shouldn't break up, just I don't want you to think that it's a sign of how much you guys do or don't love each other no matter what you decide.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CaliTerp07 View Post
I know each time I've moved, it's taken 1-2 years to really feel like I belonged and it was home. It's only been a few months, as difficult as that is to swallow. I know you said you lived there a few years ago, but it's different now--you're on your own this time.

I can TOTALLY relate to depression from lack of a job/school. I went absolutely nuts last summer, when I wasn't sure if I was going to get a teaching job. I felt like a total failure, and a mooch on my husband. I am a wreck when I'm not bringing in money or bettering myself in some way (and no amount of hobbies or volunteering made a difference). I'll definitely cross my fingers for job/school prospects for you!!!

On the subject of being close to your family/his family...If both of you need to be close to your families, then that's a serious deal breaker that needs to be figured out sooner rather than later I know at one point in my relationship, I realized that I could either have the west coast that I loved and cherished (where my family and friends were), or I could have Zachary and stay on the east coast. I couldn't have both. I have now lived on the east coast for 7 years, and while it's still not something I like, I'm making the best of it because my husband is worth it (and moving to California wasn't realistic for him, jobs wise).

Regardless, sounds like you and TJ need to have a real heart-to-heart and figure out what it's going to take to find a happy medium for the two of you--whether that's one or both of you moving, or finding an online university you're comfortable with, or what.
Thanks yall <3

Yes, TJ and I have had a real heart to heart about this.

Job wise, moving to Macon *might* be good. I haven't really looked much into it until this thread and it was mentioned about moving half way.

As far as our futures...
I want a LOT in life. TJ wants what I want because he wants to be with me but wants to do his own things to. He likes to fish, as do I. Our landlord has a pond so we go fish there every weekend. He really doesn't have a lot of interests. He had to grow up VERY fast and he has never had to express his feelings until he met me and it kind of scares him a bit. He is a big, tough guy who doesn't know how to express himself due his childhood, or lack thereof.

TJ doesn't want to lose me. I understand that. I don't want to lose him. But I think I want more in life than he wants but I know he will stick with me through it all.

Cali- I get what you are saying about living here. I have been living back here again since I was 19, and yes I just recently moved out on my own. But its still Moultrie, small and boring and not much to do unless you travel 45 mins out of town.
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