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  #51  
Old 02-11-2012, 08:57 AM
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Originally Posted by Dizzy View Post
Kids are very much like dogs.... You get out what you put in.

I've never met a "bad" kid, only badly brought up ones. Getting it wrong in infancy can lead to issues in teens, you might be the model parent by then, but then It's too late. You reap what you sow.
I don't necessarily agree. My older brother (middle child) was a drug addict, addicted to cocaine for years. My oldest brother & I were raised exactly the same as he was, and never touched drugs (I don't even drink!).

Didn't really have anything to do with what my parents "put in", had to do with that my brother was a rebellious teenager (and into his 20's as well) who became addicted to a drug and didn't want to stop til he was good and ready. We were most certainly not badly brought up, had a great, stable home life and all that jazz.
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  #52  
Old 02-11-2012, 09:00 AM
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maybe he tried everything else. the reasoning, the taking things away, grounding, being her friend, etc etc. Maybe he tried all that and this was the end of his rope. Was it the best choice? probably not but maybe it was all he had left to try.

and if it worked... whats the problem? if it didn't... he's probably no worse off than they were before.
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  #53  
Old 02-11-2012, 09:02 AM
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I don't necessarily agree. My older brother (middle child) was a drug addict, addicted to cocaine for years. My oldest brother & I were raised exactly the same as he was, and never touched drugs (I don't even drink!).

Didn't really have anything to do with what my parents "put in", had to do with that my brother was a rebellious teenager (and into his 20's as well) who became addicted to a drug and didn't want to stop til he was good and ready. We were most certainly not badly brought up, had a great, stable home life and all that jazz.
Using drugs is not an indicator of being a bad person, and having the same parents isn't an indicator of having the same childhood experience.

There is a large element of personal resilience which varies between individuals. However, I'm pretty sure if your parents had humiliated your brother to try and "help" him it wouldn't have worked....

You can't teach morality by shooting laptops......
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  #54  
Old 02-11-2012, 09:06 AM
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How do you teach morality? Have you ever taught morality?
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  #55  
Old 02-11-2012, 09:08 AM
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it's all so easy from the outside looking in
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  #56  
Old 02-11-2012, 09:14 AM
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Originally Posted by AndrewF View Post
This is called natural consequences. I'm a fan!

Was the fathers public response to being publicly flogged by his daughter fitting? Yes.
Was the laptop his to do as he pleased? Yes
Were 8 or 9 shots a little overkill? Perhaps, but he gets points for style.
Was his response mature or did it follow the high-road? Probably not, but then again, sometimes to make a point it has to be delivered in a fashion that is understood. I'd say there's a good chance he met that objective....and gave her something to legitmately whine about.

Just my opinion.
I have to agree. As a parent of a teenage girl right about that same age. Some of those girls need drastic measures.
And its not always about you get what you put into parenting. What works for some kids doesn't always work with others. Case in point, what discipline works with my son does not work with my daughter. what works on my teenage niece does not work on my daughter. Sometimes you do have to do something in a way that they will understand. Sounds like they(the parents) had tried other means to solve the problem and that didn't work. As far as shooting the laptop, well it was his to begin with. Was it wasteful, maybe, maybe not. Sounds like it was an older laptop that needed quite a bit of work. Could he have donated it, depends on where they are at. Some places will not accept an old out of date laptop.
And I'm sorry but for some teenage daughters, telling them that its not nice to embarrass the parents or others in public does no good. BUT if they are embarrassed in a similar manner that they did, it gets the point home.
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Old 02-11-2012, 09:14 AM
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It's not easy Sparks, there's no manual...no. But we all have our opinions and input. Some of those thoughts may come from experience or education or just plain different angles of view point. You never know. We can say that about anything...that it's easy looking in from the "outside." Does that mean there should be no discussion or attempt at revision or improvement of some idea?
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  #58  
Old 02-11-2012, 09:17 AM
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Originally Posted by Doberluv View Post
It's not easy Sparks, there's no manual...no. But we all have our opinions and input. Some of those thoughts may come from experience or education or just plain different angles of view point. You never know. We can say that about anything...that it's easy looking in from the "outside." Does that mean there should be no discussion or attempt at revision or improvement of some idea?
discussion absolutey. I was thinking I was participating in the discussion. It just is so easy to sit on the outside looking in and saying what this parent SHOULD have done and painting him as a monster based on one 8 minute snip it of his life.
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  #59  
Old 02-11-2012, 09:34 AM
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I haven't read all of the posts but this is my two scents to the video.

Dad...wait a few days until your not so angry, and choose your words carefully. 15 and a girl are pia. You are asking her to control and discipline herself while you are barely holding your temper verbally and showing violence as the answer. You could have donated the laptop to any charitable organization and set a better example then your hollow point bullets..that she has to pay you back for.

Teenage girls will break your heart coming and going, and they are not adults and do not see the world as an adult. Teen boys have their own flavor or bad decisions and self actions..it's a part of you you signed on for. As my son told me many times "I am not you" and he was right so stop comparing her life to yours.. You might have gotten further without the bullets, if while you chose your words you remembered the past, and held your breath for the future. This stage too will not last forever but your words and way of dealing with things will set a pattern. I thought the video was the kind of thing he should have done to have gotten it off his chest, and then he should have deleted it. After that he should have removed the laptop, and made whatever home changes necessary. He was embarrassed by her actions, and he fought back by trying to embarrass her. What he did, was embarrass them both. That is not good parenting.
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  #60  
Old 02-11-2012, 09:40 AM
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discussion absolutey. I was thinking I was participating in the discussion. It just is so easy to sit on the outside looking in and saying what this parent SHOULD have done and painting him as a monster based on one 8 minute snip it of his life.
I don't think he's a monster at all Sparks. I don't think I painted him that way either. I think he's a caring parent who wants to prepare his child for life as an adult...now. I think he probably made some mistakes along the way, as most parents do. And I think that his method of showing her how to be respectful, grown up and responsible was not a good way to go about it.

I don't think it's easy necessarily.... or on the other hand, particularly difficult looking in from the outside. I've raised two children to adult hood. I made my share of mistakes too. Oh boy, did I ever. But the way teens are, the variations in children is not exactly a completely foreign concept. Often, mulling over different ways to do things brings about a concept that wasn't thought of before that might work better.
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